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He Had Given Me a Great Desire to Live, a Great Longing to Love

The emotional intensity of love gives perfect knowledge of oneself

By Olya AmanPublished 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago 4 min read
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I was blind, unthinking, mechanical, yawning my head off. Then I met a fellow-sufferer, and we fell in love.

My mind used to be like a day of clouds and rain, ghastly and dark. He cleared my sky and brought the sun into my life. He showed me the courage in every step, the beauty in every moment of repose, and humor in a clumsy retreat.

I trusted myself to be an instrument of love by surrendering myself to the person I loved. We seemed to pass through a hundred stages of affection, a hundred degrees of desire, devotion, kindness, and sincerity. And to allow this transformation, I gave heed to four questions.

1) Why do we need each other?

You need a person who can give way to your omnipresent sense of self-affection, make you feel your best and truest self. This person has to be your shelter from life's defeats, respite from the suffering.

Our union stirs me, emboldens the kaleidoscopic impressions of my awakened life. I'm not clinging helplessly to my companion. We empower each other. He is my motivation, my muse, and my bliss. When we are together my worries subside, hesitation pays goodbye. Happy symmetry spreads its sweet tendrils through my entire being, wrapping itself around my insides, kissing every inch of my body. With him, I feel my "I will" in every gesture, and every thought. I sense myself crossing into the world of "I know" and "I love".

I am his fine melody, his favorite topic for conversation, his sexual excitement, and eternal energy. When grief refuses to be laid to rest he comes to me for rejuvenation. He goes to confession every night when he touches my skin. Together we reach a crescendo of euphoria.

2) Is there trust between us?

The lack of trust is the worst form of betrayal. It kills slowly, but inevitably. Do not let the canker worm of mistrust gnaw at your love. Let your whole self follow the gift of faith in each other.

On the other side of actions should always be the feeling of compassion towards the person beside. I see no difference between us in feeling pain.

Our relationship is an empty bag which we can blow to bits with lies and burn to the ground with deceitful actions; or we can fill it with new, admirable, wise, and compassionate power over each other's hearts, minds and bodies. This power represents an apotheosis of consideration. It scares away any suspicions; strikes out, rejects, and unmakes every doubt; composes, adds to, and remakes each faithful expectation.

Our relationship is a treaty we both voluntarily entered into. We were not feigning emotion when promised a happier life to each other. The simplicity of this arrangement is like the light in the sky: we both see it and believe in it. He said, "I will never make you repent for your choice." And I read in his eyes the firmly impressed love upon each word. I said, "My life is deeply carved in trust and respect. I will never allow selfish fears and apprehensions into it." He knew I was telling the truth.

3) Am I ready to forgive?

There is almost as much charm in sincere forgiveness as there is in devoted love. Become the one who is tended with mercy and compassion that knows no bounds.

I yearn to be in a state of complete adoration more than anything. I crave to admire a person close to me and feel almost physical pain when he upsets my expectations. That is why I often drive myself frantic with words, "I should be sometimes dismayed, sometimes embarrassed, sometimes completely - ah, yes. What a word! FLABBERGASTED! by my own folly."

I learn every day to make mistakes and forgive myself for being not perfect. It allows me to accept him as an often-erroneous-self. In the undergrowth of each person, there are two tiny shadows of past mistakes and future promises to never repeat those. If I believe in love, I believe in the desire to give pleasure, not pain. And if the other is inflicted, it is like a false note, most unmusical, and we both need to replay it, to make it sound in the right key.

4) Does he make me happy *now*?

Your fervent attachment should shed its richest sensations on your entire essence today. The purpose of your union is to wrap you up in a great open happiness every moment you are together.

All things are glad and flourishing when he is beside me. The devotion and affection of my nature require only a deep and lasting return. I am a woman of spiritual illuminations and mystical emotions. I have a morbid fondness for a realizing sense of my weakness and captivity beside this person. His presence in my life calls up dim remembrances of pleasant dreams, strains of gentle music, ripplings of fervent hopes. I am happy every moment I can sense his presence, every second I can call before my eyes the luster of his eyes, the brightness of his smile, the beaming of his soul.

I will never know the full fervency of his love. I saw his tears from the sacred emotion, a single-hearted passion. When a woman sees such tears falling on the earth, she knows their radiance reaches heaven and comes back to her engulfed in the brightness of happy emotions.

He basks in the melodies of my gratitude and appreciation. He can feel happy because I know how to voice some words, putting them together in some admirable order. I make his air sweet with the blithesome fragrance of my body, enable it to awaken mystical emotions, exceptional fondness for shutting us both up face with our throbbing, fluttering hearts.

We are long and happily entwined. We create a universe of our own - the happiness of never being alone anymore.

Show the loving force of your union. It, when brought into the light of day, transforms the world, overthrows reality.

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About the Creator

Olya Aman

My pen is the finest instrument of amazement, entertainment, motivation and enjoyment, chasing each other across pages.

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