He Don't Mean It

Becky had just turned 18, just barely a senior in high school, a very smart, sweet girl with a bright future, she could have been anything she wanted to be had she just put her mind to it, she was a very spirited girl with hopes and dreams of doing big things when she got older, as a little girl she always said she wanted to be a paramedic just like her older brother, but in the blink of an eye here she is all grown up and the little girl was gone, now she was a snot nosed, know-it-all teenaged girl who thought she had life all figured out and you could not tell her otherwise. From a mother's perspective there is only so much you can say before you just must let your children figure it out for themselves, but you love them none the less. So that is exactly what Becky's mom did, she stepped back just a little still staying close for when Becky realized she still needed her mom but stayed far enough away to give Becky the space she thought she needed. Not exactly the easiest thing for a mother to do but she did and without discouraging Becky from anything she wanted to do she was supportive and loving. Well Becky was just in the beginning of her senior year in high school when she was introduced to this guy that her best friend knew, and we will call him D.J. Becky being young, starry-eyed, inexperienced, and still wet behind the ears she just longed to love and be loved and find that one true love of her life. Not knowing what to look for in a mate and what to run from she saw nothing but good in everybody and for some reason Becky really seemed to have a thing for the older bad boys, you know the type, troublemakers, ex-cons, newly released from prison bad boys. And that is where D.J comes in. When Becky saw D.J for the first time she was smitten, head over heels for this guy, he had her at hello. Sadly, it did not feel the same for D.J but he sure was good at making her think it did. A smooth talker this D.J was, a silver-tongued devil he was, he could sell ice to an Eskimo and from an outsider looking in you could tell that he was nothing but trouble. They instantly jumped right into a relationship and Becky before she knew it was moved in and living with D.J. According to Becky they really hit it off and he was such an amazing guy, let her tell it and he was nothing short of perfection and things seemed to be going good for a while. Becky seemed to be floating on cloud 9. Then on one fateful day just out of nowhere, it happened and not even Becky saw it coming. He hit her. It was no big deal to him that he hit her but for Becky it shattered her entire world, just totally devastated her that he would do such a thing to her. Suddenly Becky felt as though all this time spent together and invested in each other was all for nothing. For Becky this was the first stage of failure. But where would she go? She did not dare call home. Then it hits her like a ton of bricks and the realization of everything her mom had tried to tell her was true. She felt so ashamed and all she could hear were the words of her mom going over and over in her head saying, " just please be careful, this guy looks like trouble." She then felt so alone and guilty for not listening to her mom's words and dismissing her warnings. All at once all these emotions overflow her mind and she is sad because the one and only man she ever loved had just betrayed her in a major way, angry at herself for not taking heed to her mom's warnings and also for being so blind, depressed because she could not for the life of her figure out what it was that she had done to make him so angry at her, confused because she never saw it coming and does not know why and lost because for some strange reason she still loved him and just knew deep in her heart that he really did not mean to do what he did and if she would not have angered him this would not have happened and strangely enough she forgives him because it really is not his fault this was on her. So, she goes to the bathroom to wipe away the tears, wash her face, gain her composure, and get herself together and go to apologize to him. Little did she know that once a man hits her for the first time it never gets better it only gets worse and worse and worse as time goes by, little did she know that it was only a matter of time and he was going to hit her repeatedly and again, little did she know that the beatings would only get harder and last longer and the violence would eventually get so bad that he was either going to send her to the emergency room or worse to the morgue. If only she had listened to her mom, if only she would have reached out for help, if only she would have told someone anyone and been honest about it, if only she would have known that she was loved and worth something to someone she loved too. Now here it is 10 years later, and it was Becky's 28th birthday, it is just too bad that Becky will not be with her friends and family to celebrate. It has been 10 years since Becky died in the intensive care unit due to her severe and brutal injuries, but if Becky were still here to talk about it the one thing she would have to say is " it was not his fault and he really does not mean it."