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Give to get love

Give

By Jose E. BlakerPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Giving is a beautiful thing, and relationships need to be paid. One of the best ways you want to get love is through giving.

Although not all efforts are rewarded, there is a greater probability of reaping rewards than not paying.

But the sense of giving is not necessarily. The sense of giving is a feeling. It is how much you have done in your feelings. This is completely different from how much you actually did, and it is even more different from how much the other person feels you have done.

With regard to giving, the characteristics of a healthy personality should be:

1. Identify the needs of the other party as much as possible, and pay pertinently when you want to pay. He will not blindly give him what he thinks the other party should need with his eyes closed.

2. Evaluate your contributions as objectively as possible, instead of blindly distorting, exaggerating or ignoring your contributions. He experienced that the feeling of giving was basically consistent with the objective reality.

Therefore, a person who knows how to give will not make himself too tired. He knows where the degree is, knows what needs to be paid, and knows how much it is worth. But a person who pays blindly will be full of grievances and anger, because he has a strong sense of giving but cannot get the corresponding love.

So, will giving come in exchange for love? Healthy giving will, unhealthy giving can only increase the sense of giving.

If a person firmly believes in the logic of "getting love by giving," he may not just want to increase his actual giving. After all, people's energy is limited, and they always make the actual contribution to the panic. At this time, people will unconsciously try their best to improve their sense of giving, let the other party know that "I have paid a lot for you", in an attempt to activate the other party's guilt, in exchange for the return I want.

We will talk about three common psychological games about giving. You can see which of the following are what you are good at, and which ones are good at the people around you.

The first one is to exaggerate what you have done.

A classmate in our class once complained: the ex-husband bought her a household appliance, he said that it was more than 4,000 yuan. Then she checked and found that the original price of this appliance was only more than 4,000, but the discount was actually 3,700. The previous husband's stingy look would not stop buying discounted items. But he just said that it was more than 4,000, which is really hypocritical.

In addition to the superficial phenomenon of hypocrisy, the internal motivation of the ex-husband is very turbulent:

He paid for this appliance, maybe only 3700, but he wanted to express that he paid a lot. The consistent expression should be: "I am very stingy, but I am still willing to spend 3,700 on a home appliance for you to express my importance."

But he doesn't have this ability to express. If he wants to hide his stingy and express his importance, he said the original price of a commodity. He hopes that the payment received by the other party is the payment of the original price of the goods, which has enhanced his sense of payment in an exaggerated way.

Either they were a couple before, and there must be a similar smell. This classmate caught the ex-husband’s sense of devotion, refused to accept more than 4,000 favors, and can only record your favor account of 3700 at most. Want me to remember you more favorably, no way.

So these two people are also good people. The ex-husband's subconscious: I left you, I am still willing to pay for you. Classmate's subconscious: I don't want to owe you, so don't exaggerate what you give.

But what this student can realize is hypocrisy and deception.

Originally, the contributions of others were good, but after being exaggerated by others, it caused our disgust. The giver himself just wants to tell you that he has paid a lot and wants to get your praise. He can't do more, you still don't recognize him, he can't do anything, he can only magnify it by himself, and then force you to agree. As a result, you feel compelled to agree, and feel that the actual value exceeds the actual value, and you feel resentful.

You are all good people, but you are not willing to speak out.

The second way to increase your sense of giving is to reduce your ability.

If you reduce your abilities, you can appear to have paid a lot. Describing me pitifully makes it appear that I have paid a lot.

For example, if I paid 500 yuan for you, is it big or small?

For the middle class, this effort may not be much. But if I want to emphasize: I only have 300 yuan, I am very pitiful. I'm so pitiful. I have paid 500 for you. I have to pay for you when I am so sorry.

I have to imagine myself as very weak, and tell the other person that I am very weak, in order to highlight how great, how hard, and how difficult my contribution is. In order to let you see, I have paid a lot.

Some mothers will say "I gave everything for you", "I have to pay for you to go to school", "For you and I...", as if they have given all the only thing they have, they are especially bitter and tragic.

You feel pitiful and wronged in your heart, but you still have to pay. At this time, you can think about it: In fact, you may not be so pitiful, you are just blessing yourself with the pitiful blessings and making yourself look great.

The effort to reduce one's abilities is offensive. Because this puts the receiver in the position of a bad person, as if the receiver squeezed all of the giver. The recipient is unwilling to accept, because he wants to be a good person.

If the people around you are always exposing their pity, you feel very negative. In fact, he may just want to emphasize that he has done a lot for you.

When a person wants to let the other person know that he is giving, but is unable to do more, he will be used to "exaggerate one's own contribution", "shrink one's own ability", "implying that you are not worthy of me to do this", These three methods are used to achieve a sense of dedication psychologically.

This may disgust you. But in fact, it's just that they can't do more courtship behaviors afterwards. It seems to hurt you, but in fact it is just saying:

I've done so much, can you take a look at me, say a good thing, love me, don't leave me, is I important to you?

Unfortunately, the more such behavior is done, the more offensive it is. If you are such a person, you need to stop as soon as possible because this is destroying the relationship. You can express your needs sincerely instead of feeling that you have done a lot. If you have such a person by your side, understand it, and then figure it out by yourself.

humanity
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Jose E. Blaker

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