High School Problems

What's funny is, even before knowing about the Social Shock Challenge, I was telling a friend about some of the ways I didn't fit in in high school. I was the typical, awkward, teenager. I was tall, even in middle school I was mistaken for a teacher once, plus size, super religious, and didn't grow up in the best of homes. All my clothes were second hand, and I had a very perky attitude that I used to hide behind what was really going on. There were a few students that hated me because I was "too happy". So, now that you have sort of an idea of how I was back then, here are a couple times that I stood out, and not for good reasons.

Being super religious, going to church multiple days a week, taking mission trips, saving myself for marriage, reading the Bible for fun, those kinds of things, my musical listenings weren't all that broad. I had been in the school band since the seventh grade, but that still didn't really expand on the type of music I listened to. What mostly played in my house and in the car was oldies and country. In my room, I was able to listen to bands/singers like Brittney Spears, Backstreet Boys, NSync, Avril Lavinge, all the popular pop music in the early 2000s.

Due to not wanting to be home like ever, I stayed at school and did every band thing possible. Because I went to an out of district school to be in an academy, I would stay after school until band practice would start in the evenings. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 25, so driving home then back to school just wasn't an option. One day after school, a bunch of us girls were hanging in the bathroom, as we do, and talking. In the stalls were typical things written on the walls. I just happened to see "RIP Bob Dylan". I am not one to keep my questions in, so, I ended up asking aloud "Who's Bob Dylan?". This made the bathroom go quiet, then suddenly very loud as everyone questioned me at once how I didn't know. They all came to an agreement that they weren't going to tell me. Then, they took off to the band room to tell everyone not to tell me. I was in the middle of actually using the bathroom so I couldn't stop them.



I finally made it to the band room, and of course no one would tell me who he truly was. They made up answers like "first black guy on the moon". This was back in 2006 or 2007, we had the internet, but it was annoying. I did eventually get on a school computer and look up who he was.

Not every time things got awkward in social situations was fun and light hearted. I was bullied a lot in school, which did not help my mental health at all. One of my worst subjects was history. Being in the academy I was in, we took government in tenth grade when everyone else took it in twelth. Well, I failed. This led to me being the only senior in a classroom of sophomores. All I wanted to do was put my head down and pass so I could graduate. Failing was bad enough, but being in a class meant for younger students made it worse.

There is always one kid who thinks they are cool, know it alls, who's better than everyone else. Unfortunately, this kid was in my class. Anytime I would open my mouth to answer a question, he would have a snide remark about how I shouldn't be talking because I had already failed the class once. Most of the time, it was easy to just roll my eyes and continue what I was doing. With everything going on in my home life, there would be times everything would get to me and the littlest thing would get me really mad. One day this happened in the middle of that class.

It was a typical day in the class. I had answered a question, and from the other side of the room I started hearing the kid run his mouth. I'm staring at the teacher waiting for something to be said or done. But nothing. I was over it. I turned to the kid, yelled "shut the f*** up!", got out of my annoying desk attached to my chair, stormed out of the portable, slammed the door, plopped on the steps, and burst into tears. I don't know what happened after I left. I don't know if they could hear my sobbing through the door, I was just emotionally done. I was in the right mind to not just take off and get in trouble though.

After a while, the door opens and the teacher comes out. Here I am, a 17 year old, crying on the steps in front of a really hot teacher that all the girls had a crush on (forgot to mention that earlier). He sits down and talks to me. Realizing that there is more going on than just the kid picking on me. At this point in my life, I had been told over and over that no one is to find out what is going on at home. It's no one's business, and if it was found out that I told, my home life would be made worse. So, I couldn't just come out and say what was really going on. I simply said "no one knows my life" and no one truly did. The teacher called the student out, asked "why do you have to be such a jack a**" and he apologized. I was given time to calm down, and could go back when I was ready. When I did, the class was quiet, and I was left alone from then on out. I did pass the class and graduated on time. I'm friends with the teacher on Facebook, but I'm not sure if he remembers that day or how much it meant to me.

I know that I was never the only one that went through what I did. And I always knew there were kids who had it worse off than I did. For me, I have always wanted to be able to tell my story, especially all the good that happened as I got older. Growing up, I had self harm and even suicidal thoughts at times. As much as I don't like religion now, it did help me then because I was taught that if you commited suicide, you went straight to Hell no matter what, and I definitely did not want that. I was also worried that people would see marks if I self -harmed because I would change clothes in front of people a lot with being in marching band, so there was nowhere to hide anything.

Back then, bullying was not seen as it is today, and I am happy for that. While it still goes on, it is less tolerated. It took me years, and finding a wonderful husband for my self esteem to get to where it is today. The phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me" is not true! Broken bones heal. Words can stay in your mind forever. Let people be who they want to be, even if it's "not normal". If they aren't hurting anyone else with the way they dress, or how they act, or the way they look, don't try to make yourself feel better by bringing them down. And if you are being bullied, at home, at school, at work, know that you are not alone. Don't be embarrassed or think something is wrong with you if you try to seek help. This goes for EVERYONE! You are important, people care for you, and things will get better.Start