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Five ways to adult better

by S A Miller 2 months ago in humanity

Things to remember when adulting gets too 'adulty'

Photo by Dan Carlson on Unsplash

When we are young, the world (though scary at times) is filled with endless possibilities. Somewhere along the line we turned into worker ants and became so results orientated that we forgot how to live. We became so consumed with the end goal and doing what adults are 'supposed' to do that we forgot what it means to just live. Being an adult used to be associated with the ideals around freedom to be, financial freedoms and just not giving a rats ass about what people thought. Then we actually become adults and well, here we are sipping coffee at work and reading articles on how to adult better. It's just part of the cycle of life. All is not lost, here are a few gentle reminders for everyone, regardless of what stage in life you find yourself. Some points are great for reminiscing, others are gentle reminders. Take what works and forward the rest to someone else you think needs a few minutes break from their mundane job.

1. Your 20's are for figuring YOU out.

By Sebastian Huxley on Unsplash

Let us set the scene: having freshly emerged out of the shadows that the leafy bushes provided, the young gazelle thought she was ready for the world but she had no idea who she was....Sound familiar? Yes there are some people who know from the minute that they are ejected from their mothers womb exactly what they want to do however this does not mean that they know who they are! There is a major distinction between these two situations and we often get them muddle up. What a person does for a living is not who they are as a person. Our teen years are filled with hormones doing their own thing, awkward adjustments to situations we never thought we would be put into and acne, oh the acne! There is no time during the teen years to figure out who one is, especially when the hormones being their own individual personalities. Finally that phase is complete and we find ourselves suddenly thrust into a world where we are expected to act like "adults." What does that even mean? Your 20's are for finding out who you are, what your purpose is and how you fit into the world as a thinking, functioning human grown being. Once you have figured out who you are and what your purpose is, you will have a much more enjoyable time for the next 80 or so years in your adult years.

2. Don't take life so seriously!

By Sebastian Huxley on Unsplash

Look it's real simple, those of us who make it... who survive long enough to be adults and do this adulting thing, well even we are on limited time. Eventually we all are going to die. Sorry to be so blunt about it but its something we often forget. With that wonderful thought in mind, we must not take life so seriously all the time. Don't get it twisted, there will absolutely be situations where you must be serious and do the right thing and deciding to get married it one of those serious times. However approaching anything with the mindset that this is supposed to be anything else but fun, positive and free just leads to a whole lot of stress and much less enjoyable experiences. A happy life is not one being surrounded by all the 'stuff' you never had in your childhood or getting all the women/men you couldn't in your teens, a happy life is a balance between being content, living in the moment and loads of belly laughs. The more fun/laughs you have the easier it is to navigate the challenges we all face.

3. Sexual frustration is a thing

By Sebastian Huxley on Unsplash

Regular sex is good for the body and the mind. Now there are people who choose to not engage in the act and they have been able to find a happy balance in their lives. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to sexual satisfaction. However the lack of sex can cause irritability.... sexual frustration is an actual thing and it affects peoples moods whether we realise it or not.

4. Have children when you have fulfilled your own goals.

By Sebastian Huxley on Unsplash

Unless your own goal/desire in the world is to have a brood of children and stay at home wiping snotty noses and watching children's shows all day, hold off having kids until you have fulfilled your won dreams and aspirations. Yes, there are some people who have been able to still pursue their own dreams whilst raising kids. The amount of work and self discipline needed it 10 times higher, never mind the fact that the children come first ALWAYS. Especially in the younger years when they are dependant on you to do everything for them. The last thing you want is to not be able to enjoy the moments that come with having children because you are too preoccupied with 'should have, could have, would have' syndrome. Its not fair on them and its not for on you.

5. People can change but you cannot change them!

By Sebastian Huxley on Unsplash

As women generally we are more inclined to believe that is I am just a bit nicer, just a bit more caring, if I show him just how much I love him, he will change. Whilst it is true that people do change, they don't change cause we want them too or because we asked nicely. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much love you shower someone with or how much patience you have toward their behaviours , if that person is not ready and willing to change their negative behaviours, or deal with the past trauma's then they will not change. Giving up your life, freedom and peace of mind in the hope that someone else will realise their worth will only leave you feeling worse off about yourself. It is perfectly okay to be kind, loving, understanding, forgiving and caring from the other side of the fence. Allow them the space to do what they need to and be kind to yourself by stepping away. You have not failed them. Sometimes in order to love someone you have to love yourself more.


S A Miller

tragically human, perfectly flawed, unapologetically authentically me!

Lover not a fighter.

Pretend writer and real life woman.

[email protected]

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