First Time

I lean back into your chest as you pull me closer towards you. We're lying on the couch and I'm between your legs flipping through a book, while you watch something on Netflix. Your chin rests on the top of my head so you can see the screen on your laptop. Being sheltered between your arms has always brought me comfort, and I'd hate to be apart from them. As I read, my free hand is holding your left, as I fiddle with the ring you never seem to take off. That same thick black band that looks like obsidian wrapped around your pointer finger that I've never seen you without. Along with that, your right hand plays with my hair, your fingers gently swirling it around. There is comfort lying here, and being encased in the scent of one of your hoodies that I always wear when I come over. You in your simple dark tee and grey sweats hanging loosely just below your hips. If I could spend every night like this, it would be a dream come true.

Softly, I close my novel that I just couldn't focus on; not with you right there, ready for cuddling. I slip the book onto the coffee table in front of the couch before I turn to face you. Your lips curve up into a smile as my hands slide up behind your neck, the tips of my fingers playing with the hair at the nape of your neck. I'm now seated on your lap, as you lay kisses from my cheek and down my neck before resting your head onto my shoulder. There is just a special feeling I get at the thought of how thankful I am to have you here. So many unsaid things that I still have to express to you, but am still unsure of how to do so. If only there was a way for these thoughts to come out as words for you to hear how I feel.

We pause there for a moment; just the two of us holding each other to find comfort. In the background, the show you're watching continues to play on. The soft whirring sound of your laptop fan mixes with the sound of voices, but you still continue to slip your hands beneath my hoodie, the simple touch of your hands still making my cheeks flood red. As I continue to run my finger on the ends of your hair I ask, "Am I really making the right decision?"

Immediately your hands drop, and your head comes up for our eyes to meet. Gently you lift me up to create a bit more space so that we are able to take in each other's features. You reach for my hands, and hold them in yours, your thumbs creating tiny circles on the back of my hands. Then you tell me, "I think you are making the decision where you feel you'll find the most happiness."

I smile and lean into your chest, "Will you still drive me to school?"

"Of course," you smile, as you press your lips onto the top of my forehead. "Even though your classes start way earlier than mine."

I giggle and look up to kiss the bottom of your chin. I let myself be encased between your arms, and listen to the comforting sound of your heart beating. My lips turn to a frown still at the thought of being apart from you. It was present in my mind that being in a different school shouldn't matter; though I still feared the thought of things changing, because of the distance. I know that it's stupid to think that it does, though a piece of me is still bothered by it. It's not that I think you'll leave me for someone else; it's just that I've grown so attached to being around you. To take that away makes my stomach churn, and all I want is for that feeling to melt away. Nervously I bite my bottom lip as a tick I've never gotten rid of. At this point you brush a piece of hair away from my face, and turn my chin up so that our eyes meet again.

Moments like these were what made me love you even more. Sure it was fun to be with friends, and tease you while you tease me back; yet at the end of the day I'd still love you so much, because you seem to always be the one to help me make it wonderful. This sense of reliance that I could place onto you was comforting. It was comforting to know that no matter how much of an asshole you are to others, you'd still show me love, and care like you are doing now in this moment.

Slowly my thoughts shift to when we first became something. They think of holding your hand in class in search of comfort. How I'd spin the ring on your finger as you'd use your thumb to rub circles on the back of my hand. There was also the day you first drove me to school with you, and how I was allowed to blast Disney songs through the speakers. I know you still absolutely hate it, yet for some reason still put up with it. There also was simply going out for lunch, and being able to just sit across from you and laugh at every stupid thing you'd say. You throwing a couple of fries at me while letting me feed you some as well.

Gently you place your lips onto mine before I ask, "Will you still pick me up after practice, and take me for dinner every Tuesday?"

You laugh at my question and twirl a piece of my hair around your finger.

"I'm sorry."

Your hand cups my cheek as your thumb gently brushes across my face, "Don't be sorry."

Gently you place another kiss on top of my forehead as I let myself lean into you even more.

Into my hair you whisper, "Things will change, but we'll just grow with those things."

All I could do was hope for you to always be here for me. To trust myself to be present with you now in this way. Soon your hands are back where they were meant to be, and I bring my lips to yours. We'll tangle ourselves into each other in hopes there will be no way of separating what we have.

The show on your laptop turns off as you close the screen, and guide the device to the coffee table. I am now the source of your attention, and I love it. Maybe I am a bit needy for wanting you all to myself, though you never seemed to mind that. There are just so many things that make you perfect for me. You know exactly how to make me happy, and all I can do is hope I can do the same for you as well. Even though some days I am hard on you, that never seems to phase you. Instead you would comply, and provide me with that through the intense stare of your eyes, and the small pecks of kisses you'd give me. All the little things that make up why I love you.

Gently you break away, though your hands still hold me tightly by the waist, "I really love you." I watch as your eyes glisten beneath the dull lights in the room. Immediately my heart stops as we pause, and take a moment to breathe for air. A few tears escape as you gently wipe them away. Then you kiss the top of my head, "Is it too soon for me to say that?"

Beneath your lips I shake my head before tilting my head up to meet your eyes, "I love you."