Les Fables de Pierre Lapointe
Interpretation of 2 of the French singer's songs
These are two one-shots inspired by two different songs, Nu devant moi and Feuilles d'argent, feuilles d'or. One subject links them both: friends with benefits.
(The short stories are in English, don't worry)
I see the gentle warmth that falls from the skylight of your loft, how the frame formed a large grid on the ground.
I recall the pure white of your room, of its walls, of its floor and of everything other than the sheets of your bed. I remember how the latter’s cream color annoyed me, remember how you kept arguing it was beige.
I recall the pure white of your room, of its walls, of its floor and of everything other than the passion we shared under the warmth of your skylight and under the cream sheets of your bed.
Why? Why should the memories hunt me tonight? Why should I wish to hold you again?
I blame the darkness of my room. The hours I’ve spent mindlessly watching the ceiling. They have lead me to adapt to the night; my eyes seek desperately the slightest bit of light to be engulfed in it.
I blame my shame, product of our fights. There are demons in my mind that keep pestering me for more sympathetic ears; there are phrases that could have been left unsaid.
The reason matters not. I should conquer my memories. I shouldn’t have wished for more.
These are all stories of the past, sweaty bodies moving as one day or night, enfolding each other with warmth. My core aches, yearning to share my space with you again.
I hope naively that our adventure will resume, hope selfishly that our feelings will one day meet as equals. I wish you would remember the scent of my perfume mixed with yours and once again cherish it.
If words are what has put an end to our relationship, silence will reign. Only travelling hands will speak with words of "caress" and "embrace".
My head is a mess of thoughts. Of pure adoration, of longing and of lust. I am restless.
I would do anything do see you again. I would let you kneel naked in front of me and forget I ever loved you, for that is what you wish.
I feel abandonned.
I feel like you abandonned me. Feel like I abandonned you. I feel like you and I abandonned “us”.
I feel like a coward. I blame you for being a coward.
I blame us for giving up.
But mostly I blame me for demanding there be our story to write.
In the end, the reason matters not. I should have conquered my feelings. I shouldn’t have loved you.
These are all stories of the past, sweaty bodies moving toward their own goals day or night, caging each other in the sultry air. Yet, my core aches, yearning to share my space with you again.
I might respect that our adventure has ended, I might understand that you can’t control how you feel, but I’m angry. I wonder if you even cherished my scent mixed with yours.
If words are what has put an end to our relationship, silence will reign. Do you hear the pleading of my hands, remember the softness of their caress?
The Condor and the Prey
He was awake but he made sure that it was left unnoticed. He didn't want to make any sound. He didn’t want to break the silence. He didn’t want this moment to end. He didn’t want The Prey to wake up. He wanted to be the vigil of his resting.
He wanted to keep his smell and the sound of his breathing next to him. He knew that, when the morning would come, the other man would leave as if nothing happened.
So much had taken place in this room and he hated himself for allowing the memories to slip away every time.
He wasn’t able to bring himself to confess his feelings to his friend. He was too afraid that The Prey would leave the room like every time they embraced each other. He was scared that this time, the other man wouldn’t return.
His lover opened his eyes lightly.
"Is there something on your mind?"
"No. I’m fine, you can go back to sleep."
The man sat up. The Condor’s stomach turned. He didn’t want him to leave just yet.
"What time is it?" His partner spoke in a sleepy voice.
"Already? You’ve been awake all this time?"
"No," he lied, "I slept a bit."
Four hours had passed since the music of moans and skin on skin had stopped. He had been staring at The Prey since then and kept doing so. It was just that fascinating to look at his long lashes and smooth skin, just that endearing to acknowledge the bit of drool dripping from his mouth.
He couldn’t help but to approach his face and seize his lover’s upper lip between his. He took the sleepy man’s cheek in his hand and forced him closer.
He liked the way his partner would relax in his embrace, careless, vulnerable. His lover let him see his deepest most primitive and intimate desires. To The Condor, it was a display of trust. It felt validating.
Their breathings were unsteady. His partner posed a hand on his chest. The Condor kissed the side of his partner’s lips and then stopped.
He looked straight into The Prey’s eyes and let his thumb slowly caress the other’s cheek.
The man broke the stare, most likely scared of the meaning The Condor’s eyes were holding. The sound of laughter was agonizing.
“That was hot,” his lover let out between breaths.
The Condor faked laughter.
He had broken the deal. Once the door to the room opened, feelings were left in the hallway. That was the deal. He didn’t keep his promise.
Learning to know his sex partner’s body, there wasn’t any problem. However, eventually, he had started knowing him as a person and that had led him into a labyrinth he couldn’t escape. Every route he took seamed to lead only to this man. The Prey.
"Is something wrong?"
His friend was getting uncomfortable; he could hear it in his voice. The other man was smart, perceptive; he couldn’t just act as if he didn’t understand his friend’s feelings. At this point, they couldn’t lie to each other.
As he couldn’t find the strength to voice the truth The Condor kissed him again. He didn’t want him to leave. He wanted to stay with him. He wanted a role in his story, a place in his scenery.
The Prey pushed him away. The latter was looking down. He wasn’t looking at him."I…You know I can’t do this."
The warmth in his chest was uncomfortable. Adrenaline coursing through his veins, ready to run after The Prey if he were to leave. It felt like he wanted to leave.
He didn’t want him to leave. "I’m okay with the way we are right now."
Their eyes met.
The routes The Condor had taken, the routes that only led to him, they had many similarities. Not only they all had the same termination but they were all damaged. They were all formed by old broken cold walls that seemed ready to collapse near the end.
The Prey averted his eyes once again. "I wish you wouldn’t lie. I wish you wouldn’t have lied to me back then saying that you wouldn’t develop feelings and I wish you wouldn’t lie to me now saying that you are okay with how we are."
He wanted to argue, wanted to explain himself, wanted to say “I was scared you would leave if I told you the truth. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to hold you and kiss you anymore. “ He was terrified.
"I think,” The Prey gulped, something, maybe feelings, caught in his throat, “I’ll just leave for tonight."
He uncovered his legs and got ready to stand up.
He stopped his movement. "Hey, hum…I don’t think we’ll be able to continue doing this anymore. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t hate you. It’s just that…I like you enough to know I don’t want to hurt you."
The man he loved stayed there for a couple of minutes. The Condor had sat back up. He was staring at his hands, clueless as to how to react, petrified.
He had wished that, with him, The Prey would be able to find comfort once again. He had wished to be the person The Prey would come to with tears rolling down his cheeks. He had wished to wipe them away so that The Prey wouldn’t have to taste the salty water anymore.
He wanted to tell The Prey that he would be there, that he wasn’t alone anymore and that everything was going to be okay.
He wanted to tell him a simple “I love you”.
"I want to be by your side. That’s all I want. Even if it’s only in bed...I just want to be with you.” The Condor turned his head to look at the other man’s back. His head was slightly turned to pay attention to what he had just said.
When he was done processing his words, The Prey stood up.
He put his clothes back on in the opposite order that, hours ago, he had helped him take them off. He walked to the door and left the room without a look back.