How to Change Someone’s Mind

People are passionate about issues that are important to them. And they want everyone with an opposing view to change their mind. So when they talk to someone on the other side of the issue who have equally strong beliefs, they both get frustrated, angry, and sometimes violent.

Want an example? Just watch the nightly news.

During a disagreement, people think, “Why don’t other people see things my way?” And that one-way, my way or the highway, thinking is the root of the miscommunication problem. The lack of communication is permeating our society, and it is bad.

Winning people over to our way of thinking on an issue isn’t guaranteed. But there are ways to present ideas that will almost guarantee another person’s viewpoint won’t change.

People Love Facts (or do They)

I was watching a video about a political rally. People were shouting at each other but it was otherwise a peaceful assembly. What caught my attention was a woman on the front line who was chanting the same slogan over and over. It was juvenile but I suppose it made her feel like she was supporting the cause. After a few minutes, a well-dressed man with a microphone confronted her.

At first, he wanted to know why she believed her slogan was true. She responded with her chant and encouraging other people to join her. She was not open to communicating and decided to drown him out. So he asked her again why she believed what she was saying was right. She responded with her slogan. And then a peculiar thing happened. The man quit asking her to explain her position and he began giving her a series of factual statements (at least from his perspective).

And that triggered a response from the crowd.

Within seconds other people who were there with the woman stepped in. They were not engaging the man because they were defending the woman. What they wanted to do was silence the male who had challenged her. They were aggressive and the male backed off.

What was interesting to me was the people who were there with the woman ignored the confrontation until the male began giving her facts about what he believed was true. By forcing his opinion through giving random facts he escalated the confrontation.

No matter how much factual information was given to the group, they became more entrenched in their beliefs. It’s called the Backfire Effect.

“…when people encounter evidence that should cause them to doubt their beliefs, they often reject this evidence, and strengthen their support for their original stance.” — Effectivilogy (author unknown)

I don’t know what the man was hoping to accomplish, but he failed. People are much more open to discussing important issues when they are not in a highly charged environment. And a protest meeting is as emotional as it gets.

People do appreciate facts when they are presented as a new or different way to think about an issue. They don’t appreciate facts used against them as a club.

So the next time you want to use facts to change a person’s mind, try talking to him or her about alternative ways of thinking. You‘ll find people are more open to thinking deeper about their position when it’s in a safe, non-threatening environment. And you just might win some people over to your side.

The Intimidation Factor

Encountering someone that I feel is more powerful, stronger, bigger, smarter, or wealthier is daunting. It doesn’t matter if it’s actually true that a person is one or all of these things. What matters is how I feel about him or her.

An article in Psychology Today says, “Feeling intimidated typically boils down to a sense that the person you’re interacting with is more powerful than you.”

When it comes to changing people’s minds it’s easy to use intimidation either to force a person to accept what’s being said or to make the person go away. Either way, the conversation has failed with no clear winners or losers.

When encountering an intimidating person, it is often best to be humble. That doesn’t mean you give up a position you believe in. It only means that you don’t want a confrontation; you want a conversation. Taking a humble position defuses the intimidator and opens the opportunity for a reasonable discussion. I’ve found that the intimidator will often soften his or her threatening approach and listen if I take a non-threatening approach. And listening is the first step to changing a person’s mindset.

Polarizing People

Cambridge Dictionary defines polarizing as causing “something, especially something that contains different people or opinions, to divide into two completely opposing groups”.

Topics that I think are especially polarizing today are politics, religion, and racism. By their nature, these concepts compartmentalize groups of people with each side feeling their view is the only view. And depending upon the environment, it can quickly cause an explosive reaction with yelling, pushing and shoving, and sometimes extreme violence.

Take politics as an example. A liberal may object to people having and bearing arms while a conservative may feel liberals want to take away their gun rights. So anytime the two groups come together and the issue of gun rights comes up each side stands firm behind their position as the only right idea. At that moment, there is no middle ground because they have polarized themselves.

But is the dividing issue actually true? Do liberals want to take away the 2nd Amendment rights? Without question, some people who have adopted a liberal position do want gun rights abolished. But there are many liberals who enjoy hunting, target shooting, and believe in a person’s right to self-defense.

In this instance, the two sides could start by talking about things they have in common. For example, both liberals and conservatives want to keep their families safe. They both want to pursue things that they enjoy without government interference. And they are both concerned about how their civil liberties are being infringed upon.

By taking a position of starting with common ground, the conversation can develop into something productive for both sides.

---

Everyone can agree that changing people’s minds is satisfying. But the beginning of bringing someone to understand our way of thinking is talking without intimidation or forcing facts on the other person or group.

In the heat of the moment, when tempers are hot, people lose sight of the need to be civil. They forget that there may be other ways of looking at the same issue. And they fail to work together to an equitable solution. We’re seeing the negative effect of forcing opinions upon each other on city streets in America every day. And it is appalling.

If you want to change people’s minds in a way that’s lasting, it isn’t done by throwing out a handful of facts, using intimidation, or polarizing people. It’s done by reasonable people talking through issues until each side appreciates the other side’s point of view.

People will never agree on every issue.

But people should agree to listen to the other side until they understand it.

How to Change Someone’s Mind orignially appeared on Medium