From the other woman

by Jessica Nicole 7 days ago in love

An open letter to the woman he chose.

From the other woman


Congratulations. Ian is an incredible and very special man. I admire and obviously adore him a great deal. He is truly one of a kind... respectful and considerate, warm and caring, kind and compassionate, tender and loving; but also strong, courageous and fiercely protective of those he loves. He is generous and patient, dependable and faithful. Ian never fails to make me smile with his quick wit and silly made up or purposely mispronounced words. He’s mature when he needs to be and a complete goofball when he doesn’t. He is loyal and trustworthy, he has a clear sense of who he is and what he is and he has the determination to keep bettering himself. He also actively supports others to do the same. He has a great deal of intelligence, integrity and self-confidence, but somehow he’s also humble and introspective.

Ian doesn’t just “bring a lot to the table” he brings so much that he has to build a bigger table... which he’ll do (eventually, along with 6 other projects at the same time) because that’s just who he is. He’s willing to work tirelessly and make sacrifices in order to achieve his goals. He’s driven, dedicated and so deserving of happiness. I could keep going... but you know all of this, you know he’s amazing, you know he’s passionate and you know he deserves nothing less than the absolute best.

I need you to understand I completely cherish Ian, I appreciate him for everything he is and for the value he adds to my life. I’m in love with him, he’s my best friend, my human diary, and occasionally, my shoulder to cry on. He brings me comfort, he’s my peace, he calms my crazy-ass, he protects my heart and he supports my dreams. I told him he’s stuck with me for life, and I mean that,so get used to my “horseface” because it isn’t going anywhere. I’m confident that we can adjust our romantic love to a friendship love, that’s our foundation, that’s what created our bond and that is far too precious to either one of us to ever risk losing. He can be your husband, and as long as he’s happy, I’ll support him in that; but he can’t stop being my best friend.

I don’t know you, and honestly, I don’t want to know you. When we spoke on the phone you didn’t impress me and your alternate personality “Ha Gotya” is downright repulsive. I apologize that I didn’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t remove myself from Ian’s life and allow your relationship to evolve without my interference in August. Woman to woman, as you say, I think he’d have left you fairly quickly if I had. I’m sorry that I didn’t understand my place in his life sooner, I guess I was just delaying my own heart breaking, but that’s a natural instinct, to protect yourself, is that what you’re doing right now? I’m sorry that you felt the need to go to such an extreme to prove that his heart belongs to you. I will never in my life understand how you can speak so dishonestly, disrespectfully and contemptuously about the man you intend to commit your life to. I am sure you had your reasons and perhaps I’m playing right into those, if so, I hope it was worth it, but I don’t see how.

I know that you may think you’ve won, Ian’s used phrases that indicated he had a “choice” or “decision” to make between you and I but this was never a game. If you for even a second saw Ian as some finish line, prize or trophy then you don’t deserve him.

Promise me you’ll love him with every bit of your heart, promise me you’ll never stop cultivating your relationship, never get complacent, never take for granted the incredible man that he is. Promise me you’ll protect him, cherish him, appreciate him, and spoil him. Be faithful to him, be honest with him, support him. Please, be patient with him, give him the space and time he needs, when he needs it, but don’t ever let him question that you’re there for him at the same time, it’s a balancing act for sure but he needs both, it’s so important.

Be a wonderful example for Ronan, teach that precious little boy what a great wife and mother looks like. Show him what a healthy, loving family unit is, give him endless unconditional love and hugs, let him be a kid, but include him in everything you can. Play with him, laugh with him, encourage him, inspire him, enjoy him, be very present in every moment you get with him. Time is so precious with children and you’ll never have enough of it. Ronan encompasses all of the best and most innocent parts of Ian multiplied by 100, maybe 1000. Listen to him, even when he’s talking to you for an hour and a half about a cartoon or showing you an app that is literally a stick figure flopping down steps. Validate his feelings and emotions, never discount or discredit what he says to you. Consider each and every interaction he has with you as a special moment, because for him, they are all special. He needs to see you being a wonderful wife, he needs to see you loving his Dad, respecting his Dad and he needs to see you and his Dad working together as a team, as partners.

And don’t you dare fail either one of them. Don’t for even a second think that you can be anything less than what they deserve... because I promise you that I’ll be right there waiting for that moment. I won’t disrespect your relationship and I won’t allow Ian be unfaithful, but the second that YOU aren’t living up to his standards, I WILL be. Consider this the only warning you get. I’ll be right there to pick up what you couldn’t carry.

This will be the only interaction I have with you. I’ve said so much more than I ever intended to (it’s a quality that irritates Ian too, ask him about it...I’m Italian, we talk a lot). Please be as wonderful as he thinks you are. Please make my best friend happier than he’s ever imagined possible. And please don’t think I won’t find out if you don’t. I love that man and his son unconditionally, they are my family... I’m not sure how a half Puerto Rican and a half Italian family looks blended together but it is what it is. I care too much about them and I’ll never stop loving, supporting and protecting them.

Don’t fuck this up, because I’ll probably be the first to know if he’s unhappy. For his sanity and well-being, I truly hope Ian never has to regret loving you.

Jessica Nicole
Jessica Nicole
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Jessica Nicole

Hi, I'm Jess, single mom of one teenage girl and two rescue dogs.

For years, I have inspired others by talking and writing about my struggles, passions, thoughts and emotions...and I'm on a mission to inspire others on their own adventures.

See all posts by Jessica Nicole