Humans logo

Know When to Leave

How to Recognise and Leave Unhealthy Relationships and Spaces

By Likhona MsiyaPublished 5 years ago 2 min read
Like
From the Song "Alright" by Kendrick Lamar

We have all been in relationships where, after it ends, we start seeing how we were either mistreated or taken for granted. Unfortunately, all this enlightenment happens when these relationships come to an end.

My story involves a friendship that lasted 6 years. This is a long time. I can tell you today that it was the unhealthiest relationship I have ever been in. Without going on about everything that happened in those 6 years, I can summarise it to: we were on different planes, in terms of maturity. She was immature in the way she dealt with conflict and emotions, and was not good at communicating her fluctuating emotions. Her idea of handling negative situations and energy was to ignore them completely until they either “went away” or the other person forgot.

I was often left frustrated in all these situations. I wanted too much of what she, clearly, could not give me. I followed after her, constantly asking her “what’s wrong,” “have I done something wrong,” “are we still good.” All my advances were met with a distinct lack of emotion or she deceived me by pretending to be okay. I felt like I was repeatedly pouring water into a vessel with a hole: where I knew it had a hole, but I hoped in filling it with haste (and enthusiasm), it would become full eventually.

Although painful, I learnt so much from my encounter with this person.

When you are in a relationship with someone whose emotional intelligence is not on the same level as yours, they are often unable to think for themselves and you. They can never see how a situation or conflict affects both parties. The frustration sets in when you are working hard to be the one having to make the said person aware of your feelings too. That is unfair. A friend of mine once described friendships as being “sacred”—she went on to explain that it requires efforts from both (or all) sides; it cannot rest upon one person to attempt to fix and take blame for wrong-doings and imbalances.

Unfortunately, the other thing about life is: as much effort and attention you put in, people are not obligated to reciprocate or appreciate you. It is important to recognise these situations and to take yourself out of them. It will not be easy, especially if there is love and time involved. Habit, included (sometimes we are so accustomed to certain negative traits and behaviour that we deem it as normal and we do not regard it as unhealthy).

This is where the notion of “know when to leave” comes in. Know when you have overstayed your welcome in someone’s life. Leave. Take yourself out of situations and spaces that do not contribute towards your growth, especially if they are straining you emotionally. People do not owe you any of the feelings you give them. Do not blame yourself for their inability to love and support you. It is just the wrong person.

advice
Like

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.