Is Happiness Real?

Back in the day, couples stayed home. They stayed together in the evenings with their families. Spouses were close & they talked about their days & enjoyed each other’s company. Parents played with their children before bedtime. Why can’t it be like that now?

Lately I’ve been dealing with the thought that I may be suffering from postpartum depression. However, I won’t let my feelings show, so nobody in my family knows that. It’s not that I don’t love my children (5 year old son & 4 month old daughter) because obviously, I would give my life for them if I had to. It just seems as if everyone around me still gets to go & do while I’m always stuck at home.

Well not necessarily everyone....particularly my husband. You see, my husband is 5 years younger than me. I’m 27 & he’s 22, so there’s a pretty big maturity difference. We started dating very young & got pregnant accidentally with our first child. Then married soon after & the rest is history.

But sometimes I wonder if I’m truly happy in this marriage. You see, my husband is basically still a child. Sometimes I even feel as if I’m raising him too. He enjoys going out on the weekends to the clubs & drinking with his friends. Then when he isn’t at the club he is doing other things, like volunteering at a haunted house during the Halloween season, or just going to haunted houses with his friends. It’s almost as if he’d rather be anywhere but at home with me & his children.

His son constantly asks when daddy is coming home & his new daughter barely even knows him because he isn’t home a lot. Don’t get me wrong, he takes care of us financially, he works 40+ hours a week at his job. But it’s when he isn’t working, that he decides to be gone.

My family doesn’t know that he goes out a lot. His mother knows & his younger sister knows & no one seems to think it’s odd. His sister does tell me that she doesn’t understand why he’s gone a lot. She tells me it isn’t fair to me. And it’s not.

His immaturity is causing me to wonder if I should end this marriage. Not because I don’t love him, because I love him with all my heart, but because I’m not really happy. I get so burnt out sitting at home taking care of my children alone when I shouldn’t have to. I could understand if he wasn’t in our lives at all, but he is. I haven’t had a night out really since my daughter was born 4 months ago. My husband was at the club the same week we brought her home from the hospital. Do you see my dilemma?

So my question is, how do you know when enough is enough? He & I have talked about this before & it always ends with us arguing. He tells me he’s sorry & he’ll stay home but yet he seems to be pouting so, in the end, I just tell him to go. I always get over it.

When should I call it quits? Should I wait until he outgrows this stage? Because I mean, he has to grow up & mature sometime, right? Is true happiness real? Is it something that just isn’t meant for me?