Lost

We all feel lost at times. They say it is supposed to be normal. For something that is supposed to be normal, feels pretty shitty to the person going through it, if you ask me. I will try to keep positive and upbeat as I go through the motions and I am around others, but once I am alone, I feel like shit. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? Hell, where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? My thoughts just go on and on until I am too tired to think.

I start not feeling like myself when I am taking care of everything and everyone, but myself. I do this because I want to avoid facing myself. I feel like I have a lot of things to fix so I get overwhelmed not knowing where to start. Then I will pay attention to everything but until it cannot be avoided anymore.

If I am not feeling myself, I will not want to write or read (which are two of my favorite things to do), I will be tired all the time, I will start to avoid human interaction, and want to be alone most of the time.

At this point, it is time for an adventure. Something new. Something I have to go or do. An opportunity to be in a new environment and interact with new people. Why an adventure? It always ends up being the best way I get to know myself. It feeds my soul on many levels. It is also an excuse for me to bring my dog, Mako. Mako loved adventures as well. My parents did not get him out of the house as much since they both started working so I took up the job until he got too old.

Mako has been on multiple road-trips with me across Colorado. He has hiked with me on many trails and all of my favorite trails thus far.

Back to the main topic. Adventures are the best way to get to know myself because I am stepping out of my comfort zone each time by going somewhere or trying something new. If I get lost, I see how I act and handle the situation; if I meet new people how well did I interact with them; what did I like about the new surroundings; what did I not like; what kind of music did I enjoy on the way there; how did I handle Mako if he freaked out or got anxious. It also helps me think about things that were hard for me to see or think about when I was in my regular routine or around others.

A great example of an adventure with Mako and I was when we visited Palmer Lake for the first time. It is located in Monument, Colorado and is a beautiful site with some fun trails. Monument is a smaller mountain side town located near Colorado Springs full of interesting restaurants, shops and people.

For the hike, I used “Hiking Project” app to help me make sure I stayed on the right path since I have never been to the area before. This was an exciting thing for me since this is supposed to be a 8 mile hike in the mountains. Minimal people. My dad worried it was too dangerous for a young lady like me, but that is why I choose to bring a 120lb dog with me who’s bark can rattle the floor.

The trail was easy to follow at first and I kept Mako on a loose leash until we got deeper into the woods. Just in case it was crowded and there were other dogs. Once it was just me and him, I let him loose to wander and sniff every little thing until his heart was content.

I would look up into the tall trees barely able to see the sky, close my eyes, inhaling deeply taking in every scent around me. The sweet scent of wet grass and dirt. Hear birds chirping in the distance.

An hour went by, then two hours. We were deep enough into the mountains that I had no signal. I started to get nervous because I did not know if the app on my phone was telling me the right directions. So, I did the next best thing I could possibly think of. I started following the path down the mountains heading east since the mountain range was west.

I was definitely pretty nervous, but also hella excited to be problem solving on my own. Who the hell knows where I would end up. I finally found civilization an hour after that. I saw a 5’10” older lady with her dog. She seemed approachable so I asked her for directions to the Palmer Lake parking lot.

She said it was a few miles away.

‘Nice going, Tori’, I thought to myself.

She offered Mako and I a ride to my car. I took it, not worried about possibly being kidnapped and murdered since my 120lb dog was in the back seat. A sane person would’ve been worried.

Luckily for me, this lady was kind, generous and genuinely drove us back to my car. I was very grateful. I drove Mako and I home with our bellies rumbling of hunger and definitely power napped for the first time in a long while.

That situation taught to have more patience than I already had. It also reminded me that there are some really good people out in the world still. It also taught me to trust a bit more. Whether it be myself, others, or just the process. It also reminds me to be present in the current moment. It also reminds me to have fun while I can because I cannot get that moment back. Getting lost mentally and physically always ends up being one of my favorite adventures no matter how hard it gets. I always end up better than before. And these impulsive adventures always help me remember that.