His Permanent Wife

The ongoing struggles of a man waking up to an evil world. During his early years, he did not have a care in the world. He did not have to worry about responsibilities. Everything was handed to him by his parents, mostly by his mother while his father gave him intellectual advisory skills. As he entered adolescence, responsibilities mounded up with homework and studying for exams. During his junior year and accelerated through senior year in high school, he amassed life-changing responsibilities, such as planning for his future. College and career exploration are the essential responsibilities, but he still wants to be a kid. Reality did not sink in as of yet. The college years resurfaced the carefree precious years of student clubs and parties compounded with the array of midterms and finals. Now those days are over! This man underwent high school, college, grad school, low wage menial jobs, partying every week, and dating different women. The dog years during his high school and college days are nothing but memories. The years of trying to discover himself are over. He wants to commit to a young lady and wants to put a ring on. He is thinking of starting a family and moving on with his life.

You will think this blueprint from a boy to a man is authenticated. There are other avenues he can partake in. Maybe he is not ready for marriage and he wants to become economically sufficient. Nothing wrong with a man staying single to focus on himself. Some men take a longer time to discover themselves as individuals more than others. Some men already made an important decision to be single because their personalities are not in sync with forming a union. Every man has different avenues. There's no wrong road of life to travel in this aspect. Even if he wants to focus on his own life, it will be difficult, especially being reared in low income neighborhoods. Going back to settling down, this grown man settling down with one woman will be an arduous task. There are many barriers impeding his monogamy: infidelity, confused mindsets, constantly putting his friends over his girlfriend, etc. Those are undisputed scenarios factoring into his inability to take the plunge. There is one person that is in the way. It is not the side pieces, the bros before hoes ,or just taking care of himself. It is his permanent wife: HIS MOTHER!

This dilemma is overlooked many times within mother/son relationships, especially with low socioeconomic dwellings. His mother will always be in the way of his personal development. This dilemma is two-folded: they will never let each other go. This man will never assert his full masculinity, resulting in stunted growth. Since this is the first woman in his life, by default he shows reverence to his mother. The flip side is she will never let him go because of the nine month pains she remembers since his birth. This is the bedrock of the momma's boy phenomenon manifesting itself into the permanent wife syndrome.

Single parenthood plays a pivotal role in this dilemma. A large portion of women did a horrible job with mate selection. There is a rarity of women that are involuntarily single mothers because of death, deployment, or divorce. Those are episodes that can't be controlled, which are not considered bad choices. The other single mothers pick environmentally inept men having uncouth characters. She received advice from her parents, the few loyal friends and people that are looking from the outside trying to impart wisdom. Somehow, it went over her head by thinking she can change this dysfunctional man into a responsible co-parent. The poor result is creating a Frankenstein creature whose mindset becomes worse and preys on another woman to repeat the cycle. Since she picked an unqualified mate to co-parent with, her sons have to bare the brunt of playing two roles: son and husband. To some degree, based on his mother's behavioral conduct, he has to play the role of his mother's father. The reversal roles can get men utterly confused.

Take a trip down this man's life from a behavioral standpoint. As a boy, he was ridiculed by his mother. He was told that he is no good like his father and looking like his father in a negative life. Some mothers play the gay card on their sons because he has a male best friend. During adolescence, boys talk about sports, games, and girls. Even those conversations get twisted by his mother because he spends less time with her. Now this boy is receiving the verbal backlash as a kid. How do you expect this boy to behave in his adolescent years and going into young adulthood? Do you honestly think he will treat women with respect because of what he went through as a child? Absolutely not, because he wants to prove to his mother and his homeboys that he can lay with any woman he wants. The definition of a man has been distorted on many levels. For the last fifty years, the definition of masculinity is based on his sexual conquests, not by character of integrity; how many women he can sleep with, not exercising sexual discipline.

Talk shows in the eighties and nineties from Oprah Winfrey, Donahue, to Ricki Lake epitomizes throwing men under the bus for not taking care of their responsibilities. Women have created a new wave for throwing men under the bus by saying they are the new "bitches." This is a disingenuous argument to say about men knowing where this behavior originates. This is psychology 101 based on all behaviors are learned. This is no accident; women know these boys are getting these behaviors from the women in his family (the aunts and his mother) but will not admit to it because it doesn't support their strong women narrative. Many educators will run in parameters blaming entertainment and rap music for boys disrespecting women. Not one person can answer my question: where did the rappers learn how to disrespect women from? The notion of men supposed to respect women because they come from a woman defies logic, especially knowing the "permanent wife" is the one that taught him how to disrespect women. Whether it is intentional or not, his mother has full 100 percent autonomy of raising him. The chickens have come home to roost.

To some degree, mothers get a big kick out of her son treating women like crap. Women get suckered into seeing a picture of a man with his mother on Facebook or Instagram. That doesn't tell me anything because that is not husband material, that is just son material. Actually, a man calling his mother a queen has a somewhat weird incestuous demeanor. Is it really acknowledging her for giving him life or is it slick mind control. You would think that this man raised by his single mother will treat women with respect. You would think if this man treats his mother with respect, it will transfer to the woman he chooses. This is so far from the truth! Some of the mothers actually encourage their sons to treat women poorly. You only got one mother line holds truth but it should not be use as a weapon to put sons in their place. This is the reason why young girls leave the nest at a very young age while their brother's independent living skills are stunted by becoming lazy at home.

Where did he learn how to call women B's and hoes from? His mother. Where did he learn how to swear like a sailor? His mother. Where did he learn how to lie to women from? His mother. Take a trip down memory lane and remember the good ole 70s, 80s, and 90s, even before cell phones were invented. The phone rings and momma tells him if it's a specific person, tell them I am not here. Most of these men see their mothers having a revolving door of men walking in and out the house. This was well established in the 70s, 80s, and still continues till this day.

These same women will rag a man into child support but will get furious when her son goes through the same process. Perhaps it is karma on her behalf. Who knows! She knows the deal about screwing a man over through the legal system so why she not only put a woman through the same predicament but gets angry when her son is facing the same issue for the same charge. Talking about hypocrisy running a muck.

Men are not off the hook with this. Men are the co-conspirators as well. The petty squabbles they have with their mates are disgusting. Throwing subliminal jabs such as "my mom cooks better or can you clean the house like my mom" are abusive methods to sucker a woman to submission. This will definitely determine the relationship loyalty test. You can easily tell if his "permanent wife" is an influence by conflict resolution. If an argument arises and he constantly going to his mother for advice, there's your answer. It is not fair to have your co-parent, girlfriend or wife compete with his mother over who likes him better. This is the apex of how unions can be severed miserably.

Women need to consider this overlooked phenomenon. Pay attention to your friends that are single mothers. The special code phrases such as "my lil man" and "lady killer" speak for themselves. I remember a single mother on her Instagram page posted a pic of her son with the caption "watch your daughters." Already this single mother is raising her son to become irresponsible with his sexual organs. It is so obvious the culpability of raising these boys to become misogynistic are not coming from homes where fathers play an active daily role in their lives.

Unfortunately, this is not an epidemic in affluent areas, because there is a rarity. The men living in these affluent areas have a mother and father. If their parents are married, that is considered a bonus. Even if a man was raised in a single parent house consisting of a divorce or death, he still has an advantage. The boys who lost their fathers through deployment in the military have authoritative male figures that can impart values. This is something many single mothers in low socioeconomic positions clearly do not provide these boys with. These boys are faced with the role models of the drug dealer, player, or the jailbird picked by his mother only to repeat the morbid cycle again.

The man living in less affluent areas raised by his "permanent wife" throughout his entire life will have a difficult time letting go. Sure this man might have educational acumen or make substantial money, there's no disputing that. Can this man become an assertive confident man to commit fidelity to one woman? He can amass many side pieces without commitment. He can become careless with his life and his penis, he can have kids by more than two co-parents, he can be financially illiterate (throwing his money away on tired demon possessed strippers and bailing his dead broke homeboys all the time). One thing, this man can not do is graduate out his adolescent stage. He must not get serious with a woman. That will shake the core life of his mother because she does not care of sharing him. The special lady in his life will never be a supplement to the family, she becomes a threat to the permanent wife's sensibilities.

The new kind of men are not into royalty. They will not even bust a grape in a food fight. These men masquerading as kings resemble the characters of the Wizard of Oz: effeminate like Dorothy, no brain like the scarecrow, no heart like the tin man, and no courage like the lion. If he calls you a queen, he does not want to put a ring on it or establish any commitment. He will sleep with you, knock you up, and move on; nothing more, nothing less. He is throwing meaningless tired titles with false bravado. He has to establish a kingdom first and uphold his masculinity to create himself as a king before acquiring a woman to call her a queen. However, marriage and commitment are not in the "King's" DNA. A majority of them are not even in the prince stage.

You know what is in a "Queen's" DNA? From an emotional and logical standpoint, not sharing her number one title status with his mother. If he's a prince looking for a princess while calling his mother a queen, then it makes sense. However, a real Queen will feel offended if she have to share her status with the "king's" mother. There's no such thing as two or more Queens. Now these "queens" are sitting in a lonely existence asking themselves where is their "king." That nigga is the man of his momma's house, not yours.