How I Used A Customer Service Technique to Improve My Life

The best boss I ever had was a maestro at dealing with unhappy people.

This was in a restaurant setting, and if you’ve worked in hospitality, you know it’s a minefield of dealing with disgruntlement. This boss had a way of diffusing hostile situations, and it’s something I carried over to other jobs and into my personal life.

I’ve worked in retail, bars, restaurants, gyms, and arenas, and have seen my fair share of unhappy people.

However, there is a way to deal with unhappy people in these settings or in your life, and it’s with these five words:

“What would make you happy?”

It’s How You Say It

This phrase cannot have even the slightest hint of sarcasm in it. If it does, it can ruin the situation and make the person feel even more insignificant — and agitated.

If you say “what would make you happy?” in the wrong tone, it could escalate things in the wrong direction. Instead, this needs to be a genuine statement in how you can improve the situation.

In a customer service setting, it often catches people off guard. People are so used to being dismissed that they don’t always know how to react to a genuine sentiment.

I worked in hospitality for years and it’s right up there with airports for seeing the worst in humanity — especially with hungry customers and plummeting blood sugar levels. In a majority of cases with an upset patron, it is usually a small, insignificant issue that sets them off.

Using a phrase like “what would make you happy” is the easiest way to navigate the situation as, usually, what would make them happy is something small.

In that setting, it may be taking an item off the bill, offering a free drink, or a free dessert. I worked at one place where we kept “cost-effective” desserts and inexpensive alcohol on hand for just those situations.

We called them “happy makers” and giving them away was a simple solution between customer happiness and them storming out with a flurry of terrible online reviews.

In many situations, the customers also realized their issue was so inconsequential that they would just back off. Once they heard what they were complaining about out loud, it brought them back to reality.

In business, happiness is obviously critical for the bottom line. It costs 5x more to attract a new customer than to keep an existing one. Loyal customers, on average, are worth 10x as much as their initial purchase, and it can take 12 positive experiences to make up for one unresolved negative experience.

Seeing how powerful this was in a business setting, the phrase “what would make you happy” was something I started to use in everyday life.

How Can You Make People Happy?

If you’re like me, you try to be sensitive, but sometimes can come across as just the opposite. it’s completely unintentional, but we often do things that can ruffle the feathers of those we’re closest to.

When I realize I’m in the wrong, I’ve found asking what would make someone happy is the best way to resolve it. Again, it’s usually something small that can set things right. It’s often a simple apology, or just acknowledging how I’ve made them feel.

We are so used to being dismissed and neglected that approaching someone with the complete opposite can stop them in their tracks.

Just offering to make someone happy can be enough to make another person feel seen and heard.

As long as this comes from a genuine place, I’ve found that others don’t even need anything to bring restitution to a situation. You’ve shown you’ve cared and I think that’s what we're all just looking for.

In most cases, what makes others happy is a simple apology. Sometimes, we think something bigger is needed when just saying sorry can suffice.

I know that apologizing is easier said than done. This can be a tough thing for some of us, but it’s necessary if that’s what’s called for. There’s some science behind this, too.

Information from Psychology Today says the first step is to listen to the offended party to determine what matters to them. When an apology would make someone happy, we can break it down into three components:

1. Expressions of empathy
2. Offers of compensation
3. Acknowledgments that certain rules or social norms were violated

Who Did You Hurt?

With these three components in place, the next step is to identify the type of relationship you have with the person you’ve hurt or wronged.

If it’s someone who defines and prides themselves on how they connect with others — and you — they will better respond to empathetic expressions. This could be best with romantic relationships, such as forgetting an anniversary or birthday. Not that I’ve ever done that…

Basically, with empathetic expressions, you want to acknowledge how your actions made them feel. It recognizes how their feelings have been stomped on and your apology needs to address all of this.

When dealing with someone who defines their relationships by what each brings to it — and what they get out of it — offers of compensation work best.

You can probably picture someone like this in your own life.

They are looking for an apology that includes compensations, whether that’s monetary or an act or gesture to make amends.

Lastly, the person who sees their relationships as “part of a group setting or larger community responds best when you acknowledge the violation of social norms.” This could apply to a workplace situation or with friends.

In this situation, you may have done something to upset a friend. The apology would include the acknowledgment of violating social norms because “that’s not what friends do.” You can also say how you will show more support and show how much their friendship means to you.

In all of these situations, you are looking for the best way to make someone happy. Different relationships — and scenarios — call for different resolutions. But in the end, it’s all about seeing what you can do to make the other person happy.

Taking it One Step Further

THE Ohio State University went even deeper into this and found as many as six different components that can make up an apology. They published this in 2016 in the Journal of Negotiation and Conflict Management Research:

• Here are those six components.
• Expression of regret
• Explanation of what went wrong
• Acknowledgment of responsibility
• Declaration of repentance
• Offer of repair
• Request for forgiveness

We should point out that not all of these have to be used. If you’re looking to make amends, you may benefit from including just a few of them.

The research pointed out that the more of them you include when you say sorry, the more effective your apology will be.

If it isn’t an extremely serious situation, you may not want to go through all six of these, and this is where “what would make you happy?” can speed up the process. It can be used after any of these components to get down to brass tacks. I’ve found the sooner I implement those words, the quicker the resolution.

Unless you forget an anniversary…

Wrapping it Up

I like to think I was a pretty good server back in the day — except for one time.

I was serving dessert to a table, and one plate had scoops of ice cream on top of a brownie. The brownie was warm and the ice cream had sat there for a while so it wasn’t sitting too solidly.

When I took it to the table, the scoops of ice cream slid right off the brownie onto the head of one lady.

It looked like she got hit in the back of the head with three cream snowballs.

I was, of course, apologetic and was waiting for her to jam her fork into my forehead. During apologizing, it occurred to me I wasn’t saying anything to remedy the situation. I remembered to ask, “what can I do to make this better, and make you happy?”

This was one of the first times I put this into practice and instead of asking for me to be fired and beaten with a sock full of batteries, she just wanted an extra glass of champagne. I couldn’t believe this was enough to resolve the problem I created, and I was more than happy to accommodate.

Not every serving situation will go the same way, nor will every negative encounter in your life. I’ve just found that an apology can sometimes only go so far. Too much apologizing can turn into empty words and, eventually, some action needs to be taken.

When you ask someone what you can do to make them happy, you get to show remorse, compassion, and understanding. More often than not, it’s usually something simple that can help make amends.

This may be something you already do, but it’s worth incorporating into your life and relationships if you don’t.

It’s our actions that speak louder than words and asking people what you can do to make them happy is the ultimate form of that.