Look For Me When The Icicles Melt

You entered my life in the spring when snow retreated, revealing patches of fresh grass. The scent of spring intoxicated and life was filled with promises.

You arrived with the carnival and stole my heart with a free ride on the rollercoaster. When you asked me out, how could I say no?

All summer we spent together, but when the autumn arrived, you said it was time for you to leave.

I watched from the shadows as the carnival left town and took you with it. You told me you’d be back when the icicles melt again.

Throughout the cold winter, I waited. I counted down the days, the hours, the minutes.

“Look for me when the icicles melt.”

I repeated your words over and over again. I still believed you would come back for me, like you promised when the winter bowed down and spring arrived again.

At last warm winds from the south brought in whispers of spring. The seasons battled, but spring beat winter back.

My heart warmed together with the weather. It wouldn’t be long now until I’d see you again.

When the carnival returned, I rushed over, longing for you to wrap your arms around me again. But you weren’t there.

Your rollercoaster was still there, but you were not. A different person manned the ride, and my heart sank faster than the carts on the ride.

Like a lost soul, I wandered from ride to ride, but all I found were strangers. Unfamiliar faces with harsh accents. Amid the happy crowd, I spun around, my heart calling your name.

Only when the lights of the rides dimmed did I return home.

Day after day I went back. I held on to hope like the drowning holds to fragments of the sinking ship.

Outside, the spring continued to blossom, but within me, winter made a return as fresh icicles grew around my heart and the last drop of hope dwindled.

As people came out of their winter hibernation, I became cocooned in myself. Days had no meaning, and the flowers and persistent sunshine could not tempt me out.

Then, one day a large padded envelope arrived. It was addressed to me, but the sender was unknown.

I held the envelope in my hands and a warmth spread my into fingers, palms and wrists. A pleasant tingle crept up my arms. I thought I’d seen the handwriting before. The curve of the letter S and the slant of the letter L.

Somewhere in the depth of my cocoon, the first droplets fell from the icicles.

I traced the letters with my index finger and broke the seal on the envelope, careful not to tear the words on top. The words I believed your hand had written.

Inside the envelope was a single black notebook. I smelt it. I thought I caught your scent.

With trembling hands, I opened to the first page. It only had two words - to Marci - written inside a heart. On the next page, a poem.

I had to leave you before the first snow fell

The winter tore me away from my love

But look for me when the icicles melt

And the spring winds carry me back to you

Now I had no doubt the notebook was from you. But why were you not here yourself?

Hoping for answers, I read page after page, a beautiful poem after another. Yet my questions remained unanswered.

Finally, there was only one page left to turn. I buried my head in my hands as tears ran down my face. The last page was blank.

There had to be more. This could not be it.

I grabbed the envelope and shook it upside down. Something fluttered out and landed on the table. Two rectangular slips of paper.

My breath caught deep inside my chest, I picked them up.

You had sent me a cheque for $20,000 and a plane ticket. Behind the cheque, you had written a message.

“So we can write the next page together.”