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Is That All There Is To Life?

Questions to ask myself

By DeeyaPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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The whole of that an eye can behold was the sea and the dusk where sun was about to set into the deep. The cry of an eagle had never been so loud and I had never felt so lonely in the crowd. The fading sun wasn't cozy enough in the chilling breeze that was passing through my wretched heart. Gazing at the distance there I stood thinking, on the edge of the boat, is that all there is to life?

 It was an unusual weird introspection that had never crossed my mind before. I thought there was so much left for me to explore and live to the fullest. Everyday was a new adventure. Ranging over the opportunities and travelling through the world. I had the perfect work that I ever wished for. No uniform, no perpetual routine but fullest of passion for backpacking. Adoring every dawn and dusk with new people and pilling up the memories. Admiring and cherishing the beauty of nature always had been my way of contemplating life.“It is impossible to tell what the future holds for you, so thrive today” was the only philosophy of my life. I was petrified by the word ‘constant’. Not being aware about the next destiny always seemed as a new venture but that bittersweetness had now suddenly turned into hollowness. Why? How? I had a lot of questions to ask myself.

Is it worthy to spend your life in vain?

This obsession with exploring had brought me a long way. While insanely chasing the dreams, my forgotten self was endeavouring to wake me up. All of a sudden, this woken neglected self dragged me into the world of solitude. It hit me hard and made me apprehend that I have no certain goals, I have nothing to achieve, my ultimate destiny was to have fun and wander all around the world. I was being self centered more than I have to be. “Life without an aim is like a night without a moon, full of darkness” mocked my father’s voice in my head. I felt suffocated, as if I was drowning in that sea. What should I do? Is this all happening in the view of the fact that I haven't achieved anything in life till today? However, it would be wonderful if I attain something to be genuinely proud of.

Is it really necessary to have someone to call your “Home”?

Sunk in the illusion of love was the world, or so I thought or I was persuaded by the moment. There were couples everywhere I looked in my surroundings. It was the first time I ever took being a social being as a curse. The warmth and coziness under someone’s arm was really what I needed after all these years of wandering around? I thought I was better off alone but, would it be better to have some to lean on? Ummm…... it would definitely be lovely to have someone to cuddle with at the end of the long day, to share your little joys and to rely on during highs and lows. I could see 20 people on that same boat whom I knew, but none of them were my “home”.

Am I asking the right questions?

I asked a lot of questions to myself, not knowing whether they were worth asking or not. The further we sailed, the more I drowned in my thoughts. Every touch of that freezing breeze felt like sprinkled salt on the wound of sorrow. I couldn't decide anything but I had no choice. Nor, I had anyone to cry my heart out with. I was trying hard to pick up the blown up pieces of myself.

 My life seemed deeper than that wavy sea but I was still trying to buoy on it like a splintered branch of a tree which was in search of the seashore. Even after travelling around 45 countries, I could still feel incomplete. Why is this Life so incomprehensible? Is this not what I always wanted, or my life has nothing more left for me? Is that all there is to life?

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