Forgiveness: The process of forgiving or being forgiven.
In our lives, we all have to face forgiveness at one point or another. For some, it comes easy. For others, including myself, forgiveness isn't such an easy task. Either way, in many instances, forgiveness is one of the key factors needed to move on.
When learning how to forgive, there are many emotions we come to face. Many people feel sadness, anxiety, anger. The list goes on. What I'm trying to say is that we all are going to forgive in different ways and it's a different process for everyone. There are going to be roadblocks and it isn't something that happens quickly.
In my experiences, forgiveness has been an ongoing battle. I've had many struggles getting to my growth goals because of forgiveness. When I think of the things that have been done to me I usually feel a lot of resentment. I'm trying to be a more caring, compassionate, and loving person, but my issues with forgiveness have kept me from being completely true to those goals. I've always had a problem with holding grudges and I usually don't let them go. I've spent a lot of time thinking that I've moved on and that I've grown and succeeded but when the events get brought back up I still feel an anger. And despite my self assuring thoughts, I know that this means I haven't truly forgiven.
Most people trying to forgive are hoping to receive apologies. Sadly, in many cases, apologies are never received. One of the hardest things I've been working on is forgiving someone who isn't sorry and accepting an apology I never received. I want to be truly moved on. I want to grow and be happy and healthy and let it go, but it is so hard. But that is just how forgiveness works. I won't be easy, especially when someone hurt you a lot.
What I think I need to do next is work on seeing how I was also responsible for what happened and work on not being angry anymore. For me personally, the hardest emotion to get rid of has been anger. I've held onto anger and resentment and blame for too long and I have to stop. With work, and effort I believe that I will get there someday. Someday I hope that I won't feel that anger at all, but with every forgiveness journey, you have to take it one step at a time.
Forgiveness: The difference between inner peace and internal struggling.
Despite my struggles with forgiving others, I have at least had some accomplishments with forgiving myself.
I have forgiven myself for a lot. I've forgiven myself for my role in several things that have happened to me that I played a part in. It was hard, and I had a lot of self-hate along the way, but I did it.
I have realized that the biggest part of forgiving yourself is to accept that you can never change what has happened to you. There is no rewind button and there never will be. Knowing this and reminding myself of it has helped me to stop thinking of the "what ifs." It's helped me realize that mistakes are human and I'm not a bad person for making them.
You also have to learn to love yourself when you're trying to forgive yourself. A lot of doubt and guilt is fueled by self-hatred. After a long time of going through the motions of the anger, guilt, and sadness cycle, I realized that there's no point. You live this life one time. That means that anything that keeps you from happiness is a waste of time. Literally, not one productive thing comes from unhappiness. Not one good thing comes from self-hate. Not one good thing comes from wasting your life on things that you can't change. Those simple daily reminders have helped me grow so much and made forgiving myself so much easier.
There will always be work that needs doing because in this life we are forever on the conveyor belt of new experiences. There will always be new things happening in your life and not everything that happens will be good. You'll always have to practice forgiveness.
I'm proud of how far I've come and I believe that I can get farther towards my goal every day.
Forgiveness: Accepting the things that you can't change.