How to Empower Your Relationships by Adding This Very Simple Ingredient

Sweet beginnings

Close your eyes and try to remember that time when your relationship was young and new. Maybe you could still imagine how sweet everything had been. You saw everything in the light of love, and in that love, there were no suspicions, no betrayals, no ill words to shatter your heart into pieces.

As the years went on, however, you felt a kind of difference. Your initial happiness seems to fade with each passing day. One day, you may feel so tired and worn out that you wonder where all the good things have gone. Whatever happened to the love you’ve found?

Your suspicions

Maybe it all started with a little hunch. That feeling that something is just not right with those we love. Maybe we even entertained the feeling. We thought that this could just be some kind of jealousy and jealousy could even be a sign of love.

Sooner or later, however, our suspicions grew. We found it harder and harder to be at peace in our relationships. We no longer accepted things as they appeared to be. We suspected that our loved ones cared less than they claimed and that they neglected us more and more each day.

It’s not just about trust

It was not just about trusting our partners and loved ones. Though we have to admit that trust may have been impaired as well. But somehow, we grew more and more detached from each other. We no longer thought we were that important anymore in our loved one’s eyes.

And so everything they did was colored with a kind of darkness. If they do something good, it’s only to cover up their faults. If they do something bad, it confirms our feelings that we were no longer valued and loved.

What happens next

We can’t live in this kind of distance without suffering from its consequences. The more we fail to strengthen our relationships, the more it starts to crumble with each passing day.

You know your relationship is falling apart when you feel that the other person couldn’t do anything right anymore. Everything that the other person says seems to annoy you. Everything that the other person does appears to be done just to irritate you.

When you feel like there’s a lot of work to do

While this seems to be the time to apply major changes that could save your relationship, you may also want to consider the simple things that can help make things right again. After all, if you feel overwhelmed with all the hard work you need to do, you may not do it at all. Or you may put it off until it’s too late. On the other hand, if you start to apply simple changes to your relationships, you may just notice enough momentum to keep on going each day.

That simple ingredient

Here’s a very simple ingredient you can add to your relationships to help make it work: give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, it’s that simple, though it may not be that easy to apply. The good news is that you can begin noticing your thoughts each time you feel wronged by your loved one. And each time a crack begins to show up in your relationship, you can try to mend it by using the simple ingredient above.

Why this ingredient?

When your relationship was just beginning, you had less friction with each other because you thought about the best in each other. You were so filled with love for the other person that you never thought he or she could do anything wrong.

As the years went on, however, you may feel that you may have fallen for an illusion. You thought your loved one was perfect, but now you realize the many weaknesses your partner has.

The more you saw each other’s weak spots, the more you were convinced of each other’s darkness. In fact, you may have been so convinced that you started to see only each other’s faults. The next thing you know, you’re quickly judging each other’s words and actions.

By giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, you begin to make space again for the other person’s mystery. You don’t claim anymore that you know everything about your partner already.

“You cannot judge any man beyond your knowledge of him, and how small is your knowledge.”- Kahlil Gibran

How your relationships could improve

While there are other factors to consider to make a relationship work, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt could tremendously improve the way you treat each other each day.

Here are just some of the benefits you could reap by adding this simple ingredient to your relationship:

1. You can avoid frequent arguments

Arguments often take place because of misunderstandings. We often misinterpret the other person’s words and/or actions and we react according to our misinterpretations.

By giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, we give ourselves time to think before we react. We don’t quickly conclude. We give ourselves time to think about things and to confirm our suspicions.

2. You can avoid the blame-game

Relationships often suffer when we blame each other for every bad thing that happens. Instead of taking responsibility for our own actions, we quickly transfer the blame to our loved ones, who in turn may retaliate and transfer the blame to us!

When you start to give another person the benefit of the doubt, you don’t blame him or her outright. You may also begin to reflect if you have contributed directly or indirectly to the issue at hand.

3. You can find it easier to forgive

Relationships are built on forgiveness. Many times, however, we may feel that the other person doesn’t deserve it because of the things we’ve thought about him or her.

To give the other person the benefit of the doubt is to have that kind of perspective that we may not know everything yet about the reasons behind a person’s words and actions. And since we could not possibly know, we could not possibly judge also.

Even if you thought the other person is at fault, you could start to think that there may be other factors that contributed to your loved one’s behavior.

“He may have had a bad day at the office.”

“She may still be adjusting to her new job.”

“She could still be suffering from that trauma.”

“He could be anxious about a problem he couldn’t tell me.”

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” — Robert Muller

4. You can re-build respect for each other

Your familiarity with each other through the years could have lessened your respect for one another. Because of your hurts, you may no longer regard the other person with the same respect you’ve had before.

To rebuild that respect, you may need to undertake a deeper understanding of the other person.

“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” — Guy Finley

5. You can start to see each other in a whole new light

Haven’t you noticed how people often seem to be kinder to strangers than to people close to them? It may be because we give such strangers the benefit of the doubt. We don’t see the mess they made or the things they forgot to do or the mistakes they’ve committed over and over again.

What if we could start to see our loved ones again in a whole new light?

Final words

Giving our loved ones the benefit of the doubt can infuse our relationships with new life and strength. It is something that we could do for each other, something that can quickly become a habit that would nourish forgiveness, understanding, trust and respect.

With it, we can avoid being judgmental and harshly critical of each other. Practicing it, we practice love itself by looking outside of the prejudices we have built through the years as we begin to look at the mystery of our loved ones.

We begin to see them as people who may have faults, but who could nevertheless rise from their mistakes. Love should never depend upon our limited perception but upon that infinite bond we all share that includes both our vulnerabilities and our strengths, our faults and our inherent capacities to love.

“None of us has ever seen a motive. Therefore, we don’t know we can’t do anything more than suspect what inspires the action of another. For this good and valid reason, we’re told not to judge. Tragedy is that our attention centers on what people are not, rather than on what they are and who they might become.”- Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness

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