let the world be loved, and I will die in peace.

I have the capacity to love someone more than I think I could ever love myself. I will go to the ends of the earth for those around me, those I care about, those I deem I am unable to live on this world without.

I sometimes forget that this is unique because it is all I have ever known. I know no lower level of love, nor any other way to show my appreciation for you. I cannot ignore my urge to shower you in praise, support and gifts – it is my entire being. It makes me happiest to treat the one’s I care about with my fortunes and earnings, and I can never treat myself.

Some say it’s beautiful, some say it is a damn shame.

I say it is a blessing and a curse.

It leaves so much room for hurt, pain and rejection. I will continue to praise someone even with the knowledge that I will never know love like that from them. I am aware that so far no one I have met has the capacity for love as I do, and I understand that I may never meet someone like that. But the man I do end up with must honour and respect that loving them is my only true purpose, taking care of them is the only true happiness I will ever know. Every man thus far has stunted my need to love them and I am forever being told that I love people too much, no man deserves what I give them.

But, why?

This is something I will never understand.

Have our generation really forgotten how to love one another?

I may never find a man who can match my capacity to love, my level of thoughtfulness or my acceptance in this very fact, but I will teach other people to love; most importantly, I will teach my kids.

I watch my younger brother grow up in a world surrounded by thorny individuals as he suffers from this same affliction. Everyone is his “best friend” and he knows love more than the average adult will ever even dream about. He hugs the world and, sometimes, the world does not hug back. It breaks my heart because I have gone through this my entire life and I pray he does not let the world break him. His spirit is so beautiful, so pure. I will be there whenever he falls, whenever he suffers as I have, to hold him and tell him that one day he will know why he was put here; not to be loved in return, not to experience the appreciation we bestow onto others, and not to feel as special as we make those around us feel – but we are put here to teach the rest of the world how to love. We are here to remind them of something that they have lost through the introduction of social media and mind games. We are here to remind people that friendship means love, that you don’t need a relationship to love someone, you can say “I love you” without thinking anything more. In this generation of messaging apps and the internet, we have forgotten how to communicate.

And yes, even though I am writing this I know that I will have little to no impact on majority of the people who may read this one day, but it is worth it if I can just change one person’s mind, or lean one person towards sending that text they have been reluctant to send because they are too scared of rejection or pain.

Pain hurts but regret scars and silence kills.

These words are filled with so much emotion from years of pain, endless nights spent crying in my mother’s arms and hours spent looking at the sky and wondering why my love has never been enough. I have so much love inside of me, if I don’t let it out, I fear it may swallow me. So, I let it out, expect nothing back and I have stopped questioning why. I trust the process; I allow those around me to feel special and appreciated. My only goal now is hope that they learn how to treat their loved ones as I have treated them.

Let the world be loved, and I will die in peace.