La vie est belle

When I worked as a carer, I’ve heard one particular thing more than once. When a lady I took care of had a bad day and, I suppose we might have both been wondering if it’s worth it, she’d say: ‘Better that than the alternative.’ Better meaning struggle and the alternative death.

Well now, hold on. This could be discussed at length. However, it’s frowned upon if you’d prefer the alternative because we’re humans with a brain, which is incomprehensibly complicated. We don’t want death. Whatever comes our way, our most deep-rooted, most basic, and primal instinct kicks in, just survive to see another day. You really don’t know what it can bring. We should have the urge to be curious about what lies ahead until the lights go out. As long as we can stretch it.

So, is love beautiful? Absolutely. Emotions or feelings are the only things that make us human. Animals have them too actually. That’s the point, they make the Earth spin. Our emotions and feelings, yes. Not our bodies. The evolution is still in progress. Maybe one day humans will feel less pain as they age or be younger for longer? Or not. I don’t see it.

And that’s exactly what happens as one grows older and older. You do get wise and if nothing else, you still have memories, at least. Your brain might be just fine, but your body won’t listen. There is nothing one can do to have a body that doesn’t age. The aging process is telling us that we are here temporarily. Don’t be fooled by out-of-this-world moments. Everything passes and you just keep going. There’ll be magical moments and there’ll be unimaginable or completely unsolicited heartbreak. I just go through it. I’m there for it. I show up to face it. Thanks for all the experiences, but I’ll never get it Universe, will I? As long as you know, I’ll be fine. I’m just here for the ride.

In the big scope of things, think about this regularly: on your deathbed, will you laugh or will you cry? Then just go do things that make you laugh. While you still think there’s time.

Also, easier said than done. You just don’t have so many things to laugh about on a daily basis, which is exactly what I would love to do. Have many things that fill your day and make you laugh. Driven by all of the above, I booked my flight and my apartment and waited for the date. I was going back to the city I fell in love with and in after about three months because I loved it at first sight and despite the fact that each time I travel I try to pick a different destination, this time I made an exception. I’d go back to the same place because I was drawn back, I had to go back ASAP, I wanted to go back. Not just because the restrictions are slowly, but surely creeping back in and I wanted to get away before they get tighter and use my vacation wisely. I contemplated quite a few cities, but there’s one thing that tipped the scales.

He was there. I had been manifesting our reunion for the said three months, the moment since I left. I felt many things have not been said and done. We had so, so, so, so much potential. During those three months, he was the only thing in my head, at all times. It was him morning, day, and night. I worked so hard on manifesting us back: affirmations, twin flame education, moon powers, journaling, mindfulness, thankfulness,... I tried very hard to convince myself we were possible with just a little bit of effort. Many relationships have started that way and then a couple moves mountains to be together. They work it out.

We have never talked about us. We just enjoyed the hell out of every second together. It was magical and catapulted me into my world of delusions.

A quick reminder about this story: Crazed and confused. Well guys… This is the second part of my adventure. I can now talk about it because I have closure. I know what it was, I’m just struggling to understand why.

All this, and I quote myself: “And if there's only one wish I could have come true, it would be sleeping in with him- a co-protagonist of that part of the story. Time will tell and until it does, I'm keeping him for myself.” now sounds pathetic. However, I purposely put it exactly so, just to provide the answers I knew deep down even back then, but I wasn’t ready to accept them.

The wish didn’t come true.

Time has spoken and I’m releasing him out of my system.

May our paths diverge.

I can’t believe I needed yet one more lesson like this, but it might be karma or doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results?

To be continued...