Healing After Being Cheated On

For those who haven't had their heart broken, their trust shattered and confidence totally destroyed by being cheated on, I hope you never have to go through this pain. It is unbearable, yet survivable. For those who have gone through this hurt and have survived my heart will always be with you. I understand this pain well but you are not alone my friends. This article is not simply about being cheated on by your first love, or by a fling or by a rebound. This is written for those who have been cheated on by their soulmates, their life partners and who have found the strength and courage to heal themselves. Here are some of the phases you might have gone through when you discovered the betrayal, and for those who have cheated or been the cheatee, this is an inside look into the pain the faithful partner has been through.

Setting Down Your Boundaries

After discovering that your partner was cheating on you, it might be a good time to set down some boundaries with your partner. Boundaries should be set in order to protect yourself after making your partner aware of your feelings. Once you've expressed yourself, making boundaries such as:

• Not wanting to talk about the affair or cheating instance: Make sure that your partner is aware of your triggers and leave them accountable for being aware of your feelings.
• Taking physical space from your partner: Whether it's daily, weekly or month space. Make sure to take some time be alone because sometimes too much physical contact can bring up much tension.
• No longer having contact with the cheatee: This is dependent upon who it is your partner cheated on you with. If your partner cheated on you with a hooker, similarly to the Tv show The Good Wife when Alicia learns about her husband's affair with Amber, the hooker, asking for zero contact is more than fair. If your partner cheated on you with an old fling or perhaps their best friend, it is more than reasonable to ask for no contact between the two of them for a while.
• Sleeping with clothing: Or having little physical intimacy between the two of you. If you don't want to have sex with your partner after they cheated, you don't have to. Sex is an intimate practice that requires great amounts of trust, and it will take time for your partner to earn that with you.

These are just some example of boundaries to set with your partner, and of course, set your own as you see fit that will always be dependent upon many factors.

Needing To Take Care of Yourself

You might feel the need to fix the relationship right away. You might feel the need to fix whatever caused your partner to cheat on you in the first place. But the first steps you should take is taking care of yourself and not working to fix anything else.

• Let yourself cry: Hell, let yourself scream. You may be feeling shocked, overwhelmed with stress and hurt and may not know how to react either. But at least you would be letting yourself feel. Seek out family, close friends that you trust and pour yourself out to them. And if you're not that type of individual, take the time to spend a few night away from home if need be and be alone.
• Rest: Taking naps, remember to eat food on a regular basis, go to the gym if need be to release your anger, or try a yoga class for relaxation. Get a massage, take walks, make some art classes or maybe just take vacation. Even if it's a trip to some hot springs an hour away or a plane ticket to San Francisco, CA. Don't be exhausted, take care of you first.

Feeling Paranoid and Questioning Everything

It is normal to go through this phase and I'm pretty certain everyone goes through this phase in particular. No one can blame you—the love of your life shared a special intimacy that you both promised to share with only each other. Once that's been broken, you're going to feel a little crazy and you're probably going to feel a little (or a lot) crazy. But being overly suspicious of how long the cheating continued, if this happened with more than one person if your partner really loves you if you can actually forgive them or more, just let yourself go through the motions. If you have questions such as: Why did your partner cheat? Do they regret cheating on you? Or have they cheated on others in the past? You may even want to know every single, painful and heart-piercing detail like I did. This paranoia will plague you for a bit. However, don't let this rule you, or your actions. At some point, whether you plan to continue on in the relationship or marriage OR if you decide to leave, this phase can leave you to be very stuck. Don't let your partner or anyone else try to push you into not feeling paranoid, the more you feel forced to work through this phase, the more you will probably feel justified in feeling paranoid longer than what is healthy.

• Spend time healing yourself: Speak to a therapist, journal, color, try yoga and maybe try something new that will relax you. But the more you take care of yourself when you are feeling like this, the more you will become more aware of your feelings that are separate from the paranoia.
• Be patient: Practice this with yourself. You may often feel frustrated and with yourself or others, especially with your partner, but this is essential to your healing process, and to the relationship if you decide to stay in it.

Not Being Able To, Or Wanting To Forgive

You do not, especially under these circumstances, owe anyone your forgiveness. Especially your partner or the cheatee, whoever she or he may be. There will be a period when you are going to be unable to forgive, a time when you will want to forgive but you will know that you deserve more, and a time when you will know that you can or cannot forgive them. Regardless, forgiveness comes with time the same way trust will need to be re-earned. Don't rush this process. Instead, set this down as one of your boundaries if you feel like it's needed. Either it will or will not come.

Moving On From The Hurt And Deciding To Heal Together

As one of my favorite characters in the GIF above, Meredith Grey once stated:

"The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; because some ties are simply... meant to be."

It's true. Regardless of the hurt and all the unnecessary torture and pain you may go through after being cheated on, sometimes "the one" will hurt us, but you may realize that this relationship means more than either of you can comprehend and is worth saving. Whenever you reach this conclusion, make sure you are being honest with yourself, and that you've made the choice that is right for you. In the end, sometimes love will always win.

Moving On From The Hurt And Deciding To Heal Alone

Regardless of the hurt and unnecessary pain you may have felt from the cheating, and trying to move on past it, sometimes you are unable to let go, or sometimes you are able to let go. But sometimes, providing forgiveness is something that we cannot give. For whatever reason you decide, you are entitled to them. Whenever you reach this conclusion, again, make sure you are being honest with yourself, and that you have made the choice that is right for you.