Journey to the Urge Within

Saw the sun rising

Orange cutting through cold blue

Winter morning light

I’ve never really thought about who has inspired me. It’s never been a topic of conversation. Until now – until reading the brief for a writing competition.

I sat down, floored. This is what arose.

BEING AT A LOSS

I sat there and wondered just how much I knew about the word ‘inspire’. Have I ever used it? Yes. Not often, but enough. Did I even know what I meant by the word? I thought so. I used it in the context of encouragement – ‘you’re an inspiration to people’. I never said ‘to me’.

I have thought about who or what may have inspired me in a life that passes as the blink of an eye.

Were people an inspiration to me, even if I didn’t say it? I don’t know. I don’t recall any time I was inspired, or even what that feeling might be, but I could be wrong. I may not have logged it at the time, nor labelled it ‘inspiration’.

I took out a sheet of paper and sought to recall people who might have inspired me, and none came to mind, not one. So I went back to first principles – what does it mean to inspire or to be inspired by?

I read this note referring to Courtney Pine’s song: ‘Miss-Interpret’. It says that the song is about ‘what happens when we do not perceive the truth that lies before us.’ That seems to sum up how I am feeling.

WHAT DOES ‘INSPIRATION’ MEAN?

What is inspiration? Dictionaries go alone the lines of ‘filling someone with the urge to do, feel or be something; to excite, encourage, or breathe life into someone.’

I wonder if it is the same as someone or something that is an ‘influence’. Is there some sort of scale of influence where influence becomes inspiration?

It gave me the idea of ranking people on a spectrum that goes from ‘my interest in them’ to ‘how much I took ideas from them’ which is my interpretation of ‘influence’. This helped in as much as some seemed more influential, for example: illustrator Ivan Bilibin, writer Alan Plater, artist Allen Jones, and cartoonist Will Eisner.

Then it struck me – I was already energised when I was drawing on their work. My exposure to their work did not fill me with any urge or breathe life into my creative output. The urge was already within me. I appreciated their approach and learned from it fuelled by my own drive.

I noted, too, that it was their work and not them that I was drawn to. I can tell you practically nothing about the individuals aside from their name and some of their work. I am not fired up by the work. I am interested in it. So I don’t think that they are inspirational, not for me.

Inspiration, it seems, is about energising someone, and that means that it is important to talk of being inspired. The evidence for someone being inspirational is through people being inspired.

Can you be called inspirational if no one is inspired by you? Perhaps. Perhaps there is a notion of latent or potential inspiration – ‘(s)he has the capacity to be inspirational!’ And that must apply to us all, to every individual. We all have the capacity, the potential to inspire. Likewise we must all have the capacity to be inspired too: to be energised on a path of our choosing, to move forward to a better tomorrow. We may even be able to inspire ourselves – our past actions inspiring our future ones.

I have a sense that where we have a desired future, a dream of ourselves tomorrow, we are open to inspiration. The inspiration offers energy in support of our journey.

‘To have faith in our destiny we must believe in our Tomorrow,’ sleeve notes to Courtney Pine’s ‘I Believe’.

BEING INSPIRED IS ABOUT WHAT WE DO WITH INSPIRATION

What is it to be inspired? From what I’ve read, it is a feeling, a sense of energy being breathed into you that elicits action. That is key – to be inspired action must result. Inspired action also suggests that the energy is directed. It could be that you choose the direction or that you are guided by that which inspires you.

To be inspired you need to be open to inspiration, open to a source of potential energy, and potential guidance in the direction you apply that energy to. The energy, and any guidance, come from a source that can be identified.

As with anyone you take guidance from it helps if the source is one with which you can relate in some way, where there is a sense of connection, a resonance.

Being inspired must be like wireless re-charging. You are exposed to an energy source that you trust, that’s relevant to your journey, and at a time when you have a need for the energy, and guidance.

Horace Silver’s ‘Peace’, first recorded in 1959, is a beautiful piece. I could just sit and listen to it repeatedly, and have done. It’s interesting to note that he wrote lyrics for it which ended: ‘Peace is for everyone.’ He may as well have said: ‘everyone deserves time to re-charge’, although that’s not quite as lyrical. Courtney Pine didn’t use lyrics in his wonderfully mellow rendition.

INSPIRATION IS MOST LIKELY TO HAVE IMPACT AT A MOMENT OF VULNERABILITY OR OPPORTUNITY

People rarely talk of inspiration happening when they are doing well and are happy in life. To have a need for energy there must be some vulnerability, or opportunity, depending on how you perceive the situation.

• To boost you when you’re flagging.

• To help you focus your efforts so that your energy is better utilised.

• To help you break through to a higher level of performance.

• To help you to choose a direction when you are at a crossroads.

Being inspired is about reinforcing your desired identity, whether you are currently enacting it or not. It is not about having something you lack but about bringing to life and strengthening that which you already have deep within you.

In the summer of 1986 I was in Coventry in the midst of studying engineering. I was in flux, wondering if mechanical engineering was for me, and knowing it wasn’t. It was a moment of vulnerability/opportunity. I was open to influence about where to focus my energies. I didn’t want to expend them if it took me away from what I was searching for in life – a deeper understanding of life and an expression of self.

‘Dolores’ is a classic piece Wayne Shorter wrote whilst playing with Miles Davis and Herbie Hancock. Courtney Pine adapting it seems to imply the aspiration to follow in the footsteps of those he admired. Why did he need to? Perhaps he needed something to remind him of his journey, to energise him by grounding him with a piece he loved. He was, after all, in the midst of creating his debut album.

THOSE WHO INSPIRE ARE THE SAME AS US AND DIFFERENT TOO

There must be something in the source of inspiration that resonates with where you want to be. There must also be a sense of connection, especially if you have never met them. It could be their background. It could be their self-presentation: their style, and the people and places they appear to like. It could be the way they express themselves, physically, linguistically, creatively or, perhaps, in their sense of humour.

Alongside this there must be something that they are doing or achieving that is different to you. It could just be the energy they are applying, or it could be an aspect of their mindset or behaviour, the way they show up or the way they apply certain skills or techniques.

The difference sparks a question in you. It initiates an internal or external dialogue: ‘How do I get to be like that, behave like that or achieve that?’ It may even prompt a more telling question such as: ‘Why am I able to excel at this, as they do?’ The difference in these questions is, in part, the temporal perspective from which you view your journey.

All that is needed is that, for a moment in time, or a period of time, they trigger the release of energies from within you – energies that you apply to action: from dialogue to the focus of your thoughts to the application of practical effort.

That summer I heard one of his pieces on the radio. I don’t know which station or when, just that I heard it. I heard it and remembered the title and the artist – Courtney Pine, an up and coming British jazz musician from London. As soon as his debut album was released I bought it to re-listen to that first track – ‘Miss-Interpret’.

thaI have always listened to jazz, but most was via my father’s collection which was all from his era. What he liked was trad jazz, often by British musicians like Chris Barber and Humphrey Lyttleton. Although I enjoyed some of it – the likes of Louis Armstrong, I felt there was something more modern and more appropriate for me. That said, we found common ground with Bix Beiderbecke having heard him on a wonderful ITV series ‘The Beiderbecke Trilogy’ … written by Alan Plater.

So what is it about Courtney Pine that resonated with me that summer?

He’s British, when that need not have been the case amongst the jazz fraternity of the day. He is, will be and always has been, just a year older than I. He grew up going through the same national and global experiences even though his life, with his parents coming from Jamaica, was probably different. All you need is some connection not everything.

Pine had found himself on one path, and realised that there was another t he preferred to be on. He had felt that the path he had been on was holding him back from a better future.

What was he doing differently, or achieving that was different from myself?

Following his own path?

Expressing himself?

Finding his creative freedom?

Breaking bounds?

Or just, more simply, he had decided to take the path to the future he wanted. Unlike me he had already stepped into the unknown, and was making it known as it opened up before him.

‘As We Would Say’ is a conversation between bass clarinet and trumpet, and there’s a real spark between them. Perhaps it was that that triggered the inner conversation I had about a possible change of direction.

INSPIRATION CAN ONLY OCCUR IF YOU NOTICE A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION (at the appropriate time)

Of course there is the issue of being exposed to potential inspiration. In the era of celebrity and public figures it’s easy to notice such people. It’s also easy to then talk about them with others, as the public figure is just that. Perhaps that’s why people in the public eye are so often cited.

We could speak of the little old guy who never has a bad word to say about anyone and who helps his neighbours with their gardens because he loves it. He’s called Jim. That’s great, a fabulous inspiration, although not the same as if I were to say Jay-Z, if, of course, Jay-Z loves doing the garden (does he?)

Maybe we benefit from being more open to inspiration from those around us on a day-to-day basis. They are relatable, and often have achieved things that we aspire to. Being close by we have the opportunity to better connect to them than to someone miles away. I suppose the issue is about the level, quantity and duration of the energy any source might offer. Jim might not offer the level of energy you need, and he may be too close to family and friends – you may sometimes want a source that is remote from your current life.

As to timing, some may be exposed to Jim’s gardening when they live in a flat and inspiration falls to the ground and bears no fruit, others may be inspired to move or apply for an allotment, yet others may hold the seeds dormant until they have a garden on which to work.

Pine’s music captured my attention at a time where I was seeking clarity and energy to possibly change direction. His music, and his own life journey, brought into focus the idea of pursuing a new course of action, even though there was increased uncertainty in that future.

I heard ‘Miss-Interpret’ right at the point where I was looking for some external perspective, one that was not connected to me at all. I had sought insight, if not inspiration, from some around me, and I was wary of broaching the subject at all with others. The shift I was considering was radical. It included a loss of funding for my degree through sponsorship I had gained from Jaguar Cars. It was not the money that was the issue but the loss of freedoms associated with being sponsored for four years.

There is a moment in playing a record, a vinyl, where you have a decision to make: whether to listen to the same side again, turn it over, put on a different record or none at all.

It would be easy to keep playing the same side, to be buoyed by the energy of it. In doing so it can be easy to take no further action. Exposure has not led to action. The potential source of inspiration, so conspicuous that you noticed it, has not elicited movement. So it can’t have inspired. Some people just remain in that moment, not moving – maybe they’re dreaming of a better world and are happy with that.

Inspiration really comes from within us. It is up to us to take the next step, and the next, to turn over the record and to move on. It is up to us to allow re-charging to occur, and to channel that energy to achieve our dreams. The level and quantity of any external source energy may be enough to kick us into action, but it cannot take action for us.

DERIVING SUFFICIENT ENERGY AND FOCUS TO BREAK OUT ONTO, OR REINFORCE, OUR DESIRED JOURNEY

If exposure lasts but moments then the inspirational energy must be high to provide enough oomph. If there’s more exposure there can be less initial energy, perhaps just a spark, just a word or two, that when repeated regularly spurs a change, if we allow ourselves to enact a change.

Pine’s debut album is titled: ‘Journey to the Urge Within’. He described it, at the time, as a personal insight into his identity and culture. He also said that he hoped that it ‘opened up a window into uncharted ground.’

At the time I was going through my own journey. I was 21. I was starting to find my way in the world having gained sponsored from Jaguar Cars as a safety engineer. I had a year with them in Coventry and then went to Leeds for my degree. At Leeds I was exposed to a rich variety of opportunities. Within a very short time I found my life revolved around theatre, art and music, mainly jazz. I actually bunked off quite a lot of my degree to act, sing, stage manage and direct theatre shows. The jazz I listened to in the evenings.

Every day I had energy pouring into this new life of theatre, art and jazz. For some reason it was insufficient to take the step of changing course to something I believed I would prefer. I could have left it at that. I could have left the itch unscratched.

Pine’s album came along at just the right moment – some may say it was serendipitous, others that I attracted it, others that I was open to it. Whichever is the case it appeared, and I savoured it, playing it repeatedly that summer and loving the energy, the dialogue, and the story of Pine’s own journey to his urge within.

The album, and Pine, offered not just additional energy, they offered their own journey, and the individual songs as fuel and as guides, of a sort.

‘Children of the Ghetto’ is a wonderful re-interpretation of Chris and Eddie Amoo’s 1970s piece that resonated for Pine. I love the music, and yet it is the words of the refrain that kept me looking toward a better future. It is sung so wonderfully by Susaye Greene (who had been one of The Supremes).

‘Children of the ghetto

Keep your head

To the sky’

I felt encouraged to look toward the opportunity of a different future – and so I did.

TAKE INSPIRED ACTION

With more energy comes the opportunity to continue on a journey, or to change direction, or to push through obstacles. It seems that inspiration inspires action toward an opportunity aligned to your dreams. Rarely, if ever, do people say: ‘they inspired me to never ever consider being a teacher’. It is about attainment not avoidance.

That makes sense because avoidance, the aversion to something, releases energy without the need for any external re-charge.

I needed to talk, to explore and to express myself regarding the disconnect between what gave me a buzz and what I was pursuing academically.

So, after my first year of university, I arranged an interview with a view to changing to study English and Drama. I should point out that I was doing well in engineering even whilst bunking off. I was on track for a good grade and a solid career if I so wished.

The conversation was fruitful. It revealed that the desire to change course came from my heart. The reasons for staying with engineering were in my head. The interviewer appealed to my head. They highlighted the loss of sponsorship, and the lower probability of getting top marks. Lower marks was irrelevant to me, yet it suggested an orientation of their department that marks were as important if not more than a passion for language and drama.

I didn’t change course. I felt great because I had scratched the itch. Thanks Courtney.

Not only did I scratch the itch, having moved beyond that I was able to identify ways to maximise my enjoyment of theatre and language whilst optimising my efforts on engineering.

That year at Leeds I read over 100 plays (I still have the list somewhere) and saw 26 productions. When I spoke with some people I knew doing English they didn’t get anywhere near that. I realised that I got to choose what I saw and read unconstrained by syllabus or exam. As to contacts you make those that you wish to, if you’ve a mind to.

On the album notes Pine talks of going against the advice of not practising. He decided to practise and to explore, creating his own path. That’s what I decided to do. It paid off in that I devoted more time to theatre at Leeds and was rewarded with recognition for my work – I received Lifetime Membership of the Students Union for services to theatre at the end of that second year. At the end of my final year I left Jaguar and engineering and moved into marketing at ICI. Even though I had followed the corporate job path school and home had encouraged Pine had kick-started the process of walking my own path.

‘Where, When, How and Why’ is a question about ‘our existence today’. It’s a jagged, fast often clashing piece with an underlying reaching and testing rhythm section that gives the impression of determination, determination bordering on obsession.

The drive I had over those latter two years at Leeds and the five at ICI took me away from the corporate world for some years, years exploring human behaviour and language. Although that drive ebbed and flowed with the seasons I am now reaping the rewards.

RECOGNISE THE PROCESS THAT HAS BEEN INSPIRED

Recognising the process of being inspired reinforces that process. I am glad that in coming across the competition I have been able to reflect on that period in my life, something I had not done before.

Reflective learning is acknowledged as a way of identifying key learning points, actions, behaviours and mindsets. I can’t go back and make even more of a life that’s been lived. I can see that life in a new light, and I can make the most of the inspiration and learning now and for the future.

Listening to Pine’s music as I write has reintroduced it to me. Thankfully, last year, a friend persuaded me not to ditch my albums and record player when I was clearing my parents’ attic. So I get to choose whether to turn the record over or not.

In re-listening to it I have reflected on the process that I feel occurred – especially how much was unconscious and intuitive – and how a constellation of circumstances and factors led to a course of action that changed the direction of my life.

Re-listening to it is also reinvigorating. For a few days it’s as though some part of me has fought against that renewal of spirit. Maybe age or habit, or the experiences of the passing years and all the water under innumerable bridges. That feeling ebbs with each day, as though I am loosing the dust-laden webs of endless spiders.

The music, the enthusiasm and spirit of Pine, is timeless. His intent, captured in these pieces, is as young and energised as it ever was. It’s early morning as I write and I haven’t noticed the time passing – testimony, of a sort, to the impact inspiration can have.

‘CGC’ follows his parents journey from Jamaica. The song expresses ‘the joys and sorrows that they are feeling.’ It’s a more playful piece as though you have just come through an intense struggle and stepped into a relaxed space of welcoming people.

RECOGNISE THE NEW POSITION THAT YOU ARE IN

Inspiration is not just about energising movement on a journey or through a change. It invites you to become a new you, someone who has taken action and changed as a result, changed in a journey toward your dreams. That means that you have developed insights and skills, and changed your physical and mental make-up. Each of these put you in a place where you have new resources to call upon.

Reflecting on this new position, this new you is as important as reflecting on the process. I wish I had realised this sooner.

That summer in 1986 I bought ‘Journey to the Urge Within’ because I was in flux – wavering between two courses of action, or being stuck in the indecision between them.

What I realise now is that the album, not just the songs or the lyrics but the sleeve notes and Pine’s own journey all injected energy and insight into my choice to resolve that flux, to scratch that itch. I was addressing my interest, my joy, in drama and linguistics. I was deciding whether, and how, it might play a part in my life beyond that summer.

Pine spoke of ‘woodshedding’ practise – shutting himself in a room to practice eight hours a day. I didn’t do that, shut myself away. I spent as much time as I could involved with theatre productions throughout that second and third year at Leeds. After Leeds Uni, whilst working for ICI, I started teaching theatre workshops, and directing shows for a company in Leeds. I got involved at Harrogate Theatre and put on a performance of ‘Look Back in Anger’ at their studio to positive reviews and full houses. I went on to study dramatherapy and became an nlp practitioner, and a teacher of psychology and social dynamics. All of these I can now see in the light of this journey, a journey where, in 1986, I had ‘opened up a window into uncharted ground.’

All the pieces on the album are, to me at least, positive, hopeful, encouraging of conversation and of making progress.

In ‘Seen’ Pine explores this Jamaican colloquialism that is used to acknowledge mutual understanding between speaker and listener. In a sense I am both. By bringing this journey to conscious mind I can have that internal dialogue, that reflection to close one part of my life and open up the future. The piece is mellower, more melodious. It is, like the other pieces, still fast, yet the melodious quality allows you to feel like you’re out in the sunshine, cruising with friends.

MAKE SURE TO RE-CHARGE READY FOR THE NEXT PART OF YOUR JOURNEY

Having allowed inspiration to occur, taken action to move on toward your dreams, and reflecting on your new position, it is important to make sure you take a bit of time to re-charge. This may be through a break, or through further inspiration. I suppose that is what I am doing in re-listening to the album once more.

It could be that you return to the same source of inspiration repeatedly or move from one source to another as circumstances and opportunity allow.

I suggest this is also a moment for gratitude – for the inspiration, for noticing it and allowing it into your life. Gratitude serves to bring closure to one phase to allow you to move freely on to the next.

For me, I express thanks for an increased understanding of motivation and the role that inspiration can fulfil. It will definitely contribute to my future.

For opening my eyes to exploring it I must thank Vocal.media, and for inspiration thanks to Courtney Pine.

It’s funny that having started to understand inspiration my focus moved solely onto Courtney Pine and my journey back in ‘86. No other source of inspiration has come to mind as I wrote. Perhaps some will soon. For the moment I am happy to be open to inspiration over the coming months and years and to any assistance on the journey ahead.

‘Sunday Song’ is about ‘the spirit of the 7th day and all the peace it brings’. This is the only slow piece on the album. It is open and peaceful. It is also uplifting, in its own way.

THE FUTURE

I am re-charging for the next part of my journey. It will take a week or two to make the most of this moment’s insight. I am also ‘woodshedding’ – practising writing each day.

And, of course, I’m incessantly listening to Courtney Pine – not just ‘Journey to the Urge Within’, I also have his second album: ‘Destiny’s Song + The Image of Pursuance’. I may even have his third album ‘The Vision’s Tale’, and I’ve just ordered his latest album, 2017’s ‘Black Notes from the Deep.’

Thanks Courtney.