Helpful advice for the COVID 19

“Coronavirus! Shit is real! Shit is getting real!”

- Cardi B (wise philosopher and a great thinker of the 21st century)

Unless you live under a rock, just woke up from a decade long coma, or live in North Korea, you’ve probably heard about the Corona Virus. At first, we thought it was a weird way to market beer, or un market beer, but now shit is getting real.

So many people are freaking out right now, buying everything in bulk and producing a lot of sad pictures of the elderly looking for toilet paper on barren shelves. It’s a weird time to be alive. The market is also crashing; unless you sell everyday household items, you’re feeling the hit pretty hard right now. There’s also fear of you or someone vulnerable you know contracting the virus, and potentially becoming part of the rising death toll.

Another issue we’re seeing is people complaining about each other. The cautious ones are calling the reckless ones stupid, and vice versa. There’s some truth to those accusations. Both are acting very stupid. One’s partying in South Padre for spring break, spreading their alcohol-soaked germs everywhere.

Meanwhile, the other side of the spectrum is buying a lifetime supply of toilet paper, forcing grandpa to go home with an unwiped butt. Either one is acting dumb in their own special way. Again, these are crazy times.

The last thing we need to do is fight against one another. The key to getting through all this in a wisely manner is simple: Look out for your fellow human being. That means saving enough tp for grandpa, and not increasing the odds of you spreading the virus by spring breaking in a mosh pit. Now you may be saying this isn’t a serious problem; the crazies are just blowing this out of proportion.

Maybe they are. The news certainly makes it feel worse than it actually is. But all the exaggerated media coverage doesn’t mean COVID 19 can’t have a significant impact on our health in ways the flu cannot. The main problems are we don’t have a vaccine, and this is a highly contagious virus. This shit is going to spread very fast in a short amount of time, says literally every expert (I’m paraphrasing slightly). This combination is going to create a scenario where hospitals won’t have enough room to treat every sick person. If you have the virus in a hospital, it’s much easier to survive if you’re showing strong symptoms. But outside the hospital, where you don’t have access to equipment, your chances of not making it go up drastically. Especially if you have vulnerable conditions like old age, weakened immune system, or respiratory issues like asthma. USA Today reports, More than 4,800 people have died there, surpassing China in total deaths. That’s why they’re telling most of us to stay inside. We need to be careful, cause what’s happening in Italy could just as quickly happen here as well.

This epidemic isn’t the end of the world, though. We’re going to get through this. But from what I can see, the answer isn’t to fight the urge to panic and hoard gallons of laundry detergent and frozen foods; it’s to make sure we’re careful and look out for one another. We’re one species united by our similar DNA. And DNA is a chain, and chains are chained together. So for the next few months, or however long this takes to blow through, we break those dumb chains. And sit alone in our house watching Netflix with Cheeto dust glued to our fingers. Cause that’s the best thing we can do one another.

Lastly, but definitely not least, for those who are still working, that sucks. No one should be forced to work against theirs and other’s safety. Wash your hands for 20 seconds, don’t touch your face, keep at least 6ft away from others, and only drink beer that begins with a bud or a 30 letter german word. Okay, that’s enough lame beer jokes. 

All joking and ranting aside, stay safe, guys. I hope you enjoyed my terrible jokes and that they brought you some escapism from this craziness. We got this!