When you're looking for a relationship usually you're looking for trust, honesty, and loyalty. Someone who you can spend your whole entire life with and go through anything with. However not everyone you will date will have this qualities. I soon found this out after dating a guy for a year and four months. Spoiler alert he was a good for nothing cheater. I pretty much wasted all my time and energy on him. I was a dumb girl for always going back to him too. See every time we would break up, he would have a new girl in less than 24 hours. Well those relationships wouldn’t last long and he would come crawling back talking about he “made a mistake” and he “misses me.” Well my stupid self would believe him cause I fell madly in love with and believed he would change. Boy I was wrong, he did the same so called”mistake” five times and kept promising that he wouldn’t do it again. The same red flags would coming up every time he was cheating.
Flag #1: Hiding Things
He would always hide his phone from me. He would fight me every time I asked to see his phone or use it for something. He would say things like “you don’t trust me,” “ you can trust me,” “no need to look in my phone if you trust me.” He would make me feel guilty about looking in his phone and social media accounts.
Flag# 2: Guilt
He would accuse me of talking to others and demand that he see my phone and get mad when there was nothing to be found. For one, I was always faithful. See, he was guilty of cheating and wanted me to get caught so he wouldn’t.
Flag #3: Acting Differently
He would act differently around me, like ignore me and pay me no attention cause he was always on his phone. Like his phone was so interesting and he would again hide it from me and go to the bathroom a lot with his phone and take a long time in there. He would claim he’s taking a crap and that’s why he took so long.
Flag #4: Trying to Start Fights Over Little Things
He would fight with me about stupid stuff, like how I left a dish on the counter and it would escalate into a fight about how I was dirty and uncaring and stuff. When they do this, they want you to break it off with them so they don’t look guilty, when people see them with someone else, because hey you wanted a break up, so I’m free to move on as fast as I want.
Flag # 5: They show you less affection.
He barely wanted to kiss and hug me like we used to. Every time we would try to get intimate, he would lose all interest and have problems getting it up if it got to that point. This is because he was thinking about the other girl and took no interest in pleasing me or showing me any kind of love cause I’m not her. He probably also felt guilty about using me for pleasure because that’s probably another reason why he couldn’t get it up. The guilt was on his mind taking away from the pleasure. If they show signs like lack of attention and pleasure, they probably cheating or want to break up.
Flag #6: They make excuses of why they can’t do stuff with you.
He would stop making an effort to take me on dates and make up excuses of why we couldn’t go on a date. Like how he was broke or how he had no gas or had a family event to go to. Which were all lies, cause I usually ask when he gets paused and he always puts gas in his truck about that time. I would even offer to pick him up or do free things like a picnic at the park or bring movies and popcorn to his house and have a movie date. Then I would get excuses like “I’m tried,” “Babe I don’t feel good, I have a fever,” “Maybe next weekend, I’m busy.” It’s like he didn’t care to spend time with me. He was probably having his secret lovers over or something. If they do this, best believe they seeing someone or wanting a break up.
Tip #1 Leave them before it’s too late.
If they do these things, just leave them before they emotionally drain you. Cause you will emotionally drain yourself trying to love a person that doesn't love you back. If they truly loved you, they wouldn’t do these things. It may be hard to find somebody else but it’s better than trying to love someone who doesn't value you or care about you in any way shape or form. You can do better and find better. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve and nobody deserves to be treated like garbage and be cheated on and lied to.
Tip #2: Don’t fall for their lies.
They will say that they love and miss you after they cheat and leave you. When this happens the person they left you for didn’t work and they don’t want to be alone, so they will find the next best thing you. Cause they know you actually loved them and would take them back cause they see you as desperate and someone who can’t do better than them especially when you're still single or your relationship after them falls apart. They will tell you that they won’t make the same “mistake” again. Cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice. They chose to cheat on you and leave you for someone else. A mistake is something you do by accident or by error. Cheating is not an accident or error. They will do it over and over again, especially when you keep taking them back every time they do it. So they think it’s okay to hurt you cause you will forgive and take them back. They don’t love you, they just don’t want to be alone. Don’t buy their bs, especially when it’s happened more than once. You can do better, find better, and be happier with someone else.
Love needs to be an equal partnership. If there no loyalty or effort what’s the point in continuing the relationship? There is somebody out there for everyone, don’t settle for less these what you deserve. Don’t believe that you won’t, cause eventually you will find your soulmate.