Growing Up Mixed
"Being Colored is a metaphysical dilemma I haven't conquered yet." -Thandie Newton
I get that most humans are a mix of something. But I cant imagine most of you were confused as to what/who you were all through life.
I'm mixed. My dad is Ethiopian.
Mama is Filipina, German and Spanish.
Growing up, I always felt like I had to "pick a side" rather than just... be.
Being lighter than everyone on one side of my family, but darker than everyone on the other side. Never being white enough for your white friends, but never being black enough for your black friends.
My own mother being partial to the side I resemble the least.
Being very fast, and being musically gifted was blamed on me being black (by the people around me), even though both sides are athletic musicians. Being the only curly head in my predominantly white school.
Everyone that wasn't black, constantly reminding me that I am, but never acknowledging the other side, and vice versa.
But never fully being accepted by anyone, because I had no place.... watching people be baffled by the fact that I'm absolutely terrible at basketball and pretty great at soccer.
Having my hair braided and almost getting jumped by a group of black chicks thinking I was appropriating their culture.
Hearing people call someone a Nigger, and stepping in to say something about it, and they hit me with, "You're not even THAT black, why do you care?" Getting called, "Red Bone" by complete strangers.
Getting told that I'm simply not black by people that don't even know me.
Was even called a "Nigger" by the grandmother of my son.
I've been dumped for being black. "My parents are old fashioned. They don't understand."
When I was little, a boy told me to my face that I was the ugliest person he'd ever seen. That I had llama hair and a big nose. That I looked dirty.
I got called crazy by a complete stranger for simply being Filipina.
But I've also gotten, "I'm usually not into black chicks, but I'll make an exception."
I've spoken at length about what I've been through to a black man and his response was, "At least you're passing."
My entire life, I've been dealing with this shit; however, recently, I decided that I'm done... FUCK the bullshit! I'm MIXED. I don't have to choose which one I "identify" more with. I don't have to walk on eggshells just so YOU can be comfortable. I have TWO parents, that are several different things, and I don't have to make one entire side of me irrelevant, just because it makes YOU feel better.
I refuse to be fake and refuse to feel bad about it ever again.
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