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How to Remove Toxic People From Your Life

A radical way to look at toxicity.

By Amanda DoylePublished 12 months ago 4 min read
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Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash.com

So, you want to know how to remove toxic people from your life. Here you go: you will never be able to remove all of the toxic people in your life.

Everyone is broken in some way. It's up to you what you tolerate. But before you cut someone out for triggering the fuck out of you, I want you to read this article and consider what I have to say.

How about this - instead of removing people from our lives because of their problems, how about we love them until they're not hurting anymore?

Huh? What do I mean by this?

Hurt people hurt people. All of these toxic people in your life? Yeah, they're just normal humans like you who got hurt at some point. Just like you.

So let's say you're going to do it. You're going to really assess EVERYONE in your life and remove all of the toxic people. Here's the thing - you'd be left with absolutely no one. Not even yourself. You know why? We're ALL toxic at times!

You remove the people who aren't willing to change. The people who have no remorse. The people who refuse to apologize.

But please, if you're going to cut someone out of your life for their "toxic" behaviour - have a conversation with them first. Give them a chance. See if they're willing to work on this and change their ways. If you want to be forgiven for all of the times you've been toxic, you'll have to start by forgiving others.

If someone is treating you badly, surprise them with love and kindness. You can be capable of showing compassion while still maintaining your boundaries.

So how do we even go from getting triggered by the negative behaviour of others to holding space for them so that they can receive some more love? It's hard as hell, and way easier said than done.

You know this - you know that it's easier to say you're going to be kind than to actually be kind.

But when someone triggers you, get into the habit of taking a pause. Bring yourself back to the moment with a deep breath, wiggling your fingers and toes, stretching, or rhythmically tapping on your wrist or some other body part.

Now that you're in control, remember this: you now have the power to choose your next move. You can choose to treat them with kindness. You can choose to remember that everyone is hurting. You can choose to remember that the people we love are not perfect, and they will make mistakes too.

Imagine yourself in your own little bubble. You can choose what bubbles come into your bubble to make it bigger, and you can choose what bubbles leave your bubble to make it smaller.

When it comes to other people and their bubbles, we can choose to not let their bad energy bubbles penetrate our bubbles. Nothing can penetrate your bubble if you don't want it to.

It all sounds so simple, but choosing love is literally just a matter of choice.

We all act in ways that we don't want to act in. I know I do. We are not perfect. When someone is treating you in a way that you perceive to be toxic, try to think back to all of those times when YOU were toxic. Perhaps you're just getting your karma.

You may be thinking that you don't deserve this. You're a good person. You've apologized. You've made up for it with several good acts. Sorry, but life just isn't fair. No one ever gets what they truly deserve, so just take what you're given. If you want to make it better, work to make it better.

This isn't to say that you should never remove toxicity from your life. But when it comes down to making the choice to remove a person from your life, I believe it should be a no-brainer. You should know they're bad for you. You should know it's not working out.

If you're second guessing yourself, the universe may not want you to give up just yet.

If people have given you chances, give them a chance to explain themselves and try to do better. But if people are cold and cruel, you know what to do.

Everyone is toxic sometimes - so is it really toxicity, or are we just human?

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About the Creator

Amanda Doyle

Currently in my bad bitch era.

Online authenticity coach and tarot guide, here to help you become the most genuine version of yourself online.

Unleash your inner magic with me and own your unique journey!

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