Getting the spark back in your marriage during the season of COVID

Earlier this week, I watched an episode of “ For my man” on TVOne. A 68 year old woman had been cheating on her 74 year old husband with a 47 year old man. She convinced her liver to kill her spouse and now both are in jail. The couple in question had lived together for 20 years before getting married. They were husband and wife 30 years before the husband was murdered. That’s a total of 50 years. Couples I knew who were married that long seemed so endearing towards one another so I could not digest what this woman did. The narrator of the television show said the wife grew bored with her husband. The son said his dad worked hard and provided a good life but his mother wanted more.

As they grew older the husband became more settled and the wife wanted more action and she found it in the arms of another man. It sounds like this couple grew apart and rather than attempt to reconnect with her spouse. the wife sought a life outside of her home. During the pandemic, you may find yourself too close for comfort with your spouse. The first lesson to learn is not to run. Society will tell you to hang out with friends but this will only add to your woes. Find ways to enjoy the closeness with your significant other and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Search until you find television programs and movies you both can watch together. Eat some of your meals in bed side by side. Reach out often to touch your spouse expecting nothing in return. A back rub, neck massage, scalp massage rubbing the feet, arms, or legs can be soothing and relaxing after a long day. Eat popcorn or ice cream on cones together. Look for ways to be closer rather than time apart. Fall in love all over again as you begin doing the simple things that keep you close rather than pull you apart. Sip ice tea together, curl up in the bed and snuggle. Watch game shows like Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and play along, making it a contest.

Life itself and especially if you are in a marriage can be difficult but it in your mind that leaving is not an option. Life today seems to be an all about me attitude rather than pleasing your spouse. Use the time you in close quarters to talk and share things from childhood and watch how the conversation grows. Even if you have had a bad day and your partner has gotten on your nerves, be the bigger person and reach out in love.

I have heard wives say their husbands got on their nerves once they retired and they did not like them underfoot. I think about this as I watch the various crime shows where one spouse is plotting murder and the other is oblivious that anything is even wrong. Make it your goal to get along with your husband or wife and enjoy their company once again. If things go back to level 1 lockdown and the two of you were stuck in the house together, would you be able to handle it? Could you spend 24 hours looking at your significant other without wishing you could get away?

Instead of looking for change outside of your household, try changing things from within. Appreciate the moments you have together and consider the people you know who are widows or widowers, who will never get another chance to be loving to their spouse. This information is much different from what most say today because it is not self centered. This is about being selfless and putting the needs of your partner first. If at first, it seems your efforts are in vain, keep trying. You cannot force your husband or wife to participate but if you talk it out and you are both on the same page it can work.

Treat your home as if it were a vacation getaway, Sit on the front porch or back deck together. Cookout on the grill or have a private picnic in the backyard. If you feel safe, put on your masks and walk through your neighborhood or go to a park where you can practice social distancing. As long as your mind is on staying together you might be surprised at the things that come to mind to do. Hug, kiss, hold hands, make love and be spontaneous. You may come out of the pandemic feeling like teenagers and closer than ever.