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Lessons learned

Random lessons I’ve learned so far by age 40

By Toccara BensonPublished 2 years ago 7 min read
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40 & Fabulous

On April 14th 2022 I became a year older and a year wiser. I must say that I felt better at 39 turning 40 than I did at 29 turning 30. At 29 I was still very immature and not in a good place. I also thought 30 was old 🙄 lol. At 40, I feel good. I'm ok with where I'm at in life. I think I still look good if do say so myself lol, I feel good and I have had some massive growth in my life.

Here are some of the lessons I personally have learned in my 40 years of life. Some are cliche, some are more thoughtful...

1. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, expect nothing.

2. Not everything that breaks needs to be fixed.

3. Humans have a very hard time with differences in opinion and beliefs. As long as people aren’t hurting themselves or others, try not to be so militant. Live and let live.

4. In the end, the small things in life end up being the big things too.

5. It’s not necessary to share every opinion. Social media has created an exaggerated sense of self importance in humans. There wasn’t a time I know of before social media where everyone had a soapbox accompanied by instant validation. It can easily cause “know it all” behavior. You don’t know everything so don’t forget to still be teachable.

6. Pride is great to have when ego doesn’t get in the way.

7. A lot of the time, other’s criticisms of you are simply projections of something going on inside of them. This can be done consciously but it’s often done subconsciously.

8. Learn to tell the difference between genuine concern and someone just being nosey. Don’t share too much (still working on that)

9. Live in the now and enjoy your life. As far as we know, this may be the only life we get.

10. Revenge rarely feels as good after carrying it out as it does to simply fantasize about it. Practice grace within reason.

11. Find ways to reprogram your subconscious mind and you will change your life. Get the junk out and reinvent yourself. Just like software needs to be updated, so does our mind. The subconscious mind is a force to be reckoned with. It makes up around 95% of your brain power and handles everything your body needs to function properly from making memories and developing patterns of behavior …good and bad. First you must gain some self awareness of what needs work. If you keep finding yourself at the center of chaos and drama, then the common denominator is YOU. Stop blaming spirits and do the work.

12. You deserve to be celebrated. Go where that happens more often.

13. Question everything no matter who has taught you. The truth can withstand scrutiny and those that truly care for you would want you to evolve, even if that means moving past some of the things they believed true especially once better information comes along. That’s how life works. Only a selfish person that cares more about tradition than you would want you to stay stagnant in life with outdated information. I want my son to outlearn me. I also understand that there may be a generational disconnect at times and that it’s not always selfishness. Sometimes it is innocent and well intended or it can be due to intellectual limitations.

14. Protect your peace no matter who you have to distance yourself from. That comes easier as you get older. Time and energy is precious. You cannot get it back.

15. Get off the damn phone and go explore the beauty of life and nature without always having to snap a pic. I get tired of feeling like I’m connected to a ball and chain with these devices. Place limits on how accessible you are to everyone to protect your peace.

16. Whenever possible, try to reciprocate the genuine thought and care that others show you.

17. Absolutely pay more attention to what people do as opposed to what they say. Humans lie and put their best face forward at first. Give it time. People will always show you who they are eventually.

18. I’m not really into games but sometimes you have to fool the fool that thinks they’re fooling you. It’s amazing how much you can pick up on in some situations when you just allow people to underestimate your knowledge or perceptiveness for a period of time. Don’t be so quick to try to hurdle over stereotypes to prove to people that you’re smart in every situation because they’ll show you what they’re really about quickly when they think you’re not sharp enough to pick up on it anyway. They get sloppy with any facade. The outcome is usually that you quickly get to see someone’s true colors and you get to see their face when later they realize you were hip all along. I’m not saying dumb yourself down, just be quiet and let people show you who they are first before you let them know you see them for real.

19. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and you will thank yourself later.

20. In my experience, whether you lean more towards modernism or traditionalism, being too extreme in either causes unrealistic expectations which can lead to hopelessness & ultimately leading to depression. I was both for a time and like many, I now prefer a happy medium. It all depends on the subject.

21. Evidence based is best. Real evidence. I’ll trust science over pseudoscience.

22. Don’t think you can’t learn from people a lot younger than you. Older does not always mean wiser. It depends on lived experiences, awareness, critical thinking skills, exposure, education, environment and the flexibility to say you may have been wrong about some things. The ability to change your stance with new information as long as it’s reputable causes growth. Nature and nurture both come into play with much of this.

23. Get curious about life and read about various things often to enlighten your mind. Try to learn something new every day but learn how to differentiate between reputable information and pure biased information. Watch out for confirmation bias too when you’re doing research. If you lead with a stance when researching, your results will match up with that. Researching from a non biased standpoint is best if you want to learn more.

24. I’ve learned that many humans have this desire to be an oracle of some sort that has some form of superhuman capabilities to see into the lives of others. This can be in the form of psychics, astrologers, prophets etc. Many people also fall for this. A lot of these things boil down to the Barnum effect also known as the Forer effect. Of course things will resonate with most people if they’re vague and the person is knowledgeable of human behavior. I’ve also noticed that these “revelations” will be something that can be interpreted by the natural 5 senses but people will say it was a “6th sense” that led them to the information lol. It can be something they read, saw, heard or already knew from being around a person. Be skeptical when things like this are brought to you. On the other hand, I think some truly have good intentions and just don’t realize it’s their own senses revealing these things. People should give themselves more credit. I used to do this too many moons ago but when you know better you do better.

25. To avoid being tone deaf, educate yourself and test the temperature of any culture before you speak on it.

26. Remember to see the humanity in other drivers on the road. Too often we can just see them as obstacles holding us up from our destination. Tensions can be high and people are more likely to lash out on the road because they’re failing to see the humanity in the other drivers until they are out of their cars. Keep in mind that they’re trying to navigate traffic just like you and their families want them to arrive to their destinations safely just like yours do. Show some grace on the road.

“I don’t care as much about wrinkles and gray hair. I’m more worried about keeping my worldview flexible enough that when I’m older, I’m not condescendingly telling young people to play by the rules in my day with no concern for whether those rules still apply 🤷🏽‍♀️“ - Lilly Dancyger

Keep in mind these are MY personal life lessons so far. Everyone’s will be different. If you disagree with any of them refer back to # 3 😂

humanity
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About the Creator

Toccara Benson

I’m artsy & I like to create various types of content. I have a witty sense of humor but I also have a sentimental side. My first love is poetry, but I do all sorts of creative writing. I hope you enjoy!

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