Healing Cycle

This is a short story I originally wrote in Wattpad for their fundraising partnership my Maybelline for mental health awareness month. The requirements on Wattpad are for it to be under 500 words. Vocal’s requirements are to be over 600 words. So there’s a few changes. You can find the original version on Wattpad. My username there is Chloboshoka.

2020 was promised to be a new age, and normally I am not into New Years resolutions, but this year felt different. I truly felt it was time for a transformation and to eliminate the corruption within me. At the birth of a new decade, I had a feeling of hope over the horizon. I was determined to improve both my mental and physical health. In my mind, if I work my butt off in my 20s and 30s, I’ll reap the rewards in my 40s and 50s before I wither away at whatever age I end up dying.

I expect the worst to avoid disappointment. Our lives are very much like the stories we write. We, as characters have goals. These goals come with obstacles and we must find ways of overcoming these. For many years we’ve seen physical health as such a big obstacle, we’ve forgotten its silent brother: mental health.

I was writing over a thousand words a day. My goal to travel to 30 countries before I turned 30 was nearly complete. Flights to Amsterdam and a cruise around Lisbon and the Canary Islands had been booked and paid for. I had been going to the gym every day for four hours every week apart from weekends. I had dabbled in new things like Zumba, spinning, kickboxing and heavy aerobics.

Had life had carried on the way I had planned it to go, I would have been either super fit or super tired. Everything had come to a sudden halt when lockdown was announced. Thousands were losing their lives, freedom, jobs and way of life. One wave of Covid struck, followed by another. Nobody was immune. The hardest was having nothing to look forward to. With all the millions of hues, the only colour I could see was black.

Covid taught me that death is the only thing in this world that is truly equal. It will chose anyone regardless of who you are. We were told to stay at home. As a key worker at a nursing home I couldn't. I had no choice. I needed to step up and work harder than ever before. To this day, I'm still plagued by what ifs and what could have been.

My mind is always busy and I still struggle to be kinder to myself.

It broke my heart when the adoption agency said no to me. Maybe if I come back later when I have a bigger place to live, maybe. One side of people say i'm not capable of looking after my own children, others say they're discriminatory. My own sacrifices are seen as a red flag to them.

If you asked me what my dreams were ten years ago, it would be like this: go to Japan, write a book, get a boyfriend and be skinny. I made all them dreams true apart from the last one. Dreams as a teenager are different and more meaningful now than they had ever been.

I've had to wait longer to achieve my dreams: travelling around the world, starting my own family, reading all the books I've owned, completing the games I've bought, staying healthy. Above all, I am seeking things that will make me happy. My friends make me happy and I know that when I am able to travel and see my boyfriend, that will make me over the moon.

I know I am entitled and destined to great things and nobody and nothing will stop me. Not even my autism.

If you think my life is crazy, just wait until you see the sequel.