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Inevitable Love

The Purest Form of Energy

I got married to Balla 7 months after meeting him. Some people might think that it’s way too soon to get married because you “don’t even know the person”… But let me explain. Within the first 5 minutes of speaking to Balla, these three things intrusively popped into my mind: “wow, look at his eyes”, “we would make beautiful babies” and “is he... the one?” And then, I completely let him go. I didn’t even think anything of him or have a feeling of attachment towards him. In fact, I was speaking to another guy, who had just gotten my name tattooed on his chest *insert face palm emoji here* so that guy was taking up most of my attention. But I can tell you that the moment I saw Balla walk in that door, I fell in love. My conscious didn’t know it in the moment, since time is an illusion, but now that I look back at those vivid moments, my heart knew that we were compatible. I suppose it was an intuition— I just knew (but my brain did not… thank God).

As a little girl, and all throughout my high school, I always believed that there was a man that was designed specifically for me. Now keep in mind that anything is possible because if you don’t, this could sound corny. My beliefs that I was going to find that man were so strong that nothing could phase me— until I fell in love with a man that wasn’t meant for me. That was tough. I convinced myself that my ex was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my lobster. This relationship was incredibly toxic. It was painful. I can tell you that there is not much that I could experience that could hurt as much as I hurt during those 4 years of agony. Every day, or second day, I would find myself sobbing. I became so distant with my family and more devastatingly, distant with myself. The only thing that kept me fighting— literally— was the fact that I knew my worth. He would treat me like I was nothing and I would have to fight for my worth. What got me out of that relationship was the idea of my dream; the idea that I was worthy of being treated how I always dreamt of being treated. And then I met Balla.

Everything with him just flowed so naturally. I met him two days before leaving Senegal, 4 days before the global COVID-19 Pandemic, and I willingly gave him my number. I was always hesitant and uncomfortable giving my number to all the other men that asked me, but with him it was just different. He texted me that night to make plans and the next day he came to Samba’s aunts house (where we met the day before) because her husband is one of his best friends. We spent the night on the balcony speaking about life so fluently and my body was so attracted to him. Not in the way where I wanted to jump on him and have wild s3x, but in the way where my body felt like a magnet to a fridge. I was tired that night, like usual, but I felt extra tired because of the density COVID brought and my flight home the next day/two weeks of quarantine/nobody wanted to pick Samba and I up from the airport. So my body just leaned on his. Usually I wouldn’t do this, because I just met him and I wouldn’t want to get his hopes up, or mine, but I just couldn’t control myself. I felt comforted by his energy.

So I arrived home and was in quarantine with my sister and Samba for 2 weeks. During those two weeks, I raised more than a thousand dollars for the Talibé’s. I was also always on the phone with the guy who tatted my name on his chest, and every night, or every second night, Balla would call. The first night we spoke I was by the window looking up at the stars and I just loved the sound of his voice. It was so deep and sexy. And his laugh, ugh his laugh. I found myself sitting in a meditative position with my eyes closed, completely present with him. I felt as if time and space didn’t exist —because it doesn’t. So a week into the quarantine, I realized that the tattoo guy was a little obsessive and crazy—duh— so I obviously dropped him. That night I learnt Balla and Samba share the same last name: Wade. A wicked sign from the universe for my spiritual self. A two hour phone call later and that night was the first time I opened my heart to him and started to give him a chance.

For 5 wonderful pandemic months, we spoke every night on the phone. My feelings for him just kept getting deeper and deeper. I was never aware of how much depth was actually inside of me. I felt so complete knowing that I had finally found somebody who knew my worth and treated me with such dignity and respect. He never missed a single night. He did everything that he could to find some money and buy internet considering it’s hard living in Senegal… And he did it for me. We would spend hours on the phone and he really isn’t the type to invest too much in phones. His actions were loud and clear and my dream man was finally being manifested. Since finding a rare gentleman was my priority for like, ever, our introduction allowed me to be inspired by life and focus on anything other than boys and the problems that came with them. It was during the 5 months of speaking to him that I created the project to end poverty and that was the cherry on top. It was the moment I knew exactly what my purpose was and what to aim for in life. I felt myself wanting to get to know him in the physical world, so two weeks after the borders opened, I bought a ticket to Senegal; I bought a ticket to my dream.

The plane ride was so friggen long but everything fell perfectly into place. I just wanted to be beside him and this burning desire seemed to make the trip last 10x longer than it should have… I almost didn't even make it pass Brussels, or pass the Senegal border, due to COVID BS, but I miraculously made it and I believe only love brought us together. Our reunion really wasn’t what I expected. You know, I expected that I would run into his arms and he would take my face and kiss me, maybe even tilt me backwards… And maybe, just maybe, God would make it rain. But no. Nope. He just took my bags and we barely even looked at each other in the eyes. It was just ordinary but now that I think about it, it was actually better than I could have imagined because all that mattered was that we were together. When we were walking to the car Samba was in between us and we both placed our hand on his head at the same time and touched each other for the first time since that night on the balcony. We immediately locked hands and from that moment on we were basically inseparable. Samba and I went from being a family of two, to a family of three and I am so incredibly grateful for Balla because he treats and loves Samba as if he is his own child. I’m not going to get into that, but it’s safe to say that he is a super father figure for my son.

So that’s part of our story. I guess that the moral of the story is this: never settle and always believe in your dreams. Now, I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I never want to live without him. Cliché, I know, but if something ever happens that is out of my control, I am sure it would be a transitional spiritual time for me and I would spiral into another portal. My whole reality would change without him and I wouldn’t even have much of a drive to continue on with my ambitions. I’m not saying our relationship is perfect, we do have disagreements and sometimes it is tough, but the love is just inevitable. He is everything that I’ve always wanted from a man and everything that I’ve ever needed. With him I have the space to be myself. He is beautiful, his heart is pure, his eyes are literally the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen and even though he isn’t what society defines as perfect, he is perfect; we all are. He inspires me to realize that our imperfections are nothing but taught behaviours—bad habits. I appreciate him so much because he has completely changed my life. *Takes deep breath*. Two months before meeting Balla, I wanted to die. I said it. You heard me. I didn’t want to live; I booked my ticket to Senegal because I had nothing to lose. Obviously, I would have never actually done anything to take my life away because Samba himself is a reason for me to live, but I hit rock bottom. I see Balla as an angel and with him I feel only the purest energy that life has to offer. So, if you’ve ever wondered why I got married so fast, now you know.

marriage
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Vanessa Wilson
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