Letting Go of Toxic Relationships

Having close relationships with people is essential to living a happy life. However, it can be difficult to find or have people with a positive outlook in your life. We all have that one friend, neighbour or family member who loves to make your life a misery with their negativity.

Romantic relationships aren’t exempt either. If you’ve ever dated, or been married to, a toxic person you will know how challenging it can be to make the relationship work, or let go of completely. You may find yourself overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, as well as fear of what the future may look like for you.

For a long time my life was dominated by toxic people. Fortunately, I found that by implementing a few easy strategies and making small changes I could keep negative people out of my life. I am now able to enjoy a more positive life day-to-day.

These are some of the strategies I used which could also work for you.

• Spend less time with or around toxic people.

• Stop making excuses for negative Nancys, and downer Debbies.

Cultivate new relationships with people who are more positive. Fear of loneliness can keep you stuck in cycles of toxic relationships. When you explore new interests you increase your chances of meeting new people whose values align with yours.

Practice positive thinking. Meditation and positive affirmations are a good way to start.

Surround yourself with positive people. If you make a conscious effort to do this every day, you can eventually rid yourself of the negativity that is sometimes unavoidable.

How to Spot Toxic People so You Can Avoid Them

These are some of the characteristics of toxic people to look out for. They will:

Break you. They may engage you in negative discussions. If you take the bait and respond they’ll start an argument which only they can win. This can go on for days. Be like Keanu Reaves — don’t fall for it. I recently read an article where the writer quoted an absolute gem from Keanu.

If you think 1+1=5 you’re right. Good luck!

I love Keanu’s response because he wastes no time in arguing, or proving that the other person is wrong. There are better things to do with one’s time.

Exhaust you. Endless questions are exhausting. You may start off being nice, explaining the how or the why. At some point you realise that the questions don’t end. Worse still you may realise that they’ve plant seeds of self-doubt and fear.

Avoid this by not sharing too much information about yourself. Toxic people can, and will, use anything you say against you.

Hinder you. How many times have you heard people lamenting a lost opportunity — if it hadn’t been for {insert name} I would have done such and such. They are not lying. Somewhere along the line they allowed a toxic person to hinder their progress.

Toxic people may feel threatened by your dreams. Instead of being honest about their insecurities they will use you to make their dreams come true.

Another tactic they may use is to spread malicious rumours about you. Pay no attention. Bulldoze your way to the future of your dreams if you have to.

Be a burden. Toxic people become a burden in a subtle way so you could easily miss it. They will make demands on your time or finances. They will make you feel like you’re the only person that can help them. If you say no they’ll guilt-trip you until you give in to their demands. Their problems become your problems. What a burden!

I dealt with such people by setting boundaries for myself. The only way they could get to me was when I let my guard down.

Waste your time and leave you worse off than when you first met them. They do this by distracting you from your goals. They may encourage you to spend more time socialising rather than pursuing your goals. It can make you angry and bitter. If you’re in a situation where you suspect the toxic individual is stringing you along make a stand and put a stop to it.

Benefits of Putting Toxic People Out of Reach

By putting the toxic people in your life further out of reach you can:

• Eliminate the daily stress that they bring.

• Start enjoying a more positive day to day experience.

Life is too short to be spent being miserable. You have a right to lead a peaceful life and be happy.