Her Story

The summer of 1979, bands such as Bad Company, Kansas, Cheap Trick, and Styx were all popular and on heavy rotation on the radio. Disco music was becoming a hit among teens around the country. One girl, who we will call Tasha, was going to be a senior in high school. Her parents were divorced and she was alone, none of her family seemingly wanted her around. This dragged hard on her and she didn't feel strong or let alone happy. She lived with a family that she baby sat for, we'll refer to them as the Bakers. They made her feel as if she was one of their own kids. She worked at a theater, walking about two or three miles every day to work on one of the busiest streets in her town. In her early childhood, she was compared to her sister by others, they called her sister prettier and smarter than her. Her siblings would beat on her, pick on her, and lie about her to others. Her mother didn't take lightly to it, and resorted to babying her, this would make the bullying she received from her siblings worse, but she knew she meant well, as any mother would.

It was a Tuesday afternoon in that summer of 1979, she headed out to work as usual, walking alone in the dark along the highway would frighten anyone, but she didn't think anything of it. She had to do what she had to do. She noticed that one of her family friends, who we will call Jacob, was sat at a bar across from the movie theater where she worked, he was keeping his eye on the theater. Jacob's family was friends with her own family, they attended the same church as they did for a period of time. He had several siblings of his own. One of his sisters was even the same age as Tasha. Jacob was a year or two older than her. She always knew the family to be nice people, and she had to admit that Jacob was pretty good looking, but she didn't have any interest in him. She was already seeing another boy from her school.

Her shift finally ended and as usual the theater closed up around 12:30 AM. Several young people were standing outside of the theater, which wasn't unusual, Jacob was one of the few standing outside. Tasha started to talk to him for a few minutes, he soon decided to invite her over to his place for a soda and to catch up. She knew he had his own apartment, but being young at the time, she didn't think anything of it. She felt refreshed to have a ride home and to catch up with her friend. She was excited to share stories of her family and to hear about his.

They both piled into his car and drove off to his apartment. He lived on the second floor of an older building. Upon walking into the apartment, she noticed the sofa to the left, along with the kitchen and restroom. Randy walked into the kitchen and grabbed two sodas and they both sat down on the sofa. They chatted for a while, and then he started to make a move on her and started kissing her. She tried to move away, but he was persistent. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He attempted to remove her shirt, but after a short time, he excused himself to the restroom.

A million thoughts rushed through her mind as she got up from the sofa, she didn't know how much time she had to get out. She was only half dressed at this moment. Three locks were on the door, two deadbolts and one on the doorknob. She turned each one, but the door didn't open. She was horrified. Jacob heard and rushed into the room, tossing her to the ground like a rag and at the same time, he pulled out a switchblade and threatened her to undress and lay down. Still in shock from the door not opening, she had a million questions running through her mind. Did she lock herself in? Could she have easily gotten out if she just tried to open the door first?

Mortified, Tasha did as told, he stabbed the knife into the floor near her, this was more than a warning sign. Once he was done, and let her go, he simply instructed her to get dressed and that he would take her home, he opened the door once they were both dressed and told her not to run, that he would be taking her to her front door. He escorted her to his car and they drove off.

Once at home, Tasha went straight inside and ran to her bedroom, she couldn't do anything but cry, she cried for hours it seemed like. Once she pulled herself and her thoughts together, she retrieved the phone book and decided to call the Rape Abuse hotline. They instructed her on what to do, and that they would meet her at the police station to help report the crime if she ultimately decided to do so, promising to be there every step of the way. But in the end, they were good for nothing, not even to communicate. She ended up reporting it over the phone to the police, and they showed up to her home, they asked her to show them were Jacob lived.

A couple days after she reported this to the police, she decided to go to her boyfriend's home. We'll call him Bruce. She decided to tell him what happened, Bruce became upset that this happened, and he insisted that she would have sex with him, and even went as far as to force himself on her. They weren't sexually active before this time, and weren't after it. Tasha convinced herself that this was his way of claiming what was his.

After a few weeks a detective contacted Tasha and left a message for her, instructing her to call him back. She went to a pay phone to do this, upon calling him back, the detective told her that she willingly had sex with Jacob, and that she only felt guilty because of this and reported it as a rape. This caused her heart to drop and she was upset because the case was dropped and they just let Jacob walk free without any effort. She just wanted to get away from it all.

She decided that she wanted to go to her aunt's home in the next state over. So she started to walk down the street trying to hitch a ride. Soon a man in a pickup truck stopped and offered a ride to her. He asked her where she was going, she told him and he agreed to take her there. After a few hours of driving, he pulled over on a country road, he started to reposition some of his items in his truck and she noticed he had a long gun in the truck. He told her that since he was taking her to her aunt's in the next state over, he owed her sex. If she didn't agree, he was going to take her home. She had that terrified feeling again, she began to pray. She told him she wasn't going to do that, and she was scared he was going to resort to killing her. He shook his head and asked for her address and said he was going to take her back home. She gave him an address in the same neighborhood has her home, but not near her home. He brought her to that address, she waited until he was out of the sight to walk home.

A few weeks later, school officially started. She began to feel normal once again, until she walked into her choir class. There was a new student in her class, Jacob. Tasha felt awful and scared for her own safety. She tried to drop the class, but wasn't allowed to do so.

Along all of this, she went to her doctor and got the news she was pregnant. This news absolutely tore her to pieces, there was so many different emotions running through her head. She had no idea what to do. She didn't tell her mother she was pregnant, but she believed that Mrs. Baker did once she found out.

She was moved into one of her sister's homes after she found out she was pregnant. She wasn't ever nice to her, and at this time, still wasn't. But she wanted to be recognized as a helping hand in this time to everyone. Tasha didn't stay with her sister very long, she was eventually made a state ward. There were two houses she could choose from. One was about 50 minutes away from her city, this one they said they would allow her to keep her baby if she decided to live with him. The second was in the city, but she wasn't allowed to keep her baby if she decided on that one. Tasha didn't want to leave the city, so even with the circumstances of giving up her child, she chose the second home. She decided that if it came down to it she would move out of the home when the baby was born. She moved in with the family, who will be referred to as the Deans. They had one daughter of their own at this time. Tasha had to change schools, which under the circumstances was fine with her. She told her best friend at the time what was happening and her mother told her that she could no longer be friends with her daughter if she kept her baby. That was difficult for Tasha to hear, and felt unfair. But at this point in life, she didn't think anything was fair.

While living with the Deans, Tasha couldn't talk about what was going on in her life. She was only expected to do her chores and spend the rest of her time alone in her bedroom. She had to walk everywhere, no matter the distance or the weather. Mrs. Dean gave her her maternity clothes, they only purchased one thing for her the entire time she lived there, a beautiful cardigan, but wasn't allowed to keep it when she left. She couldn't have a social life. She wasn't allowed time with anyone outside of school. Every Sunday morning they went to the church that was behind the home and during Christmas she was allowed to spend a night with her father. But outside of that, she never really heard from her family.

Tasha saw life as challenging at this time, she was emotional all the time, and couldn't attend a regular class because of this. The school decided to sit her in the home economics office every day and read books and write reports for the year. She was alone, no family or friends. The home economic teacher looked after her during school, let's call her Mrs. Matthews. She was kind to Tasha and knew she was scared. She was just a kid who didn't know how to raise a baby by herself.

Tasha decided that it would be best to place the baby up for adoption, she didn't want to do this, but she knew she wouldn't be able to provide for the child. She wanted it to have a mother and a father. It was a hard decision for her to make on her own, but she accepted it.

She contacted a family service to put up the baby for adoption. The man at the agency said that if the father didn't sign away his rights, they would have no other choice but to put a notice in the newspaper in the city and surrounding towns to attempt to get the father to step forward. Knowing the father was either Jacob or Bruce, she decided to get Bruce to sign the papers to sign away the rights. Tasha looked through different profiles of couples who were wanting to adopt and picked a couple for her baby.

One day in April of 1980, Tasha was setting the table for dinner when she suddenly felt a burst of water. She was terrified and didn't know what was happening. She put the dishes down and rushed into the other room and called Mrs. Matthews. Mrs. Matthew calmed her down and explained what was happening.

It wasn't time to go to the hospital yet, as her contractions didn't officially start. So she sat down and watched everyone eat dinner while she wasn't allowed to. Once dinner was over, she was allowed to do the dishes. Bruce was the one who took her to the hospital.

She was alone in the delivery room, no family, not even Bruce. Once the baby was delivered, they immediately took it away. She spent several days in the hospital, her foster family didn't visit or care to call. Her mother did come to visit her for a while. This was refreshing to Tasha.

After a few days passed they had Tasha sign some papers and at this time she told them she wanted to she her baby, they told her she could see him and hold him however much she wanted. He wasn't in a regular nursery since he was placed up for adoption. She and Bruce spent some time with the baby. She didn't give him a name, she didn't want it to follow her for the rest of her life, since adoption was such a hard choice.

The following day after spending time with the baby, it was time for her to return to the Dean's home. She didn't know if her baby was still in the hospital, but she decided to not spend time with him that last day, she knew she wouldn't be able to let him go. It was one of the most difficult decisions she made in her life. She loved her baby and didn't want to leave him, but it was the best decision for him and she was happy she was able to do this.

Once she was back at the Dean's home, she was still discouraged from sharing personal information about her life or feelings. She didn't return to school, but was in the 1980 graduating class.

She was 17 at this time so she had no other choice but to stay a state ward. She gained a temporary job at the social security office for the summer thanks to a work-study program. Bruce joined the Marines and was off at boot camp, but he was home for a few days. The office didn't allow her those days off so she could spend time with him. So she cut the job short. During this time she found out she wasn't in love with Bruce.

Time passed and she made friends from work and hung out with them regularly. One friend, whom will be called Derick, was special to her. They would talk for hours and spend a lot of time together. He was kind to her and she considered him to be a real friend. One evening they were sitting and talking in his car and they decided to go into the house. Once Tasha walked in, a woman she did not know slapped her and screamed at her. Astonished, Tasha left. She knew there was something going on that wasn't good for her dear friend, but she didn't know how to report it.

While enrolled in college, Tasha was eventually moved into the dormitories, however, she didn't enjoy school. It really wasn't her cup of tea. But, she also didn't really think anything was her cup of tea. She eventually was moved out into her own apartment. She took a job at a drug store and a couple fast food places to make money. She had no idea how to be on her own. She was scared. She didn't know what to do. She thought that to make friends she had to have sex with guys. That was life to her, her purpose. Up to that point, that's what life taught her and no one ever told her anything different. She had boyfriend after boyfriend, knowing she wasn't happy, but she didn't know any different.

She could recall one New Year's Eve party she attended. It was about 11:50 PM and all she thought about was if Jesus was going to return that year. He had ten minutes left to do so, but she wasn't ready for that. Midnight struck, and that second coming didn't take place and she didn't change her life. She thought that if she wanted to be cared about, even if it was a short period of time, she had to lie down with a guy. She got to the point of being so unhappy, she attempted suicide. She thought that she couldn't even do that right when she came out of that situation alive.

Her life went on after this. She broke it off with the guy she was seeing at the time and found out she was pregnant shortly after this. She thought that if she didn't marry this man, she would be forced to place her baby up for adoption again. So, she did just that. But he was hooked on drugs, so she broke it off after a year.

Her life didn't change, but she searched for purpose and happiness. She got married once again and had a beautiful baby girl. Her marriage lasted ten years, but all those years were full of physical abuse, and she finally left. A few years passed and she met a man that loved her, but now, Tasha thinks it was all for the sex because of her past. She had a daughter with him and he passed away when their daughter was three.

Now, years later, Tasha has struggled with declining health, but she was married to a man who loved God as much as she does, and loves her daughter as his own.