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Life’s Burnouts.

Humans

By christinaPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Life’s Burnouts.
Photo by Jason Hogan on Unsplash

Coming from someone that has grown up a first-generation, with immigrant parents who moved across the world in hopes to achieve the best for their kids and provide a better life, it sucks having to say that anything at this point lacks motivation to me. Having to hear their background, the ups and downs, the accomplishments, the failures, their history, all of it makes me feel less human. It makes me feel lazy, and I hate it. I may be very young but experiencing life burnout is a huge issue and way too many people struggle with it, and it’s not talked about that often. There are people who just pack up their things and leave for the better. They drop everything they had, their families, their friends, their jobs, to come to America typically and give their family the best life with the best opportunities. That’s what my parents did. Growing up here I had a much more simple life than I would’ve growing up in a third-world country. I’m able to go to school when and where I want, I’m able to get a job if I please, I can wear whatever I want, and a lot of other countries don’t necessarily have that, so saying that “I don’t see the purpose of trying so hard every day when nothing really matters,” fills me with a pang of guilt like no other. I’ve listened to podcasts, I’ve watched movies, I’ve heard songs that all touch on the issues of what most call lifes burnouts. In a way, hearing other’s perspectives makes me feel like less of a shitty person. So here’s mine.

With school starting back up, every day begins to feel the same. I feel like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. The older you get the same cycle it is. Wake up at the crack of dawn to either go to school, or go to work, or if you are at home, it’s do work or a different kind of work. It feels like selling your soul. I find no enjoyment in the things I am doing, and it plain out sucks. When things begin to feel repetitive I hate it, I drop it and look for something else to occupy myself with, but doing that at school or work messes everything up and oftentimes leads to failure before success. It’s scary… the thought of having to go down before up. A lot of the times when you try to talk to someone about it they give you a look in a way of saying “unappreciative much?” but that’s the farthest from it. I cannot even begin to express the appreciation I have for my parents who went through hell and back just to give me the opportunities I wouldn’t have had if they didn’t move. I am beyond grateful for how hard they pushed me in school and put me in advanced classes just so I could be the best version of myself there could ever be. But that doesn’t change the fact I want to be free. I feel like something newer generations fantasize about is buying a van and living out of it and traveling and being such a “free spirit,” and I feel like I fit into that category. I feel like nothing about me would hate the idea of packing my things and leaving this small town to see the “greater beyond,” but I feel like it all comes full circle to money. Traveling is beyond expensive. There’s gas to pay for, and gar damage, and food, and energy and cleanliness and to achieve that “simple life” you’d still have to work your ass off to be so “stress-free.” If it were just about filling yourself with positivity and seeing the beauty of our Earth it would be so different, but unfortunately, it’s not that simple. And it’s not like I care what people think, but it definitely doesn’t feel good when your parents brought you here for a better life and all you want to do is leave. That fearful feeling of how they would look at me haunts me. I believe I can accomplish doing that and finding my happiness, but break my parent’s hearts on the flip side. Everything seems to be so simple, just work hard to do the things you want, but there’s greater complexity to it all.

I have heard life be referred to as “a path unknown” and thinking about it, it’s the best way to describe it. To put it into words, it is so frustrating to work and work and work for something that depends on how successful and happy you become in life. They say “money can’t buy happiness,” but it sure can bring you comfort. Personally, since the first day I went to school I have been set on becoming a teacher. Never in my schooling years have I ever imagined myself doing something else, it was my passion. But the older I get the more I understand why my parents do not want me to go through with it. The older I get I understand the struggles of finances and the reality of it, when I was little it was just a “just get more money” thought process. Everyone knows educators do not get paid the best, and to me, it never was about the money, that was until I realized the expenses of living the life I wanted. Going to visit beautiful countries around the world, or even just traveling throughout the United States isn’t easy when you don’t have the money to spend on it. SO you could say I am having an existential crisis due to this. There is systematic reasoning behind everything in life, and growing up you just begin to face it more and more.

Typically from the age of 4 you start school. 12 Years in school, and then another few all depending on the level of success you want in life. And right after school… work. Fall into capitalism. Work your life away. It is totally normal to begin thinking about what our purpose in life is. Growing up and seeing everyone begin to think the same, and seeing everything start to blend together for everyone. It is exhausting. Not to mention growing up in the chaos of the world right now also does not have the brightest impact on us.

I realize that many people go through this funk in life, some more and worse than others. It’s getting over it that seems like the most difficult thing. It’s hard looking around at everyone at this age just barely pushing through the week just looking forward to those couple days off. It sucks that ”that’s just how life is.” It shouldn’t be how life is. We have a purpose in life, and I genuinely doubt that purpose is to work an 8-4. We are simple creatures just looking to make things difficult for ourselves at this point. We are experiencing this amazing lifetime on an amazing planet and we waste it by working and working and working not even seeing the beauty in it, dreading the days to come. When I take a moment and look at myself from an outside point of view it gets very discouraging. I see all these “influencers” who get millions of followers from one singular post simply because they’re attractive in some sort of way and BOOM never in their life do they have to push themselves and work as hard as your average Joe. They don’t have to continue going to school, they don’t have to dread going to some job they couldn’t care less about, they just exist and post it, and I am not hating on them, but hurting in a jealous sense. It is just not fair.

To tie this chaos together, I want to be successful. I want to be the best version of myself that my parents think I can achieve. I want to be able to afford all the luxury and finer things in life with ease. I want to work hard, however, I do not want to hate my life in the process.

(photo from https://unsplash.com/s/photos/free-of-charge)

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About the Creator

christina

Just a college kid trying to achieve her passion in life.

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