Sometimes, you might not even realise that you are changing during your relationship. People might have said to you, “you are different now” but still, we don’t see that with our own eyes. But, what type of “different” is okay? Have your friends noticed you are not laughing as much, have you stopped socialising with people you used to see often? Or, on the flip side, have you come out of your shell and feel more confident?
Whether your relationship is changing you for the better or for worse will give you a great insight to how well your relationship is actually going.
We hear adorable compliments from our partners like, “don’t ever change,” “I love you the way you are,” but it is impossible to escape the fact that our relationships change us. We no longer refer to ourselves as me or I, everything changes to us and we. For some of us, we enjoy having the security of knowing another person is always there. For others, not being able to go to the shop without telling another person becomes suffocating.
Here’s where you find balance
Changing the way we act is a must when you commit yourself to a relationship. Let’s face it, going out with your friends every weekend and not remembering how you got home that night is not going to go down well with your partner. Instead, you start going out for social or civilised drinks, trading the Jägerbomb for cocktails. So, does that mean you can never go out again? Of course not! Having a night out with friends is always a great stress reliever, but now you have someone else to think about before yourself. Why not take them with you? Or, if it’s a boys or girls night, suggest to them to do something with their friends. Arrange for the second half of the weekend to be just you and them.
You see, being in a relationship doesn’t make you “boring” or stop you from having friends. A relationship involves limits and compromises.
By involving each other in your separate social lives, your relationship will become stronger and allow you both to relieve stress together. By doing outgoing things together, you will also learn more about each other’s personalities, in the long run this will help massively to know what ticks your partner off and how you can avoid annoying them.
TIP: when you live with your partner, you will discover new things about them that you never knew before. If they do things that irritate you, it’s best to mention it early so that they know from the start.
So, you are enjoying saying “we” and love taking your partner on your work night outs. But, how do you know if your relationship is changing you for the worse?
Are you losing the positive traits you once had? Did you used to go running every morning at 6am and always eat salad for lunch? Now are you 10 lbs heavier and look forward to unnecessary snacking on the sofa while binge watching tv shows?
It is easy for us to fall into the trap of becoming lazy and almost “too” comfortable together. You enjoy cuddling up on the sofa and embracing this new feeling of love. But soon, the psyche that you used to love so much is gone and now you are finding the negative traits in your partner that you never saw before.
Although exercising is important for health benefits, you will also find that by not participating in physically activity you will become short-tempered, moodier and more likely to become insecure about yourself. Over time, this will start to impact your relationship as your partner might think, this is not the girl/guy I first started dating. You have lost your calmness and joyfulness that you had when you entered this relationship so why did you change that to become more stressed and less pleasant?
Realising that we don’t need to change our complete selves for our partner is important. Your self-esteem should grow while you are in your relationship. Your partner gives you a new inner confidence that you never had before. You should be pushing each other to be better versions of yourself. If you fight with each other, its perfectly normal, but if you are fighting every single day and you can feel your blood pressure rising without the need of a doctor to tell you, then listen to your body, something is not right.
If you miss your old wild life where you did not have to call someone to say goodnight or want to text them to meet up for lunch, then follow the signs that you are still more concerned about yourself than you are with your relationship.
Your relationship should not be a chore, but instead something you love to do and work on. All relationships take work, and you should be willing to change certain traits about yourself because now there is someone else in the picture whose feelings you need to consider.
Since meeting Pedro, I want to be more successful in my career and do all that I can to support him and our lives to be able to do great things together. I want to travel with him, I want him to be the person by my side when I go through the good and the bad times. I want to work hard in the gym so that he is proud of me and most of all, I want to make him feel like the best version of himself every single day.
If you feel healthier and have a strong sense of self in your relationship then things are looking good. You are probably changing for the better and can overcome things quicker knowing you have the support of someone who will back you 100%. But, if you feel like your partner is literally bringing you down, not supporting you or has increased your blood pressure, then listen to your body and see the signs.
Don't let yourself fall for a negative relationship, finding the right partner will only enhance your life.
About the Creator
My name is Alice, 24 British girl married to my Brazilian husband, Pedro (25). I write to share my experiences of a long distance relationship and general love and relationship tips.