How to Stop Hating Others

by Keane Neal-Riquier 3 months ago in advice

Surviving in the World Tip #4

How to Stop Hating Others

Just a forewarning. This is going to start off extraordinarily random, but there is a point to be made, I promise.

So I was watching the television show, Lethal Weapon. They were fighting a Mexican Cartel, so there was a lot of Spanish to go along with all the death and action. Then all the sudden my cat, Meriah, walks in meowing like she owns the place. Now, my nickname for her is “Tubby,” and I can see how that may be degrading for her little kitty ears. It’s out of love, I swear. I adopted her when she was two, and she lives as lavishly as a cat can, in the three hours she’s not asleep. Alright, now bear with me, we’re almost to the point.

So, I go on my merry way for the next 30 or so seconds, and I ask myself, why is it I can call her tubby and just go about it like nothing. What if she were a human, I would feel bad, right? Then, in my ah-ha moment, I knew it was because she couldn’t understand me and she didn’t hear me. (Duhhhh. Overthinking powers, activate!)

So now, I head on to my point of this post.

Surviving in the World Tip #4: To Stop Hating Others, Pretend Everyone Can Read Your Mind.


Now think of someone you hate in your everyday life. Becky from marketing? Kenn from accounting? What about that guy Joe that everybody in the office hates? Freaking Joe, why don’t you just quit and leave us in peace!

Here’s the problem with all of that. We let them get to us for no objective reason, but they are there doing the damage of ruining our day. With an old African Proverb, I dare you take a second look at yourself and the situation. The proverb: "If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm." We don’t realize we hate someone because they remind us of someone else we hate, at least in part. Who is that someone? Ourselves! Employing this idea and using it for introspection, days become a lot brighter, and even the most insufferable of our frustrations begin to seem bearable... at least at times.

Newbie writer says what?

When we hate someone else for simply being an everyday frustration, there is a good chance it's because they remind us of ourselves. The part we don’t like and pay no mind to. Now, that part of us may not be as prominent in ourselves as the hateful subject, but that does not retract the truth from this idea.

The reason nobody wants their mind read is that that means all the dirty little secrets, the secretive past, and our seething hate hidden underneath the civility of our façade would all come to life.

If we lived our lives like everyone could read our mind, we would be forced to deal with everything that frustrates us; otherwise, we would run into the same problem. What so many of us fail to realize is that we do that anyway! The only difference is that it is easier to ignore the issues that are manifesting in your conscious than it is to deal with the problems in the real world.

Now I’m not being a big proponent of developing mind-reading technology, I’m just here to shed light that we are not doing any justice by ruminating in the problems that we face.

So what does that mean? Go tell Becky, Kenn, and Joe how much they suck?

Well, no. You don’t just go around starting a problem with the three because that’s not going to get rid of the ruminating thoughts. Think to yourself, why do I hate Becky so much? Really think about it then think about it some more until you can key it as a simple human flaw deviating from this insecurity, that mental struggle, this social problem.

Something to notice is that so many of our poor character traits are transposed to a finite set of problems that every human has to deal with. Insecurity is probably the most prominent of these problems.

Viola, you have now humanized the person you hate. This forces you to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Why would you want to do this, you ask? Just because it is easy to ignore the hate you have for people you have to face, doesn’t mean you should continue to torture yourself by ruminating in the problem. It frees you from the issues you don’t have to face, and that is one of the many ways you start finding peace in your life. It also allows you to love yourself more. Yes, you are being more critical of yourself, but it also makes you more forgiving of yourself. Once practiced, it becomes the perfect balance of loving the world you live in.

How does it work?
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Keane Neal-Riquier

I am from a small town (I mean a tiny, itty bitty, minuscule town). I am looking to chase my passion in writing and make my mark on the world with some swift words, a unique voice, and the will to be different. 


See all posts by Keane Neal-Riquier