How Do I Deal With Men Who Are Threatening Women?

Today, something disturbing happened while driving. I stopped at a stop light. A guy with a squeegee came and attempted to start "cleaning" my windshield. The reason I put "cleaning" in quotes is because the window often comes out dirtier than how it started when these guys "clean" it. So, I told the guy no. I didn't want him to do it. I really dislike it when people do that. They don't ask permission, they just start doing it. I find it terribly...problematic.

Anyway, the moved on to a car behind me who also refused the "service". So, he moved over to another car that was right beside and this time he actually did his squeegeeing. At the end, the lone female driver was asked for money. She said no. Then, suddenly, the squeegee guy's intoxicated buddy walked aggressively to her car and started screaming that she was the "B-word". He looked angry and potentially violent, and it was alarming.

Now, I had my drivers side window open and saw and heard this. I yelled at the guy to NOT do that - you know, because it's awful and wrong. This lone female driver suddenly has this irate, intoxicated man screaming at her using gendered slurs because she wouldn't pay a squeegee guy for a window "cleaning" she didn't want. I suspect it was a bit of a scary experience for her.

It was the kind of situation that I think of often. How, as a male, am I supposed to deal with things like that? In this case, I was aggressive. I didn't get out of the car and confront him, but I did make sure he knew that I wasn't impressed. It looked like he was going to hit her car. He stopped being aggressive towards her when I yelled at him, I think because he was surprised that some dude was telling him off over his actions. What if I hadn't yelled at him? Would he have continued to be aggressive? I suspect yes, seeing as it appeared that he turned around and stopped dead in his tracks only because of how I acted.

The light soon turned green, I gave the guy the finger, and I drove on. The woman in the car beside me who the man had been yelling at drove off as well, probably never to be seen again. But, I wish I could have known what was going on in her mind with all of this happening. Was I helping the situation, or making it even more uncomfortable? Was I stepping over a line and coming across as trying to protect her? Did she feel a need to be protected? Did the fact that she now had two aggressive males yelling across her car help or hinder? Did it make her feel even more threatened?

We often talk about men holding men accountable for their actions when it comes to women. But we don't often talk about HOW that should happen. Obviously frank, open and honest discussion is important. But, what about when a tense situation pops up? What is the best way to handle it? How should I have acted in this case? Did I do the right thing? Was meeting male aggression with male aggression the right way to go? Should I have let things be? She was in her car with the windows rolled up. Was getting involved at all an okay thing to do? Was she satisfied with that? Or disappointed? Was she placed into the middle of an even worse situation than if I hadn't said anything? Did, instead of seeing a male hoping to help a female, as two problematic males putting her in a tough spot?

I left the scene wondering what just happened. It popped up quick and leaves me with a whole lot of questions. I wish I could have talked to the woman in the car to find out how she felt about it all and to see if I had done the right thing. Mind you, everyone will have their own view of what the right thing is, I suppose. Is there any sort of consensus though? Is there any agreement we can come to as to what the best way to handle some of these very tense and difficult situations? It's true. We do need to discuss this more as a society.