How do I tell my best friend that I'm in love with him?

I have been in love since my childhood. I used to watch movies and read books and dream about falling in love like the characters did. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that I am one of those people now who would not be able to live without someone in their lives. It might seem a bit silly of me to think about this type of thing at such an early age.

My friend and I have grown up with each other for over 9 years now, our parents have been together for over twenty five years, and we all feel more or less as if we are family than just friends. Daniel is their first son. I started crushing on him since i was nine. So it is no surprise that I feel strongly about something, even though I do not know what exactly I feel at the moment.

Well, all I really know right now is that I have been in love since childhood and I have never once stopped feeling that way.

At least when I try. There seems to be some sort of force keeping my feelings from ever going anywhere. I can't get Daniel's smile out of my mind, I can't stop thinking about his eyes and how they look so blue. He is so much more than just a friend but he does not love me back. I don't know if there is any way that I could be happy with anyone else but I do not want to be lonely. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I want to find someone that feels the same way about me as I do about them. But I cannot seem to find it anywhere. I keep getting these stupid butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him and I don't understand why.

It's like some mysterious force keeps stopping me from ever finding a partner. I guess I will have to wait until I find someone who makes me happy.

Daniel has always made me very happy. Even when I was in middle school we were inseparable, he was always with me no matter where I went and I was never alone. At school he would make sure to sit next to me in every class and in the cafeteria. We had so many fun times together. But he only saw me as a friend and not someone he is romantically interested in. I tried asking him on a few occasions when we got older but he never seemed to pick up on the hints I threw out. One day I thought maybe I would finally get my chance to ask him out when he was talking to someone. That was when I got the courage to ask him.

"Daniel," I said softly in front of him before he got away, "will you please go on a date with me?"

He looked at me with wide eyes.

"I... uhm. No I can't." He stuttered while looking down, "I'm already seeing someone else."

I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment.

I turned around and left without saying another word. I walked as fast as I possibly could towards the cafeteria, trying hard not to cry. I didn't want anyone to notice my tears because then Daniel would probably worry. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible. I sat down at my table by myself and tried to eat my lunch quietly. It wasn't until after I finished eating that someone sat down across from me. I looked up and smiled weakly at my best friend, Dan.

"Hey," he said, giving me a small smile.

I nodded in return and kept staring at my lap. I knew that he wanted to talk to me, I could tell, but I didn't want to say anything. I couldn't stand to hear what he would say.

"You're crying," he stated simply, reaching out and touching my cheek. His hand was warm against my skin. I flinched slightly at the touch, closing my eyes and turning my head away from his hand.

"Oh. Sorry," Dan said quickly retracting his hand.

After that, there was no longer anything to be said between us. I felt bad because I know I was being unreasonable, but I just couldn't take it anymore. He wouldn' t give me a chance. He had found someone else. What's wrong with me? Why am I making everything so difficult for him?

"Dan... I..." I began but I couldn't find the words to continue. Tears welled up in my eyes again, threatening to spill over.

"I'm sorry," Dan whispered, leaning forward to wrap his arms around me. I hugged him back tightly and rested my forehead on his shoulder. My breath hitched and I let out a shaky sob as he rubbed circles into my back.

Dan continued to rub my back until I regained control of myself. He pulled back and cupped my face in his hands.

"What's wrong, Nat?" He asked gently.

I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Nothing," I replied in a voice that came out barely above a whisper.

Dan sighed deeply. "Please tell me what's wrong."

I sniffled loudly and looked down at my tray of food.

"Nat, please talk to me," he pleaded.

I shook my head again.

"Come on, Nat, I need to know," he insisted.

I lifted my gaze to meet his again and saw a hint of hurt behind his beautiful blue eyes. I took a deep breath and told him everything.

The whole time I told him I was sorry for being so selfish. I was upset that he didn't reciprocate my affections. I was worried that I might never be loved the way I longed for. I told him everything.

As soon as I was done I felt terrible, like I had betrayed him somehow. But it wasn't like we were dating anyway, so there was nothing that would change.

We ate in silence and when we finished Dan gave me another quick hug.

"Are you okay now?" He asked, holding onto me.

I nodded against his chest and closed my eyes. He kissed the top of my head and ran his fingers through my hair.

"If you ever feel like crying again, I'll still be here for you," he promised.

~*~*~*~

When I came home that afternoon, I headed straight for my room and locked the door. I slid down against it and buried my face in my knees, taking huge gulps of air. Why did I have to be so selfish? Why didn't he love me back? Why was I so afraid of loving?

That night, I decided to call Daniel. I needed to apologize for acting so childish. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dan. Listen I'm sorry I acted weird earlier.

It was uncalled for."

There was a pause. Then he said,

"No, it wasn't, You're my best friend - Nat If there's anything bothering you, you can always come to me about it.'

A wave of relief swept through me. Maybe things weren't ruined after all I thought to myself.

"Really?' I asked hopefully.

"Yeah!" He said.

"If you ever need to talk about anything or just want to listen to my music then I'm always willing to give you my headphones or help you pick the perfect song. Okay?"

"Okay," I breathed, even more relieved.

"See you tomorrow," he said before hanging up.