How to Not Woo a Woman

The world of dating is tough. Especially online dating. It seems like every time you want a real relationship, everyone else wants a hook-up and every time you want a hook-up, everyone else wants you to meet their mother and join their church and bare their children.

There are tons of books and YouTube channels and movies dedicated to picking up women the proper way. There are a million blogs about the right and wrong ways to pick up women. Here is my perspective on how to really NOT grab a hold of a woman successfully. Here are five common things men do that you definitely should NOT do.

1. “I’m a nice guy.”

Yeah, and I don’t have a vagina. It is common knowledge that anyone who has to say that they are nice is NOT nice. It’s like you’re reassuring yourself or something. My ex-boyfriend, the biggest, most horrible asshole EVER (even his mother would tell you that) still claims to this day that he’s a “nice guy” but for some reason everyone thinks he’s an asshole. “I’m just misunderstood.” No. You’re emotionally manipulative. Stop. And ladies, if a guy says this, run.

2. “Does my height bother you?”

Oh, you’re short? I honestly did not notice until you said that. Now it bothers me. We women don’t dislike short men. We dislike short men that dislike themselves. If it bothers you that I am 5’8” and 6’ when I’m wearing heels, then it bothers me. But if you can look at me like the beautiful gazelle that I am and say, “I love how I am the perfect height to just nuzzle my head into the nook of your arm while we stand here,” then you’re hot stuff and I like you.

3. “I’m sorry.”

This is only okay if you just said something so blatantly offensive that I had to respond with “fuck you; that was rude.” But there seems to be this breed of men that apologizes constantly for things that aren’t at all worthy of an apology. Example: guy says, “are you into Jack Johnson?” and I say, “I used to be but you know, life happens and you grow up and you realize Jack just isn’t angst-y enough for you anymore.” And then guy says, “Sorry, I didn’t meant to upset you.” What? You asked a question and I answered. Have some confidence! We’re not fragile little pieces of snail shells.

4. Texting/Messaging Too Much or Expecting Too Much Texting/Messaging

Keeping consistent conversation is great. We want to know you’re thinking about us and that you care. You might be on our minds a lot too. But you’re not ALWAYS on our minds. So to know that we are on your minds every second of the day when we barely know each other is kind of creepy. We want some mystery. We want to know that you’re interested. But we also want the fun of keeping you interested. And keeping you interested could be as simple as keeping a conversation going. But if we’re barely speaking to you and you’re still interested, red flag. Relax, buddy.

Also, don’t expect us to constantly be texting you. We DO have lives. Our sole purpose in life isn’t to find a man and keep him continuously gratified. At first, we’ll be pretty chatty. Because at first, we’re chatting because we’re in the mood to chat. Just accept the fact that we will talk when we want to talk.

5. Handling Rejection Badly

There really is just a thing as “bad timing.” And by bad timing we could mean that we’re not interested, or we could mean that we are interested and it genuinely is BAD TIMING. So when we say, “sorry, no,” don’t get mad at us. We don’t all have to like you. Not every person you speak to is going to want to marry you or date you. We all have different standards. We all have different tastes. And like I said, just because we’re not interested in dating you right this minute, doesn’t mean that we won’t ever want to date you. Appreciate the fact that we’re not the type of person to rush into things just because it’s there presenting itself. Tell us you understand, and move on. We’ll appreciate it and maybe even say “hey” later on.

I know what you’re thinking, “Nice guys finish last.” False. Nice guys do not finish last. Insecure guys finish last. We all want a nice guy! We want a guy to worship us and tell us we’re beautiful and make us feel like the queens that we are. But we also want men who challenge us, men who let us be us, and men who aren’t going to let us walk all over them all of the time (only sometimes). At the end of the day, we don’t even need men. But we do want them. There is a huge difference. Remember that.