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International Relationships

Ways to Shorten the Distance

By N.M.EPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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First year marriage anniversary Toronto

Due to my own observation on social media, I would say the number of international marriages has increased. I would also say that being provided with different methods of communication has made that possible. For example, before all these various platforms to communicate, if you met someone on holiday, the likelihood of maintaining anything was difficult. I mean nobody is willing to spend a crazy amount of money calling long distance that is for sure, which takes away the chance to really get to know someone so far away. We live in a time where people have virtual friends and networks, giving them an endless amount of opportunities to flourish both in career and life. This form of communication has not only expanded our access to each other, but has given people the chance to form unlikely relationships.

I would know, trust me, I met the man I know call my husband while visiting family in Toronto. Thanks to Facebook, Skype, and Whatsapp, we formed a unlikely friendship, neither of us anticipated it would lead us to marriage. I mean, let's be honest, we watch too many movies and shows that form our preconceptions about long distance relationships, they make it sound so hard and draining. Lack of intimacy is the focus and the downfall of most of the long distance relationships portrayed to us in these films. So let’s get a few things straight, we do not have the same thought process due to our religious beliefs. I mean you don't even have to be the most religious person to know that your mother would never let you fly out international to see a so called "boyfriend," unless you're living alone, but that is for another day.

For us, being far apart could play at our advantage the room for error and temptation has been eliminated, however depending on how close the countries are many of us aren't given the luxury of seeing each other often. Of course like any normal person the lack of face to face interaction makes you question if this person is as genuine as they make out to be, but let's be honest, do you really know someone until you have moved in together?

Not saying that this type of situation is all roses and fireworks, we had our struggles. The biggest challenge we faced was the time difference. Both of us were full time students with part time jobs and the eldest our families, so yes we both had a lot going on. Despite all that, we still managed to make it work and 1 1/2 years later decided to just get married. You think getting married made all the challenges go away, well you thought wrong. We spent many months apart due to visa issue, changes of plan, and career paths. Our patience after marriage came from the patience that was developed while we were still just talking. Technology for us was and still is the middle man when distance separates us.

Here are a few ways to shorten the distance that they won't tell you in Cosmo or Vogue.

1 - Knowing Each Other’s Routines

You don't need to be a stalker but know the basics. By knowing his/her daily routine, you’ll know when it is the best time to call. You will even be able to pick up on out of character actions, for example if he/she usually calls you daily and you do not hear from them something may have happened. Those of you dealing with crazy time differences know this information allows you to schedule and coordinate times to talk, it also gives you both time for yourselves after university or work.

2 - Virtual Face to Face

As you both live in two different countries, it is good to FaceTime or Skype as often as you can. By switching means of communications, it gives you a chance to have some level of face to face interaction, you can't read facial expressions off Whatsapp that is for sure. I would say the most important time to FaceTime is when discussing serious topics because it is very easy to misread a piece of text. As both of you probably have lives and are busy, not to mention most of us come from large families you can't FaceTime as much as you would like. Therefore when you do get the chance you are appreciative for being able to communicate this way.

3 - Always have an end goal in mind.

Long distance relationships do require much more of an effort, but always know where you stand with the other person. Drop hints on your own intentions and possibly question the other persons end goals. Plan your next few moves together, whether that is telling your parents or simply saving money towards getting married. It is easy for infatuation to shadow your path but how long could that really last. Women are often the drivers of relationships (sorry guys) but it is true, we are the ones that question intentions, draw up plans, and set goals. If a man's true intention is to marry you, he will move heaven and earth to make it happen.

4. Pray Istikhara and Make Dua

We are all told to pray Istikhara when dealing with major decisions in our lives, and of course marriage is one of the biggest decisions we make. Along with this it is good to make habit of making dua for Allah to make things easy for you both throughout for relationship.

Also to be ready once you let families know of your intentions; there will be a million questions sent your way. Be prepared to answer them and this helps if you've spoken to the other person about the major changes in both your lives. Be confident with what you're saying if you're both on the same page, don't allow others to fill you with doubt. Marriage is a big step especially to someone and their family who live so far away from your own, so the more prepared you are mentally the better because once the process starts it can be overwhelming.

5 - Exchanging Gifts

Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang!

NO, less is more here people.

You don't see each other often, but exchanging gifts on occasions is a nice reminder that you care, it can serve as a substitute for your absence.

Simplicity is not only easy on you both who are at this stage saving to get married, but it can get your creative mind back in full gear. A card with kind words, his/her favourite item from your country, something they have been meaning to get for themselves. It is not so much the exchanging of gifts but the thoughtful gesture behind it. Thoughtful gifts are often more appreciated than the lavish things in life.

So there you have it everyone, hopefully this helps a few of you out there currently in international relationships. I will end this how I love to end most things. "Live life, love life and say alhamduliah."

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About the Creator

N.M.E

My passion is sharing my experiences through words, I've been writing poetry for over a decade and recently self-published my first book titled 'Letters on my tongue' which can be found on Amazon. Thanks for stopping by :)

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