I Accidentally Fell in Love With my Ex "Best Friend's" Ex-Boyfriend

Okay, I'm back; I left off at the part where I went back inside and woke up my ex "best friend's" ex-boyfriend, and I was worried our other friend had seen. I feel like I need to give the people in this story names, but of course, I need to change their identities for privacy reasons. So from now on, we're going to refer to my ex "best friend" as Gretchen. We're going to call her ex-boyfriend Ross, and his friend will be called Carl. We'll name any others that make guest appearances as we go along.

I go back inside; wake Ross up; ask him what happened, and tell him I'm freaking the fuck out. He's trying to calm me down, but I am in full-blown panic attack mode. I'm asking him what Carl saw; he tells me he doesn't think Carl saw anything and tells me not to worry about Carl. I knew Gretchen would lose her ever-loving shit if she found out about Ross and me. At that moment, Carl wakes up, looks at me, and says, "you were a goddess last night." Oh, fuck!! What the hell happened last night? I ask myself. My already terrible panic attack just got worse. Did I fuck both of these guys last night? I don't even want to know the answer to that. I had been secretly crushing on Ross for years, but he was Gretchens's ex; this was NEVER supposed to happen. And Carl, not fucking Carl! Carl had been hitting on me since the day we met eight years before, but I was NEVER attracted to him. How could I get that fucking drunk?

I thought I was going to be sick; I couldn't calm down; I really didn't want to know what happened the night before. I had bits and pieces of memory, but I only remembered being with Ross, not Carl, and I had no recollection of fucking Ross. What happened?! I was too fucking scared to find out. I needed to get out of there; I needed to escape, but I had nowhere to go. I couldn't afford an Uber; my car was at Gretchen's, and she was the last person I wanted to see. What the fuck am I supposed to do?! I didn't even want to be in the same room as Ross and Carl; I'm still drunk, and it's a studio apartment; there's nowhere to go. I ask Carl if I can take a shower. I need to be alone, and I need to think. Carl shows me to the bathroom; I thank him, turn to start the shower, and the next thing I know, his arms are around me. This mother fucker is trying to fuck me in the bathroom! No, Carl! I say. He won't stop, I repeat myself over and over until he finally leaves me alone.

I'm alone in the shower, the hot water is washing over my hair and my body, but it's not washing away the shame and guilt I felt from the night before. I still don't know what happened, but I already feel guilty. I had secretly wanted Ross for years, but I knew it could never happen. I didn't even think he liked me like that. How did this even happen? I mean, he kinda dropped some hints here and there since he and Gretchen broke up, but I didn't think we'd ever actually sleep together. Gretchen was my best friend, but the girl is a psycho. What am I going to tell her; how am I going to tell her; should I even tell her? The three of us were supposed to meet with her for dinner later that night. I'm not going; I can't face her tonight, not with Ross.

I get out of the shower, throw the clothes on that Carl gave me to wear and then I went back out to face the music. I wanted to sit down or lay down but there are only two spots to do that. On the futon with Ross, or the bed with Carl. I wanted to be near Ross, not Carl, but Ross is my best friend's ex-boyfriend; no matter how much I like him, we can't ever let this happen again. I go lay down with Carl; at the time it seemed like the safest spot in the apartment; he never dated my best friend; she wouldn't be mad about me fucking him. Carl cuddled up next to me; I let him; I was okay with cuddling; I just didn't want him to try to fuck me. He had been trying to fuck me for eight years, and I had said no to him for eight years.

We all laid there in silence for a while. I think the guys fell back asleep; I couldn't sleep; I was still in panic attack mode. Gretchen texts me. Fuck, what now?! We needed to come up with a cover story. Gretchen was asking where I was and if I wanted her to come get me. That's the last thing that needs to happen. I'm still too drunk to pick up my car, and I don't want to face her. I woke the guys and told them we need to think of a cover story quickly. We decided to tell her Ross had hung out for a bit before leaving, and I stayed at Carl's. When Ross left, Carl and I hooked up. She wouldn't get mad about that.

I hate lying to people, but this girl is the most jealous and insecure girl I know. She would seriously lose it if she found out about Ross and me. I told Ross to leave. I was worried she was going to show up unannounced. I couldn't let her find Ross here after I told her he had left. Ross didn't know that I knew this, but I knew Gretchen had gone through his phone while he slept on her couch a couple of years before this, she had told me this story. They were already broken up at the time. She had already been seeing new people, she had no right to go through his phone, but she had anyway. She found out he had shared a bed with a girl while we were all in Vegas together a few months before. She knew they were sharing the room, but she was under the impression one of them was sleeping on the couch. When she found out they had actually shared the bed, she got so mad she punched Ross in his face while he was sleeping.

I knew she was a fucking psycho, but there was more Ross didn't know about this girl, and I didn't want to be the one to tell him. Years before this, she had brought a male friend to the bar with her. She introduced him to me as her friend. As the night progressed, he and I had too much to drink and we got a bit flirty with each other. I didn't see an issue with it. Though Gretchen was oddly mad, and I didn't know why. She just kept getting madder and madder, but she wouldn't tell anyone why.

We all left as the bar closed; Gretchen was giving both myself and her male friend a ride home. I don't remember her drinking that much that night. She had always been a good driver, but as she's pulling out of the parking space she hits another car. I was in shock, didn't know what happened. I had to call my other friend to come to pick us up. We dropped Gretchen off; the guy stayed with me because he lived an hour away and I had to drive him home the next day. I didn't realize this at the time, but Gretchen had wrecked her car on purpose that night.

He and I ended up hooking up; it was terrible; I never wanted to talk to him again. Gretchen had still been distant; I didn't know why. She finally talks to me a few days later and admits that she was mad because she liked that guy. I couldn't believe how passive-aggressive she was being. There was no reason for her to be mad. All she had to do was tell me she liked him and I would have left him alone, but instead, she didn't say anything and got so mad she wrecked her car with us in it. Ross didn't know about this story; I didn't know how to tell him what a psycho his ex-girlfriend could be when she's mad. I still didn't know what to do about our current predicament, but I knew Gretchen could never find out.

Ross leaves; I stay with Carl, but before Ross left he says, "thank you for sharing your body with us." I was confused and flattered. No one had ever thanked me for sex before. But fuck, does this mean I did fuck both of them last night? I was still too scared to ask. At the time, I thought having Ross leave was a good idea; that way if Gretchen decided to show up unannounced she wouldn't find him here. That was one of the worst mistakes I ever made; I should have never been left alone with Carl. At first, Carl was just cuddling with me, and that was fine. Though not long after Ross left, Carl began to get handsy with me again. I said no and continued to push him away. I was so tired, emotionally drained, and still drunk. I really didn't have the energy to deal with him. I wanted to leave, but I wasn't ready to face Gretchen. I didn't have the money to take an Uber home then another back to Gretchen's later to pick up my car.

Carl continued to touch me. I continued to push him away, saying no. He kept talking about how great I was the night before. I was so disgusted with myself. At the time, I honestly believed I had fucked this guy the night before. I was so mad at myself! I knew better than to get that drunk around him. Eight years of saying no to this guy down the fucking drain! Carl keeps pressuring and attempting to coerce me. God, I want out of this place!! What the fuck am I supposed to do?! I should have never told Ross to leave. Why did I think I would be safer alone with Carl? I knew better than this, but I wasn't thinking straight. Carl would always hit on me when we were alone together. I had been dating one of his friends for six years, and that never stopped this guy from trying to fuck me.

God, I made a terrible fucking mistake staying here with Carl, but now I'm stuck. He just wouldn't stop. I kept saying no, but he just wouldn't stop. Eventually, I just gave in to shut him up. I didn't want to, but I didn't have many choices. I laid there and just took it. I made him use a condom. It was awful. I hated every fucking second of it, and every second made me hate myself more. After he was done, I couldn't stand another minute of being in that apartment. I had to get the fuck out of there! Time to go face the music, but this time with Gretchen. He paid for my Uber to her place, and I was thankful for that because I couldn't wait to get the fuck away from him!

I sat in the back of the Uber trying to figure out what to say to Gretchen. I wanted to grab my car and just go, but my keys were in her apartment, and I didn't want her to think anything was up. I tried to tell myself it was better that I let Carl wear me down. I knew Gretchen was going to ask some very obtrusive questions, and I wouldn't have had answers for her had I not allowed that to happen, but I was still sick from the fact that I just let this man I wasn't even attracted to touch me like that.

I arrived at Gretchen's. She was asking obtrusive questions as I knew she would. Asking me things I didn't know how to answer or want to think about, like "how big is Carl's dick?" I didn't know. I didn't touch that man; I didn't even look at him. I just laid there and took it wishing for it to be over. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with her, and I really didn't want to discuss what had just happened with Carl; I just wanted to be alone. I didn't stay for long. Told her I probably wasn't going to be at dinner later that night. We said our goodbyes, and I headed home. Finally, some alone time! Well, kinda, I still was living with my ex-boyfriend. We had broken up a few months before this but were stuck riding out our lease together; he was friends with these guys too. Yet another person I had to keep this a secret from. Fuck!!

I left; I needed to be alone; I went home and went back to bed. I felt so guilty, but at the same time, I really wanted Ross even more now. What am I going to do? I can't ever see Ross again, but if I start avoiding Ross, Gretchen will get suspicious. Fuck me!! I tried not to think about the situation, but I couldn't stop fantasizing about Ross. Now that I had a little taste, I wanted more. I was too terrified to talk to him though. He was going to be back in about a week or so. We were gonna have to talk.

I let a few days pass, and then I contacted Ross to ask if we could talk. We talked, we decided that we shouldn't see each other for a while, and agreed to not hang out when he comes back the next time. Ross lives in another state; this was helpful because we didn't have to see each other often. But Ross also said something else that left me feeling incredibly confused and hurt. Ross told me we didn't have sex that night. Ross also told me I didn't have sex with Carl either. Carl had fucking lied to me! Ross didn't know I fucked Carl later after he left. I didn't want to tell Ross that his friend had pushed me into it by making it seem like I slept with him the night before; then continued to pressure me until I finally gave in and said yes. What the fuck was going on? Did Carl lie to me? Ross told me that he and I were the ones messing around, but I didn't touch Carl. Ross told me we kissed and did some other stuff, but we didn't have sex. What Ross said coincided with the bits and pieces of memories I had from that night. What Carl had said made no sense. There was something else that had me feeling confused; Gretchen said Ross rarely kissed when they were together; why was he kissing me? I was so confused!

I was feeling so hurt and so confused. I didn't know what to do or who to believe, but Ross seemed to be telling the truth, and Carl seemed to be full of shit, I think. Ross and I agreed to never let it happen again. That wasn't what I wanted, but I didn't tell him that. I thought that never letting it happen again would be best for everyone. Ross contacted me again later that night. He asked if I was feeling better. I told him I was, but then he told me he's not. Then he said something I was NOT ready for. He said, "what about our feelings?" Oh, fuck!! What did he mean by this? Did I fuck up and tell him I had feelings for him that night? I didn't mean to if I did. Does he have feelings for me? I didn't want to have this conversation. I stonewalled him; I told him that our feelings don't matter and Gretchen's happiness is more important than ours. That is a statement that I would soon regret making, but I didn't know that at the time.

And this is where I'm going to end part two of this story. Don't worry, I'll write part three soon. I've linked to a YouTube video I made about consent. I was pretty ignorant about what consent meant before this incident with Carl. What happened with Ross and I was consensual, but what happened between Carl and I was NOT. Carl lied to me; he manipulated me; he pressured me. I had said no multiple times, but he wouldn't stop until I finally gave in. You should never feel pressured to have sex with someone; that's not consensual sex. You should only have to say no once, that's it. He also did this to me at a time I was still intoxicated, at a time I felt I had nowhere else to go, and at the time I was incredibly emotionally unstable. It took me more than a year to realize what happened between Carl and me was not consensual, but more on that later.

As always, thank you for reading my stories! The best way to support me in my writing is with your tips. The more you tip, the more I can write, and all tips are greatly appreciated. If you would like to hear more of the story about what happened between Carl and me, and what consent is, and what it is not, please watch my YouTube video I've linked to.