Life Experiences

I think that if I were to try and describe myself to people I would say I am charismatic, smart, fun, kind, and carry about myself a sense of childlike enthusiasm. I tend to make decisions before thinking and often times end up shoving my foot into my mouth because my filter sucks and I say things that probably shouldn’t have been said. I have accomplished a great many things in my life and have also failed more than I would like to admit. Often times those failures were catastrophic, and impacted so many more people than just myself. But those are stories for another time.

So, Who I am today, isn’t always who I was in the past. I remember always wondering who I am meant to be in this life, what my role is, and where I fit in. Growing up I had what some would call a rough childhood. As a young boy, my mother and I had moved around a lot. My dad and her had split up when I was two and he was always off working so I didn’t see him as much as I wanted until later in life. My mom, who I love and admire more than you could imagine, had a drug problem when I was little. She had a rough upbringing too and her numbing mechanism was drugs. It helped her to forget the pains of the past, but ultimately cost her everything. She surrounded us with people who weren’t great people to be around and often times I would stumble upon her being beaten by a man, or held down to be choked out. I was little then and couldn’t help much but I was always the one who would pick her up and hold her. Assuring her that it was going to be ok. She needed help back then, she just wasn’t ready yet. She has asked me to forgive her many times for being brought up the way I was, but there is nothing to forgive. If I hadn’t been brought up that way, I wouldn’t be who I am now.

Life experiences are what make us who we are. All the good and bad times build character and as my dad always said “The harder the times, the stronger the character”. I find this to be true for my life. There are a few times that stick out more than anything. I remember living in the San Juan Apartments in Port Angeles, with a woman named Toni. She was a bigger woman and I always remember she was kind to me. I was six back then and I would always steal her cigarettes and smoke them with my friends. One night my mom and I were downstairs in the living room when we heard this loud moaning noise. I will never forget that sound. It was the sound of someone dying! My mother and I had ran upstairs and the moaning was coming from the bathroom. My mom was yelling outside the bathroom, crying frantically and slamming her body against the door. It finally swung open and Toni was laying in the bathtub, completely naked, and had cut her entire body from head to toe with a razor blade. There were flaps of skin hanging from her breasts and her face was pure white. The water in the tub replaced by blood. I was mortified. My mom called the police and took her away in an ambulance. I never saw Toni again after that, but remember that I would dream of her flying into my window at night to cut me up. That incident left a lasting impression on my entire life and I never quite got over seeing that. I mean, after all, a child should never have to.

That was Just one incident, in a long line of incidents that helped mold me into becoming who I am today. Looking back I remember asking myself Why? Why did that happen? Why did I have to see that? You see my goal with this blog is to get you asking yourself why. And then be able to turn around and answer it. Everyone’s truth is different. Everyone’s why is different. Everyone’s answer is different. Why did this happen to me? I’ll tell you. And it wasn’t until recently that I was able to. I went through that because at some point in my life I needed to have gone through tragedy, in order to help people get through it in their life. I needed to be able to listen to people who needed to be heard. I needed experience in a situation that most people don’t have. That experience helped me be able to connect with people who felt alone.

Now a days you have so many people who feel alone and afraid. They feel hopeless, Like Toni was, and they end up ending any chance of it getting better. I went through that with experience with Toni so that I can be here for those people who need someone to listen. To this day, I will never turn a blind eye to someone in need. So, if you need someone to listen, Please contact me. I am here for you. You are not alone.

With love,

Forrest Rhodes