I Dare You To Love Me

by Carrie Partain 16 days ago in marriage

For Better or for Worse; If Worse Came First

I Dare You To Love Me

Marriage. Most women think about it. Men do too, though may not so readily admit it. Many of us begin entertaining the idea, at quite an early age. We watch our parents and grand parents, aunts, uncles and even our friends take "the plunge". We observe how couples go about choosing their significant other, the person they just can't do without; their soul mate.

For the longest time, there were not as many options available for meeting our person as there are today. There were no cell phones or PC's and unless you had a busy social life, filled with activities and opportunities to just be around other singles on a regular basis, the choices were limited.

You could meet someone at a bar (in my day we called them singles bar's), or you could meet someone through a friend or colleague from work. This was often set up as a "blind date". Blind, due to the fact that you may never have seen the person before in your life. This was almost always a nightmarish experience.

Then, there was the risky move of dating from your choice of co-workers. Never advisable for obvious reasons; chiefly that if things didn't go well, you would be forced to work at the same company or consider finding a new job. The same goes for seeking someone special at church or school, but replace new job, with new church or school.

Singles events or shared activities/common interests, such as hiking or a charity fundraiser can be a better way to go. If you hit it off you can keep it casual and get to know one another in a group setting. Then, if relations steadily heat up, you can always opt for something a bit more intimate.

Once you find that special person who gives you the warm fuzzies, and you spend a reasonable amount of time and energy getting to know them, maybe it's time to think about a more permanent arrangement. Marriage is definitely something that should never be entered into lightly. There are other ways to have a more fulfilling, long-term commitment.

Both partners, can keep a separate residence, and decide that they want to spend the work week, each at their own place , and then trade off on the weekend. One weekend your place, next week your partner's. Of course there is always living together. This has been become the preferred method among single people before marriage, although many people still choose to live separately until the big day.


In traditional wedding vows, these words are often spoken:

I take you my love, to have and to hold, from this day forward;

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,

To love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy law,

And this is my solemn vow.

The customary response to this time honored query is expected to be "I do".


What if the "worse" came first? What if "in sickness and in health" meant that the sickness would come first, and stay forever. What if the beautiful bride or the handsome husband would be immediately and permanently disfigured? Would you still want them?

What if the sickness, not only affected your fiancee's body, but also their mind, impacting their ability to hold a steady job and contribute financially? There could be challenges to raising children, and they might also become unpredictably moody without provocation. Would you still need them?

Finally, imagine that your parents (who had previously been very supportive of the new person in your life), would suddenly begin finding fault with your betrothed, the moment they could no longer bring in a steady income. They would call you up quite often to tell you that they never cared for the person and that they really didn't feel that he or she was good for you, and maybe you should go find yourself another. Would you still love them? Furthermore, would you go through with it? Would you marry them?

Read my story, and I'll share with you how it actually happened to me and my family. In real life, I am the patient. The afflicted spouse. I have two diseases. One is a hereditary connective tissue disorder called Marfan Syndrome. The other illness which I was diagnosed with just three months after my husband and I said, I do is Multiple Sclerosis. I will provide greater clarification and detail if my story is approved. So, let's hope that I'll see you in the next excerpt.

Chapter II (or part two, if that is preferable)

Would you say I do? Forsaking all other partners, till death separated you? I had the fairy tale. I married someone I'd known since I began attending high school in Georgia. We'd both dated and married other people the first time around. I had a hereditary illness that he was aware of since we met when I was a junior and he was already working full time to earn money for college.

...to be continued...

Carrie Partain
Carrie Partain
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Carrie Partain

Writer, Life Coach, Nomad, from Athens, Georgia, United States.

Embarking on a journey to discover life re-imagined after marriage, raising a family, and overcoming adversity. Parenting aging parents, purging the superfluous, and moving on

See all posts by Carrie Partain