How Life Changed After My Best Friend Ghosted Me

Ten Years of Friendship Ended without a Word.

How Life Changed After My Best Friend Ghosted Me

When I realized I'd been ghosted, months had gone by. I sent emotionally charged text messages and one voice message to my former best friend before realizing she was through with me. Heartbreak aside, I had to know why this happened. I continued to text monthly or so, until I told her in the last one that I would finally stop texting her and trust that when she was ready, would contact me. She never did.

I had a few slip ups between then and now, once writing to her long-time boyfriend asking why she won't talk to me, saying I'm going crazy not knowing. He swiftly unfollowed me on Instagram after that message. I went through my own Instagram and deleted our most recent photos together as well as an apologetic ode to her on one post.

Since the ghosting, I have had to put my cat down, moved, changed cell phone carriers, won a custody case, and got married. I didn't get to share any of those things with her. I had plenty of suspicions of why she decided we could no longer be friends but I think I've only now been able to figure it out. I still hope I'm wrong. I am not sure I was a friend worth telling the truth to or not. I'm not a friend who deserved dignity to her. I was a disposable friend to her.

I don't wish anything but happiness and peace for you, former best friend. I miss you in ways I didn't know I could miss a friend. We were friends for almost ten years and I felt with each one, we grew stronger. I was so wrong as to you, we drifted further and further apart.

I know our lives were going in different directions but I never thought that meant we couldn't still be friends. Sometimes I wonder if this was easy for you. If as soon as something so spectacular in your life happened, it became easier for you to dump me. That's what this feels like but without the "it's not you, it's me" line. We have no closure.

I realize now how much things change and that most people will never stay the same. I realize how special friendships are, especially as an adult. I realize that you can have all the family in the world, but they will never replace your best friend. As much as I am hurt, as angry and as sad as I have been over this, I hope it is what's best for you. I miss you but I will continue to try and understand this as best I can. My heart breaks knowing I wasn't enough for you.

My life hasn't changed much but I have. My heart and my mind have been altered and I'm not sure if I've become a bit jaded or just more of a "realist". Either way, it's opened my eyes. No one owes you anything and nothing's promised. If I can offer one thing to anyone who reads this, please give people an explanation if you can. Maybe I didn't deserve one and I was a shittier friend than I realize. But if you can find it in you to offer up an answer, please do it. It will matter more than you may understand at the time.

To her -

I would never hurt you on purpose. I have nothing but absolute love for you.

I will always love you and accept you no matter what.

I hope to see you again one day. I love you, former best friend.

Alyssa Dufresne
Alyssa Dufresne
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Alyssa Dufresne
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