Four Things To Do When The Past Keeps Haunting You
Letting Go Of Old Relationships
Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, a former friend, or a loved one, it can be hard to get over a loss. The person you’re grieving over may still be alive. The memory of your time together haunts you nonetheless. Continually thinking about them and ruminating about the past can add undue stress into your life.
You’re not helping yourself by dwelling on the past. You’re also giving them more power over your emotions by continually allowing them time inside your mind. Whether you’re ready to let go or not, you need to. Here are some things that can help make the process of letting go of the past a little bit easier.
Get rid of reminders.
It can be difficult to let go of items simply because of their past, and they might even be things that you really like. Whether you like them or not, if you think of the person that is no longer part of your life every single time you wear that necklace or use that pillow, it’s not doing any good in your life.
Actually, if that item gives you fond memories that pass quickly, it may be an item you can hold onto. However, it’s more often going to be that an item makes you miss that person or makes you anxious because it brings back bad memories. If this is the case, get rid of it. Donate it. Send it back to the person. Just get it out of your possession.
Avoid them online.
Social media sites have made it so much easier to stay in contact with friends and family, but it has also made it more likely for you to continually see the lives of the people you’re no longer in contact with. If you had an ugly breakup, whether it was with a friend or a significant other, you definitely should block them on all social media sites. Out of sight, out of mind.
There may be some places you can’t block them out, however. The Facebook “page” blocking feature only makes it so that you can’t comment or share their posts but you can still see everything they have there. Just don’t go there. Forget about it.
Make peace with them (even if it’s just in your mind).
Just because you’re no longer friends with someone or dating someone doesn’t mean you have to become mortal enemies. Even if it was a bad ending or the relationship was always rocky, you can still make peace with them. In fact, if you live in the same area and have mutual friends and/or interests, it’s likely you might run into them when you’re out and about.
If they’ve blocked you everywhere and you can't reach out for a truce, you can make peace with them in your own mind. Forgive their indiscretions and let go. Understand that everyone is going through their own thing and that nothing they did to you was really about you, just like nothing you did to them was really about them.
Replace them with something better.
I’m not saying you should rush into another relationship or find a friend to fill that specific empty spot. What I am saying is that there are “plenty of fish in the sea” and there are other people out there looking for friends. Don’t be discouraged simply because one relationship didn’t work out.
You may also want to find something to preoccupy your mind. Replacements don’t always have to be other people. You could find a hobby to fill your time.
One final tip: Take some time to look within and make some changes to yourself. Maybe you could have been a better friend or significant other, too.