I Was Bullied...

I​ was bullied a little as a child, but I wasn’t smart enough to realize it.

I​ got called 4-eyes, but I just thought that meant I could see better then everyone else.

I​ was made fun of because I had a big nose, but I have my family nose, so I took it as a compliment.

I​ was born with a skin tag on my ear that my Mom told me was an ‘earring from God’ so I just thought they were jealous.

I​t wasn’t until I was in my late 30’s that I really felt the effects of being bullied.

Y​up. Adult bullying. It’s a real thing. And it went on for 4 years.

W​henever I talk about it I’m met with the ever-popular eye-roll or a chuckle of disbelief. Anyone who really knows me, and perhaps some that don’t, can’t believe that I would allow myself to get bullied. I am not quiet or shy about how I feel in circumstances like this and I have spent a lifetime building my confidence to a level where I have no problems sticking up for myself.

B​ut what do you do if your bully resides in your workplace? What do you do when your bully is in a position of power and everyone who would normally stand tall besides you cowers because they are afraid to be in your shoes? And most importantly, how do you deal with a bully who has no legitimate reason to be bullying you in the first place?

W​ell, there are three options.

1​. Fight back — Well, I tired. I went to my boss. And then I went to his boss. And then I went up and up as far as I could go. And while some of the more obvious things changed (the ones that left a paper trail) subsided, it just caused my bully to come at me from different angles, and be more sneaky about it. So that plan was a flop.

2​. Quit and find a new job — Well, there was no way in shit I was going to do that! I had worked hard AF to get to where I was, I had committed years of my life to this place, and I was NOT under any circumstances going to let this person push me out for some unknown grievance.

3​. Suck it up and figure out a way to deal with it — Yup… so this is where I ended up. I tried to ignore the lies being spread behind my back, even thought they dragged me down and tarnished my reputation. I tried to ignore the completely childish and unprofessional behavior that they conducted right in front of my face. Everyone knew what was going on, (subtlety was NOT in my bully’s wheelhouse) and eventually it got to a point where we would all just laugh about it when they walked away.

B​ut! I was able to overcome it. I was able to build myself back up, I worked even harder to prove myself yet again, to prove my worth and my value. And guess what? It worked! I got two promotions, I got two raises, and I had finally dug my way out of the hole my bully tried to bury me in.

H​ow you ask? Well I wrote a book.

Where it all started.

Y​ears prior I had hand written and illustrated a little book for my partner at the time. They were going through some identity issues and I wanted to make them feel loved and accepted. I gifted it to them and that was that…

U​ntil I was in the throws of sadness. The utter frustration of being trapped in this situation by my bully caused me to pick it back up. Getting published was quite difficult and time-consuming (perhaps I’ll write a piece about that one day), but long story short, I took that little book from 5000 words to 25,000 words.

I​t was the best, most therapeutic thing I’d ever done. This little book turned into a story that spoke of love and friendship, suicide and acceptance. I wrote it to be accessible for kids 9+ in hopes that it would not only teach them about these issues, but perhaps prevent them from happening. I can only wonder if my bully had read it if any of this would have happened. Probably… some people are just plain rotten… but you never know.

T​he point of this piece isn’t about promoting my book sales (although if you want to check it out I wouldn’t stand in your way 8-) ). What it IS about is recognizing that sometimes the most incredible accomplishments in your life can come from a place of utter despair.

W​riting the book, publishing it, illustrating it and promoting it kept me distracted. It gave me something to hold onto when I heard the latest “Sara gossip” or felt rejected because my bully had gotten someone new to believe their lies. It reminded me to listen to my own words and take my own advice. With every page I finished, a little more weight was lifted off my shouIders.

I​ have since left said job, and yes, unfortunately it had to do with my bully, but I am proud of myself. Not only for surviving 4 hard years, but because I left on my terms AND I have something to show for it. A book that I still read now and then. A book that I hope will one day help someone else. And THAT is what matters.

I​ did not let my bully break me. I now, after writing my own story, feel only pity for them. What a sad life they must have lived to be so intent to ruin someone else’s. I no longer have to deal with them, which makes me the happiest girl in the world.

I​ was bullied. So I wrote a book… and I dedicated to my cutie pie niece, in hopes that she’ll never have to deal with this — and to provide her with some helpful tools in case she does.

But seriously — cuteness overload!

T​hank you for reading!! Have you ever been bullied? Have you found ways to move forward from it and thrive? I’d love to hear about it… in… well you know… the COMMENT SECTION!

H​ere’s the link to my book if you’re interested — like I said, I am ABSOLUTLY not trying to bolster sales, I sold a few hundred and I’m quite content with that. I wrote a sequel, but I can’t afford to publish it yet, maybe someday!

(Previously published on Medium)

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