HOW TO GIVE AWAY A BOOK

Dear Reader,

HOW TO GIVE AWAY A BOOK

I went to Officeworks and asked how much it was to photocopy a page. The clerk replied ten cents per page black and white. I said I had about one hundred pages. She said ten bucks, or eight if I use the self service machines.

Anyway, after a quick exchange and explanation of why I didn’t need to photocopy anything I really just needed three paper clasps, she looked at me strangely and gave me three rusty paperclips for free; because she wouldn’t be able to get a price check on them and I think she just wanted me to go away.

So, I walked into The Paperback Bookstore on Bourke Street in Melbourne on a Sunday just after lunch time and offered a lady wearing horn rimmed glasses three free books written by me.

She said they don’t stock any independent writers, which I thought was strange for an independent bookstore.

I asked if she would like my books personally for free and held them up with a smile. She suggested I put them on a shelf in Melbourne Central Shopping Centre.

It was beyond me to walk that far so I went to The Hill of Content bookstore a few doors down from the Paperback Bookstore – they’re both on Bourke Street. Two cheerful girls smiled at me as I walked in. They were still giggling from a prior conversation obviously cut short by me.

“Hey, do you have a zine section?” I asked politely

“No, said one, we don’t have enough space.” She knocked a little square book with a bird on it off the counter.

“Do you accept free books?” I asked and I held up my three free books.

“Um, we wouldn’t be able to make that decision” she replied.

The other girl added “it’s just been really hard for everyone lately.”

“I don’t want any money though, these books are free and I don’t want to carry them around anymore.” I said

They both looked puzzled.

“Nobody really understands giving away for free, do they?” I queried rhetorically.

They both smiled awkward smiles with big white perfectly straight teeth.

I waved, smiled a cheeky smile, and walked off.

I think the answer to the question posed in the title is to just write them. Write those books. And them burn them, or preferably, recycle them; or better yet - don’t bother even printing them.

Certainly don’t take them to any well established independent book stores. They probably have to deal with lunatics like us every day.

Later, called Neighbourhood books at Westgarth on my way home on the tram. Liam there answered the phone and after a brief conversation told me that most bookstores don’t stock independent writers because then they have to pay too many people. For them, it’s just easier to pay three distributors, or preferably less, otherwise the paperwork is too much.

I understood then perfectly. Forms. Filling out forms. Always forms, more form; then waiting for approvals and rejection, after rejection, after rejection; from your closest friends, the people you loyally buy from every day; your family.

“Can I give these books to you for free?” I asked Liam

“They’re free?” Liam asked, confused; but polite and I could hear kindness in his voice.

“Sure” I said, like a magazine or something. Although, they’re just printed on cheap paper from my printer at home and I only had three paperclips so there’s only three copies. You could just give them away, or even read them yourself – I really don’t care; I’m just tired of holding them and my hands are starting to make the ink smudge.”

“Ok.” Said Liam.

“Ok” I said.

*click*