Happy New Year

When I started this blog, I decided that I wouldn’t write one when I was in a “dark place”. I didn’t want my writing to be so dark and twisted. I always wanted to add a little humor to give balance to what I was saying and make it enjoyable reading. I can honestly say that since my last blog and even right now, I’ve had my mail and phone calls forwarded to my “dark place”. In my “dark place”, my heart and mind have been in a constant tug of war (like in the Squid Games, complete with the 100ft drop to the bottom for the losing side). In a battle of reality vs. perception, logic vs feeling, facts vs opinions; about my self-worth, how people see me and my place (if any) in the world, I can hear every argument. These constant battles of tug of war get so intense that there is no clear winner, which results in the burden of having to put on a mask to smile to make it thru the day or just makes me feel so exhausted that I barley want to get out of bed or rush back to my bed as soon as I can so I can just cry. It’s kind of like Batman in which the mask is playboy millionaire Bruce Wayne, but the real man is a brooding, scary man who hangs out in the shady parts of the city dressed like a giant bat (or for my Star Trek nerds, Spock’s battle between his human and Vulcan side). There is no “snapping out” of my dark place. There’s no inspirational or tough love speech (like Dr. Cox on Scrubs or James Evans from Good Times) that can turn me around and make things better. I and those around me must understand that for whatever reason I’m here in this place. To “move on”, I may have to stay here for a while which may result in periods of quietness and moodiness. Now that is not to say that I won’t come out sometimes to visit. I still know that I am blessed and I have to try and enjoy the small things in life that brings me joy, such as; playing Roblox with my son (he loves Obby Creator), my son making A/B Honor Roll, having a understanding wife (love you) , finally having insurance (okay, that’s a big one),my fantasy football team winning the league, discovering the best PSP emulator on Android (now I can play Crisis Core – Final Fantasy 7 and Grand Theft Auto -Vice City Stories with no lag at all!!).

As we enter a new year, some of you make still be in your dark place, which I’m sure is way different than mine. Some maybe in their dark places longer and or darker than others. We all look and feel things differently. I understand that not everyone may have, or may not see, the little things to be thankful or smile about. For my new Year’s Resolution, I would like to offer this forum as an outlet where you can go to vent, to connect or just find a friendly ear (or eyes) to listen (or read) you out. I hope this forum can help in some way for those of you are going thru something or that “if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it” feeling. Now being in your dark place is not a prerequisite to enjoy this blog, as I will talk about other random events and topics. I’ll still try to inject some humor in-between the ranting and ravings, but if I don’t….I hope you understand.