Journal Entry: Mon. May 23rd 2022

Monday, May 23rd 2022

I wake at 4:30 with a terrible stomach ache/heartburn, so I just do laundry.

I put the clothes in the washer. It's still free, thank goodness. I sit with Loki for awhile.

Then I take the clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer.

I brew a Crowded Barrel Coffee Co. EleaNOIR Barrel-Rested Coffee in my Mustache Mug and listen to a new acoustic single by Aurora and the album, 'Grow,' by Mree.

I sit with Loki again, and then I get my clothes out of the dryer.

I put Shelby's clothes in her hamper and put mine away.

I make an Everything Bagel with Kite Hill Chive cream cheese.

I journal.

I go back to bed.

I wake up around 11:30. Shelby and I take a shower. I shower with Bourbon, 2-n-1, Head and Shoulders, Shampoo/Conditioner. I use a bar of soap called Man Bar that smells like Taco Bell's meat seasoning. Then I lather myself with Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Soap and rinse. I then smother myself with body wash: Duke Canon THICK Bourbon Bodywash. After rinsing I rinse my hair. Then I use my Duke Cannon Buffalo Trace Bourbon Plant-Based Beard Wash. I rinse. I dry and comb my red beard with its elegant white streaks.

I put on Axe Apollo Fresh Stick, because they were out of Phoenix.

I put in Big Bourbon Beard Balm and put on Bourbon Cologne Balm.

Shelby and I walk to Starbucks. I go to Chevron and get a lottery ticket for Mega Millions with my last five. Shelby gets me a black coffee, but Starbucks coffee tastes awful, and I don't finish it. It was Pike's Place Roast.

We come home and I cook lunch.

I toast an English Muffin in our new, four-slotted toaster, and spread on some veganaise. I plop some spinach down on that thing; then I place a juicy tomato slice and then a Peppered Tofurkey slice. I slide on some vegan CHAO Tofu Cheese. Then I load it up with a fuckton of hot sauce. And Voila. A Vegan sandwich so veganly.

I feast.

But I don't stop there. I eat a banana, a mandarin orange, and a handful of raw almonds. I don't finish the mandarin orange, because it's rotten.

I brush my teeth.

Then I do the dishes while listening to Mree's, 'Winterwell.'

After I finish that album I switch to 'Sirens,' by The Weepies.

I heat filtered, water to 190 Degrees Fahrenheit in my black, Fellow EKG Gooseneck Kettle and steep two teaspoons of Jin Xuan Milk Oolong Tea for ten minutes in my Mike Wazowski mug. I purchased the tea at Mana Bar and Tea Room in Lawrence, Kansas. I highly recommend them.

Shelby watches The Serpent of Essex on Apple+.

I journal.

I check my SSI Application. Still no progress. I submitted in November of 2021. This takes a very long time.

I have a smoothie, carrots, and raw almonds.

I brush my teeth, vote, and go outside.

I come back in awhile later. I got into a fight on Twitter and Facebook because I said I'm voting third party, because Biden did fuck all and I'm tired of centrists. If I ever vote democrat again it better be someone who actually gives a fuck and shares my values.

I journal, while Shelby votes. I go outside again. I get extremely angry and depressed. I start to have an anxiety attack. I focus on my breathing. I stay away from the internet.

Shelby and I go to Mission Wine & Spirits, and I get Laphroiag 10 Islay Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

I sit and enjoy it and try to calm down, while Shelby cooks us frozen quesadillas in the oven.

I break down and cry. I'm overwhelmed and suicidal. I know he didn't mean it like that, but my brother in a round about way called me stupid on Facebook. It really triggered me after a life of my teachers and my dad comparing me to him, and being like, 'I'm really surprised you're not a good student like your brother.' Like almost every teacher that had had him told me this. I always felt inadequate.

So after I admit to Shelby I wanna die, because I'm probably dying anyway and all this is futile, she consoles me and I recover slightly.

I finish a thing of whisky and have another.

I eat the two quesadillas.

Shelby and I go outside to smoke pot. Normally it's a really bad idea for me to smoke, but I am out of fucks, and I only take a little.

We come back inside and finish watching Mythic Quest on Apple TV+.

I have another whisky.

Shelby and I order some kind of food. I'm really out of it. I get spicy fried rice with vegan ham. It's good.

We watch more Mythic Quest.

I'm too tired to take a shower.

We go to bed.

And that's it.

That's my day.

That's Monday, May 23rd 2022