Happy Birthday... or Not

Birthdays are akin to a double-edged sword- they can be either wonderful or awful. But, there really is no escaping them. Some people cherish this day, and make it a grand celebration. But for others, it becomes more and more dreaded as the weeks pass by and it gets closer. Chances are- dependent on the year- you’ve had a combination of the two, or perhaps your celebrations tend to fall somewhere in the middle. For me, it has always been an existential day. No doubt, this has to do with the fact that my birthday falls very close to the end of the year and so, the start of another. I tend to look back on the year that was with an even bigger magnifying lens. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that with every passing year, the pressure that builds becomes greater and more combustible. Well, you still haven't accomplished this… or that…

When did our birthdays start changing? When- and how- does it become a carefree day spent with friends, rolling around the backyard, stuffing your face full of cake and sugar- to a day that can illicit an undue amount of stress and regret?

Those birthdays, the ones where you were just happy to have your friends around and get some neat gifts, were probably some of the most carefree birthdays you ever had. Those who were able to throw elaborate parties- an entire bowling alley rented out, a cool theme- were envied. Yet as you got older, more and more was suddenly at your disposal, and so too were the responsibilities. You started working, you got a car... hey, you were able to have your first drink! These birthdays- 16, 18, 19, 21- those were the ones you were happy about hitting, because as you met these milestones, you were afforded new desires and opportunities. We all remember the first time we hit the liquor store and flashed our ID. How excited were you in that moment? What craziness did you have planned that evening? Or what about the first time you got behind the wheel? Oh, the places I’ll go, you imagined. What about the first time you signed up for a credit card, or took out a loan? I am such an adult now, you said to yourself as you held your head a little higher.

So, where did it start going wrong? When did those birthdays become less and less desirable, and more and more stress-inducing? It’s different for everybody, and often, recent events and unfortunate moments in your life can have a big impact on how you feel on your birthday. Generally speaking, however, I think they start becoming a bit more nerve-racking once you hit 25. At that age, you are able to do all the things adults do, but you are also responsible for everything you do. There is no blaming immaturity now- you're a quarter of a century! It’s also around this age that some people start hitting huge milestones. Travel to a far-away continent, get married, have kids, buy a house. And if you haven’t done those things- or gotten close to them- your birthday can become marred in disappointment. The abundance and importance of social media only makes this more real.

For me, the last few years have been some of the hardest of my life, and with that, my birthdays have been pretty darn crappy too. Like I said, these days- which are supposed to be celebrated, heck, even be monumental- can be so affected by what has happened in your life. I have felt as alone as I ever have; I lost a friend, I felt like my life was going nowhere- things that I didn’t necessarily want to celebrate. I tend to look back at the last year and focus on all the things that went wrong, and stew on the things I still don’t have. Of course, your brain tends to go to the negative. I try to also look at all the goals I met; all the amazing things I did, places I saw, and the people I met and got to know. And yeah, you become a year older, sure. But, that’s another year under your belt. Another year of missteps, yes, but another year of experiences, too. Not everybody gets that. Not everybody in this world gets to 28, and some people who do make it there are in a much worse state. Some take their own life. Some are living on the streets; maybe they don’t even know it’s their birthday. Some pass away in tragic accidents. So, try to be grateful. You were provided with another year on this planet, and if you have a roof over your head and food in your belly, that's pretty damn good.

I think it’s important to be existential on your birthday- to remember not just the tough times, but all the beauty and magic. You probably don’t remember much of the first 7 or so years of your life, but your family does. I bet those years brought them a lot of joy, especially the birthdays. Remember that awesome birthday party you had? Remember all those friends that came to celebrate with you? Remember that time you sat alone at a bar? You were drinking your sorrows away, crying in bed because here was another birthday spent alone. Not every birthday is going to be perfect- some of them are going to suck- but in the morning, you’re a day older, and a day wiser.

Happy birthday.