Freedom: Caring More about How You Feel

One of the hardest things most of us will ever achieve, is learning to release ourselves from the opinions of those around us who are toxic. Especially those we love, those we thought were supposed to love us, and anyone we're connected to for life - usually via family, children, or via a karmic soul contract of some kind.

The process of doing this, can become even more difficult if you - like myself - were codependently raised to put your own feelings last, to have great empathy for others, and to do the right thing even when others aren't. Add even more challenge points if it was never okay for you to express dissent, concern, or any emotions other than pleasant agreement. Triple that if you weren't allowed to have healthy boundaries, or were made to feel like an incredible jerk if you did.

All of this comes together to make it difficult to change unhealthy people pleasing habits, as whenever you allow yourself to get upset enough to see change must occur in order for you to be happy and successful - then you feel awful.

For wanting more than you have; cuz there are starving impoverished individuals around the world who would kill to have what you already have.

For being upset at toxic people who consistently hurt and exhaust you; cuz you've been egoic, and done mean things, and made mistakes, and needed extra support from loved ones and friends before. How could you be so judgemental when you're not perfect either?

For wanting to be free from toxicity, drama, and unnecessary burdens - especially those of caring about people who don't care enough about themselves to change their lives so they can be happy and stop dragging others into their misery; because we're supposed to be compassionate, especially for those who don't seem to know any better, and even more so for those who are pitiful enough to need an ego boost and to think the best way to get it is to cut others down. Aren't we?

For wanting to no longer help people who aren't grateful for it and who always seem to be in some kind of crisis or victim mode; cuz aren't we always supposed to be there when someone needs help?

The funny thing, is that the answer is and no.

We are supposed to be honorable, kind, and compassionate as often as we can be. Though we're not supposed to invest those energies into individuals who aren't able to recieve them. Largely because there are so many others in this life, who are ready and who would be very healed by our efforts - also allowing us to be healed through them being able to recieve our benevolent acts of service. Additionally, in my opinion, there's spiritual and karmic importance in removing ourselves from putting effort into saving those who appear to constantly need to be rescued.

Which is also a good indicator who will be most benefited by your presence, and those who will benefit most from your absence; as sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do for toxic folx in our lives - is to step back and allow them to make their own messes without our help in cleaning them. Much in the same way as we suggest to our kids that they spend a little time every day cleaning their rooms, and then when they don't, require that they clean up the now BIG mess before they can do anything else.

The process of having to clean up their own big mess, helps them to both appreciate your suggestion of small proactive steps every day, and to see just how hard it is to clean up such a big mess that they made themselves - providing empathic understanding for why we parents don't want to forever be cleaning up after them.

With the very literal sense that toxic people are often stuck in the mindset of their formative or teenage years and act very childish, they very much often need the same sort of tough love and natural consequences that our children sometimes do.

Which is a mindset that can help you free yourself from them without feeling like the worst person in the world - which often keeps us stuck; feeling like if we stop attending to those who seem to need the most help. As when we recognize, whether it's a long time friend, adult child, family member, or romantic partner - that "helping" is NOT helping, the only way they allow us to truly be helpful, is to step back and have trust that spirit and karma will help them grow up, clean up their own messes, and build the self love they so desperately need and are never going to find via external sources (money, relationships, intoxicants, celebrity, etc...)

And once you get to the point of recognizing the best way you can "help" is to leave them be, and allow yourself to glow up - to love yourself, build yourself up, and be genuinely happy regardless of what your external circumstances look like. Which then also provides the example for everyone around you; who've been stuck in toxic cycles, who often have never had that sort of modeling. They often only manifest others into their lives, who are just as toxic, dramatic, and vindictive as they are. When they see you're standing in your truth and light - that you're not doing what they expect from all people because of their trauma; that you're genuinely happy, and not because they're horrible people and gone from your life - but because you are standing in your truth. Being kind. Being authentic. Being self loving. Being supportive. Being realistic, and yet also not putting all your store in "reality", no longer being influenced by the opinions of toxic people in your life; including them, and investing your time and attention into connections around you that are healthy, uplifting, supportive, and equally kind.

Once you get to that point - where you can love yourself and recognize that in doing so, anyone in your life who really does "need" your "help" in healing, will be most healed when you heal yourself and allow yourself to recieve the benevolence the universe wants us all to experience in abundance - you'll finally be able to experience the absolute freedom that comes from no longer being influenced by toxicity from any source.

An act which naturally sets you up to be influenced by the benevolent, loving, and healthy people and circumstances in your life. Which frees you more, and helps you level up emotionally, energetically, financially, romantically, platonically, and more. Creating a stable sort of radiance that glows around you, and naturally attracts those into your life who stand in the same light, and repels most of those who are still blinded by that light. Only those low vibe individuals who are needed to help show you where healing is still needed, will be allowed into your vacinity, and once you are free from a codependent desire to please them and put them first - they don't stick around long. They come in, bring you contrast - usually through conflict, and because you get to a point where you appreciate the contrast brought into your life, and recognize it as more opportunities to grow and flourish - rather than sticking with old beliefs that it's just "bad things happening to good people" or "entirely unfair" and other victim mindsets; then you become such a genuinely kind and uplifting person yourself, that no one can keep you down. Which naturally feels scary and repelling to those who formerly came to you to bring you down, to try to feel better about themselves.

At this point, only 2 kinds of people will stick around:

1. those who either are already on your level, or who want to be, and want to experience the genuine joy and gratitude that you do.

2. Those who are toxic enough to think they need to "one up you" - which spirit will show you is hilarious, cuz the only way they would be able to bring you down, would be to get up to your level. Which, if they succeed in achieving, they actually end up healing themselves and by the point in time that they can "reach" you, they no longer desire to bring you down.

Everyone else will get too frustrated in their attempt to shake you, that they'll likely surrender to the fact that they cannot mess with you, and that you're not going to choose to be a mean low vibe person like them, no matter how many times they shake your tree. And once they surrender to that, they actually surrender to Spirit, which starts to show them reflections of their own fears of not being good enough, being abandoned, and being stuck in unhappiness for the rest of their lives if they continue to live and think as they do.

Which is ironically, often the same thing that leads people like you and me to get to this level of freedom, success, self love, and humble compassion for everyone who brings us contrast we can use to make kind and honorable choices that affirm our wholesome goodness. Which, once we're humble enough to recognize as we really own our own bs from the past, helps release the triggers and projections we used to harbor in our subconscious minds, that kept us feeling sorry for ourselves when toxic people didn't like what we liked or used us to make themselves feel better by cutting down our dreams.

The really fun thing, is that with the freedom of no longer caring about the needs or opinions of those caught in toxic trauma cycles, is that we free ourselves to follow our hearts; to pursue our dreams, embrace fun absurdities, and 'grow up' without losing that inspiring sense of child like wonder that keeps life interesting and worth living - which most of us have procrastinated doing, because toxic people in our lives (who were usually 'well meaning') told us that our dreams were too big, too far fetched, too complicated, not good for us, andor spent more time reminding us of our failures. Whether they were telling us not to connect with someone we love, or not to pursue a career as a Big Rockstar, or that we needed to "buckle down" and focus on "reality"...you know - work paycheck to paycheck to pay the bills with our heads down like a good little serf. To forget about fun and freedom and dreams, and do what society deems is "appropriate" and "necessary", even when all evidence points to the contrary.

Once we let go of their opinions and stop seeking them out...once we start to follow our hearts, and allow ourselves to spend time with those who understand and support our narrative - our dreams and heart calls, then we start to feel lighter. Less burdened. More grateful. Blessed, even.

That is a great weight removed.

One that cannot really be explained. Only experienced.

Which is what I encourage you to do.

Start to look at that within you - all throughout your past and present, which has or is causing you to remain chained to the opinions of those in your life, who are stuck in their pain bodies, trauma responses, ego, and toxic cycles.

Is it because you love them?

Is it because you don't feel worthy of allowing yourself to be free of them?

Is it a fear of abandonment because you're afraid if you release the toxic people in your life, that those who stand in the light won't deem you as worthy of their presence?

Is it because you don't want to be "cruel" to people who have made mistakes, because you've made mistakes and been toxic before?

List all the reasons you can think of.

Be honest.

Then give yourself grace for all those reasons - especially the most absurd of them; as most of us are taught that we shouldn't have fears that are irrational, or express negative beliefs about ourselves. Though there's no way to truly heal them, other than to own them and face them - at which point, they often release themselves.

Don't believe me?

The only way to know for sure, is to try it yourself.

Time to stand in the light that only true self love and self care can manifest, and experience the rush of freedom and inspiration that brings.